But I still feel betrayed and that is the tough thing to deal with.

So I am going to see the lawyer and talk about how to defend my assest and my mariatal assets outsied of a will from the SD and what is going on.  And I will talk about H's somewhat dementia and how SD tried to get him to change his will at the hospital that time, how she has stolen from me etc.  Wills are one thing but there may more I can legally do to protect ME.

Like you all advise PROTECT ME.

Forgive me if I jump around because this is all pretty much to take in much less deal with.

Right, now, as I see it, the marriage is over.  I am 78 and he is 86.  Divorce is an option but at our ages would be very tough on both of us.  So if I choose to stick around it will be in name only and with financial things well wrapped up so SD cannot change it in any way.  I have over 30 years in this marriage and I am certainly not going to let SD benefit as she so wants to.

RAegarding help that 2Tired referred me to.  Wow!  There is so much to take in and I don't even understand what some of those agency could do or would do to help us.  BUT (and this is a good but)  I have it down to go and talk to our County Health Dept. and see if they can help me navigate this road.

One last thing.  He went out and took down the box he thought was my pictures.  It wasn't.  Obviuosly he can't read because the box is well marked NO 9, Frustrated's Family Pictures.  So he is going back out to the garage tonight and see if he can find, see it.  I could point it out to him, but heck, let him find it and keep looking until he does.  Right now he is gong to find that tote even if it takes him forever.

He knows he is on very thin ice with me and that I have had it.

One final comment about the mower.  At first I thought she might be too embarassed to show her face around here again.  Evidently not, the smell of a free mower for lard baby does it every time.  Something for nothing.  One thing she has is chutzpa (if I spelled that right).  The best thing is that the joke will be on her and lard as the mower is a piece of garbage, needs lots of work, over 20 years old.  After she gets that I doubt we will hear from her for a long time.  No one would even take it last year when we had it up by the street with a free sign in front of it.  As my neighbor told me last year, no one wants old riding mower because they are so expensive to fix up.

You see she actually heard me call her a liar and say that I knew she stole the piece.  Daddy didn't stick up for her as he would have done in the past by trying to stop me from saying something like that.  You can bet she noticed that especially after she proclaimed (he had her on speaker phone) IS she (meaning me) screaming at me?  And H didn't stop me, did nothing, even repeated to her what I had said, verbatium, when she claimed she didn't understand me (another tactic). AND H never charged the battery up for even though she brought up the battery charger.  Told her he didn't have time.

What my main concern with is our IRA accounts.  I know that as long as H worked and had a 401k, I had to be the beneficiary because I was his wife and this is the law to keep someone from feezing out the spouse.

But now that they are IRA accounts I am not so certain.  That would probably be where SD will start going after.To get her name on those as beneficiary.  She can't get at the house or car, etc.  And I don't trust her, or him at this stage, dementia be damned.

And the fact that she has already tried for his will AND I have documented her actions on this and the thievery with my Doc last summer and told him she scared the begesus out of me.  So there is a record which is good.  Believe me when I say you don't know the half of it.

Well, went to the pool but then assessed the situation as something I could not do as I rely on a cane and witth the water that would be splashed around the pool it would be dangerous for me.  Didn't think that one all the way through when I first planned it.

 t this stage in our lives he needs me more than I need him right now.  And while he has been a good guy for most of our marriage, I know that I just don't want to play games with his SD.  I don't like what they both did to me, I feel betrayed, but I am looking out for the long run for me.  I do know one thing for certain, if I left and he had to rely on her he would be in some home faster than he could say his name.  She doesn't want to take care of him or anything, she just wants.  And if there is nothing in it for her she will put him out just like she did with her Mother.

FWIW, I reread my post here and I seem so calm.  I am not, actually.  If you look at my typing you can see that. 

Tried to work on taxes today but put that aside as I wasn't focusing.  And I love dealing with numbers.

This situation is serious for my future and for his.

Okay - Got something rollling.  The County Health Dept. is going to come out and do an evaluation of our home to see how we can make things easier as we age more and more.  They are coming next week.  H. isn't too happy about it but I don't care.  I am doing this FOR ME!  He is just along for the ride after what he did to me.  I can't trust him.

What I am finding frustrating is that talking to him is getting difficult.  I will say something to him and he will either respone "HuH", or get a blank look.  So I repeat again, and sometimes again changing things to make it simplier.  His response then is that he didn't understand what I was talking about.  That may be right, don't know.  Yet at other times, he is sharp and right on.  The latter more often that the former.

I know when we were at the Cardiologist he didn't understand what the doc was saying as he uses medical terms for heart etc.  All he knew was that things were going okay with the way he was now.  Of course I was there to repeat (in simplier terms) what the doc said.

