You are here

DH caved some what to SD15

JustanotherSM17's picture

Submitted by JustanotherSM17 on Sun, 02/02/2025 - 2:34pm

If you follow my blog you know ALL the drama SD15 and BM stirred up a Month ago . Since the confrontation and DH told SD everything has been peaceful here at home. SD never ever apologized or even tried to reach out to DH after she blamed him for everything and calling him ignorant. DH had not reached out to SD at all until today. I knew it was coming because we were meeting MIL and SIL for brunch and no matter how horrible SD behaves, they always make DH feel guilty . So DH texted SD this morning " I love you monkey " she responded back " I love you too" and that's it but I know what this is going to spark as it has in the past. SD is gonna weasel her way back in without ever agreeing to our rules, taking responsibility for all the lies and drama she started and not apologizing for her behavior. I am having a talk with DH later and telling him that SD is only welcome here after to acknowledges her part in the lying, creating the drama and agreeing to follow our rules . And apologizing to him. But he will NOT ever ask her to come over , especially after she told him SOmany time she didn't want to. We will NOT go out and buy her crap to keep in our home until we see improvements. Here we go 

Comments

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Tue, 02/04/2025 - 9:04am

If you don't fix it now. It will be a lifeg of this disrespect   Caving in shows SD she is in charged.  Not good

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Mon, 02/03/2025 - 10:15am

I don't like the exclusionary way that his family treats you.. and that clearly feeds into SD's feelings.. and the fact that her other family support the narrative that her dad and you.. aren't doing right by her.. it's understandable that she doesn't see how she is wrong.

I will say, I don't have an issue with him sending a text to his daughter that he loves her.. he wasn't apologizing for his actions or anything.. and I think kids should understand their family loves them.. even if they don't like their behaviors.  And that a father's love isn't going to be conditional.. though he may not facilitate her acting poorly in his home... he still loves his daughter... and yeah.. I'm guessing the text was in part to head off the third degree from his mom etc.. "yes.. we just texted recently.. told her I loved her".. vs having to explain why he has not communicated with her.

And.. I see a difference between beating the dead horse with her and her understanding her dad loves her... I think she has heard his pov re her behavior.. she may or may not agree with it.. probalby doesn't based on her other family input.. at this point.. all he can do is move forward... she doesn't feel she is in the wrong.. and perhaps never will think she was 

Does that mean that he never speaks to his minor child? I don't think so... but he should continue to parent.. though perhaps without losing his cool and using profanity with her.. set a better example of how to handle conflicts.

Dollbabies's picture

Submitted by Dollbabies on Mon, 02/03/2025 - 11:52pm

dad holds firm and keeps firm boundaries sending text messages sounds fine. I'm betting, though, that in the near future the "SD wants to come this weekend so you need to pick her up at xyz" text message is going to come from BM. And then holy hell is going to break out if/when dad reminds BM and SD there are now conditions to be met before that can happen.

If he folds, all of this will have been for nothing and could well strengthen SD's hand. I really hope he holds firm because this is a lesson SD desperately needs to learn - you can't treat people like crap and have no consequences even if they are family. 

 

JustanotherSM17's picture

Submitted by JustanotherSM17 on Tue, 02/04/2025 - 8:27pm

Dollbabies , this is my fear as well. BM has threatened DH Before with her " we are done with you " then when BM has plans all the sudden all is forgotten and DH should feel honored that SD wants to come . But like you said conditions must be met and that has not even started and SD has showed no remorse for everything she did, lied about and said about myself , DH and even her siblings. 

JustanotherSM17's picture

Submitted by JustanotherSM17 on Tue, 02/04/2025 - 8:24pm

Yes SD knows that MIL and SIL will back her up . But MiL and SIL also don't see her horrible behavior but DH did tell them what she did. I don't have a issue with him communicating with her obviously but I do have a issue when things , like in the past... have been swept under the rug and my house continues to be open for BM and SD to reek havoc on . I don't feel comfortable with SD in my home knowing that everything that goes on SD reports back to BM and even makes up things along the way. Anytime to make a new purchase some how BM knows about it and it fuels her even know it should not. DH pays his child support but I guess BM feels entitled to more ? For example I got a puppy when my own money and SD reported this back to BM and SD used it against DH . Like it's anyone's business what I, a grown working woman spend my money on. It's certainly not SD or BM businsss. Things like that I don't want to happen again