I DID get that tote!!!!!  He mumbled and grumbled after doing so about how much he hurt etc.

Oh, and SD called wanting to know if we had any extra tires for the lawnmowe as all four were flat.  I gladly told her, NOPE, what she got in that mower is what she gets.  Felt good.

She is trying to get more from us for Free for Lard Butt while at the same time she was trying to sell H a used rollinator for $85.00.

Okay, had the review with the health dept. and we pretty much have what they were going to suggest.  We have a walk in shower, extra bars in bathroom, grabbers in every room.  Last year we put in that vinyl flooring that looks so much like wood, in the kitchen and dining room.

Her main suggestion was to get rid of some of the furniture - like the coffee table etc. which makes the rooms more open.  She also recommended some other items that would make hs life easier.

When I orig. talked to her I told her about H.'s possible dementia and if she would watch.  Sure enough, when we sit down and talked with her, she asked for our phone number.  H got the first 3 numbers out and then went blank.  He couldn't remember.

She also took info to see if we qualify for any assistance.  I'm suppose to get in contact with her early next week.

I just don't know.

Bummer!  Had to cancel my apt. with the lawyer I want to see.  The garage door spring broke and we don't have a manual thingy to open it so the car was "trapped" in the garage yesterday and today until they come out to fix it.  Grrr.  But that is life.

Reschedule and still working on things.  STILL waitng for Health Dept.to get back to me.

I had my first counseling meeting and boy am I mad, yes mad.  Not at the counselor, but at my H for what he did to me.  The gas lighting of 11 years on backking up his D who stole from me.  That came out and I couldn't stop crying.  His lying about how the thing was still unpacked in the garage when it wasn't, it was in the yard. the covering upo for her every time I tried to confront her about it over the years.  Counselor asked me who I thougat he did this.  My response is that what SD wants, SD gets.

I also told her about the SD hoovering around H when he was in the hospital for heart issues, trying to get him to change his will!  And how she did the sme with me 2 weeks later, telling me we needed the 3 wills, one so she gets everythhing from H, one so she gets from M and a third that, IF we should pass at the same time, she gets EVERYTHING!!

I told her I has spoken to my Doc. about this and she emphasized that was a good thing to have done, and also, should lshe escalate, I could let her know as well.

I also told her how things have changed with H on my part since this happened as I feel totally betrayed and don't trust him with SD is concerned.  Also about the dementia he is starting, yelling at tv, not understanding things until I take it aparat and explain it to him, then he make an excuse about why he didn't originally catch on.

Gettingit all out to someone, in person, made me feel good.  I also told her I was taking steps with lawyer, etc.

H. doesn't know I saw a counselor.  After session I got a drink and went and sat in park until I got my composure back.

As for today?  Yet ANOTHER doctor visit for H.  This is the seco;nd one this week.  It is always the same complaints with him and whatever Docs. do never helps, the meds bother him, he doesn't want to do the exercises because he hurts, and on and on.  AND, even more importantly, a lot of the time he doesn't understand what the Doc. says and I have to explain aterwards.  I had the original Doc apt. today and he called yesterday to piggy back on it because he NEEDS to see the Doc.

Thanks Truie - Yes I felt relieved but also very angry at H.  HOW DARE HE DO THAT TO ME!!

I stopped having anyking of relationship with this SD years ago when I found out what she was.  I'm done.  She had surgery april 1st, which she played victim to my husband about how she was being so mistreated by Doc., therapist, etc.  I haven't even bothered to ask how she is doing because I DON'T CARE.

Since she called H up about her victimizationof how she couldn't get into therapy quickly (which turned out to be BS) he hasn't heard from her, nadda, nothing.  Of course the fact that I e-mailed her Sock Puppet husband feigning how concerned we were that she couldn't get into therapy for another week or so, and would he do what he could tohelp her with that problem.  He emailed back that he wasn't aware that there was any problem with getting her into therapy.  Haven't heard from her since.

With her it was the fact that she was alone because Sock Puppet went back to work and wanted the drama she thrives on.  So, she calls H and cries and complains about therapy, how the docs didn't give her the right pain killers, and on and on.  Of course H gets upset, but you have to understand this is what she does for attention.  She lives on attention and DRAMA.

Well, the only one of H's kids we heard from for Easter was his eldest daughter.  She inquired if we were having Easter dinner with the SD as she is so near us.  H just said no, but I chimed in saying that we never see her unless she wants something.  That didn't seem to surprise elder daughter who evidently has little if anything to do with her either.  She didn't even know her sister had the surgery.  This elder step daughter is nice, well educated, has a job, a nice family, and you can actually talk to her.  Plus, she actually asks how we are doing and whatis going on.  Not like the other one who only calls looking for pity and DRAMA and to stir the pot where her siblings are concerned.

This elder daughter, along with my H, paid the funeral expenses for her Mom so she would be properly taken care of.  The SD around here was only concerned about jumping on a jet to get down there to see if her Mom had anything of value that she could grab, and H's son was only concerned about the Mom's trailer, where he lived with her.

Meanwhile, dealing with H, having some conversations with him makes me feel like a participant in that old Abbott and Costello classic "Who's on First".  I find myself detaching from him, not only for what he did to me, but because I just don't want to go through that carp, if you know what I mean.  Yet other times he is sharp as a tack.

ONe time I tried to talk to him and he started that and I just told him I wasn't going to get involved in a "Who's on First" discussion with him as it gets no where.  

Oh, and the dishes SD "returned" are GONE.  Dropped them off at the local St. Vincent DePaul store.  Still have another box to go through.  I'm not playing game where she is concerned.  I KNOW, and will bet the farm on it, that she will be backing looking for all the stuff.  Trust me, she is going to go ballistic when she finds it is gone, but I am just going to let her Daddy handle all that DRAMA.  Not my problem.

I agree, I probably shouldn't have emailed sock puppet but I was just tired of her calls and being oh so distressed.  I can say that when she gets caught in her lies to sock puppet the carp seems to stop for awhile.  And, I DID abiet feign, that I only contacted him so he can help her get into a therapist because of what she was telling H.

Yes, I am including elder D in tlhings about H.  She was actually touched that I wanted her input on things.  She is an RN so I asked if health issues, etc. come up, with either of us, could we contact her for her advice etc.  She was really touched by that and said no problem, any time.

Okay, I won't poke the bear unless she starts with me.  Then IMHO anything she gets is fair game (no pun intended).  She is going to find out that she is messing with the wrong lady.  If I really wanted to be nasty and poke the bear, I would tell sock puppet about how she complains about him to H and has actually said she wants to leave him BUT she would have a difficult time finding someone that makes the $$ he does - imagine!

Had 2nd counseling session today.  Focused on things I have done to protect myself from SD.  Of priority is going to be getting financial POA from husband.  We are going to work on what I need to do.  At my age divorce and starting again is not feasible so I will make the best  of it.

You can tell things have changed between H and I on my part particularly.because I still feel betrayed.  I told counselor he still has never said anything about that night he left, where he went, etc.  I haven't asked him about it either because I know where he went.

Going to work on taking care of ME.  It is time.

Also told counselor how H wants me to stop using Insta-Cart which makes things oh so easy for me and even him.  Seems he was scared by the guy who delivered the last order - afraid that he would do something to us.  Unreasonable?  Yes.  But that is part of the problem.   Am I going to stop?  Heck NO.  The guy was big with long hair and big beard.  If anything he looked a lot like H's Lard Butt grandson.

Well, things are not getting easier with him.  I am tired of constantly picking up after him and have told him so.  Try to clean and EVERYTHING bothers his lungs, from floor cleaers to vinegar and water.  I believe it is all in his mind as when he doesn't see it he doesn't say anything.  For instance, I was cleaning the stove with  409 cleaner and he came in the kitchen, sat down at the table for awhile and left and never said a word about smells and his lungs, but he didn't see the bottle.  About an hour later he came back in and I had the bottle on the counter top and he asked me if I used it and went into his, oh, my lungs, hack, hack, etc.

BUT, I have met with the lawyer and that is very interesting.

Talked to a qualifed lawyer in dealing with seniors about the situation.  I told him briefly about the SD and her grubbing for the wills, about us having to have 3 of them so she has no problems.  He smiled and chuckled saying the last one about if we both die at the same time she gets everything is "interesting", that he sees she is really trying to get everything in her control.

Fortunately, she can't with the exception of H's IRA portfolio.  When it was in a 401k before he retired, once transferred into the IRA he can distribute it on his dath as he sees fit.  Luckily the attorney has some ways he can try to protect that from happening.

Still going to the counseling.  Right now I am just so pizzed that he did that to me for 11 years!  Getting divorced at this stage of life is not something I want to go through again.  Divorce is tough.

My attitude has changed.  I no longer go out of the way in loving things I use to do.  He doesn't deserve it.   I also don't intend to put up with any more BS from his daughter.  Counselor said the way I was feeling was normal, I had been gaslighted for years and both of them knew they were gaslighting me.

I told the counselor that the SD called earlier that day and was looking to see if we would give our patio furniture to Lard Butt.  I picked up the extension and chimed in:  "No, we are not giving him the patio furniture,  we are old, but her father and I are not dead and still enjoy things in life, incluidng sitting out on the patio."  Tlhen hung up, did not slam phone down, just hung up.  I didn't yell, raise my voice, etc., just stated what I had to say.

I could hear H trying to calm her down (she generally starts crying when she doesn't get her way, and then gets MEAN) tellling her "yeah, I know....." BUT the outcome is that ole Lard isn't getting the patio furniture or anything else.  H didn't even come out and tell me that I was rude to her, being mean, etc. like he would do in the past.  In fact, he agreed that we still do use the patio furniture so why would we give it away.

He knows things have shifted with me and I know it bothers him but it is not up to me to make things right, if that can be done.

Counselor asked why I felt it was necessary to get in the conversation between him and her.  I told her SD has a way of working on her Dad, cajoling him into what she wants - she is manipulative in getting things.  If she had goten him to agree with her, then it would have ended up in a fight between H and I, and I have had enough of that, so I nipped it in the bud, so to speak.  After the sundial incident, she knows all that happened there and how she, too, kept dening she had it.  I am not going to let either of them dupe me again.

What was he going to do, yell at me and walk out?  To where?  Lard and the SD don't want him, he's old and needs attention and care.  I think he knows I am all he's got.

That incident is over, done, but I am not going to let her do something like that again.  Let Lard buy his own patio furniture.

One upside, maybe, H mentioned we haven't heard from SD in weeks until she wanted something.  Maybe he is catching on and starting to feel a bit used in his old age.  Don't know.

One more thing, counselor told me to mark down this incident of calling wanting us to give her son furniture that we were still using as it adds to the pattern.  H and I have never gotten anything from the SD or Lard Butt, never taken us out for a burger, show, shopping, nadda.

Working on that POA for H.  Many times he is as sharp as a tack at other times, well not too much.  Lately he is becoming more and more confused about things.  He watches a lot of news programs and can't keep things straight.  The other day he kept insisting to me that Iran was meeting with Putan in Turkey.  I said, no, it was Ukraine but H kept insisting.   He never did get it straight and it can be totally confusing to try to understand and talk to him at times.  Today he says that Trump is going to the Capital Building to meet with the Govenors.  I didn't know what he was talking about and finally figured out he was talking about the House Representators and Senators.

Three times in a row he asked me what time it was.  I answered him the first time, then he asked again about a minute later, and I responded, only to have him ask me again immediately.  When I said he asked me the same thing 3 times and I had answered him, he claimed I didn't.

I am keeping notes on this and the other strange things he does, like with the chicken bones, where he won't throw them in garbage can, but has to wrap them in aluminum and keep them in refrig. until the night before garbage collection.  Why, you ask?  Because they would stink if he throws them in big covered outside can.  BUT, has no problem throwing rib bones and other garbage out, just specifically chicken bones.

I am holding on because if this stuff continues it will help me get that POA and totally shut down the SD.  I do feel terrible thinking like this, but I do have to take care of myself.

Yesterday was our 31st anniversary.  H gave me flowers and a card that, in the past, I would have thought nice, but I didn't, I saw it as sappy, he KNOWS I have changed though I haven't said anything about it too him.  Why bother.

I get upset that he did that carp to me and has never apologized or actually acknowledged what he and SD did together!

AT times I feel I shouldn't feel like this, but then heck, I sure as h*ll deserved better that what they did tome.  It is not about the sundial, it is about his actions and deceptions.

He did start talking about how is is concerned that SD will never forget that I took the money she offered.  He guaranteed that.  He is concerned that because I did that she won't help me out when he is gone!  I sat him down and told him point blank that she has never helped us out all this time and she isn't going to later whether he is here or not and he has to face and understand that.  That is why I am working on getting other support for us.

After years I can tell you how it will go down for Father's Day.  FD will come and go and H will not hear from her until, oh, 2 or 3 days after.  Then she will call and tell him how she "Forgot it was Father's Day", boo hoo hoo.  Shenever sends a card because they cost $$.  H, who would be feeling bad that he didn't hear from her, will then forgive her and the cycle will start all over again.

I use to celebrate Father's Day, fuss over him so he wouldn't feel bad even though the oldest daughter always remembers and calls.  After all he put me through I could care less.  NMP.

The fact that I have gotten to that points makes me feel bad, if you know what I mean. 

Today's argument with H is about hiring someone to help out with housework, say every 2 weeks at first.  He is dead set against it.  My plan, if he doesn't settle down about this,  is to actually call the Dept. of Health and tell them that H won't help keep house clean, throws things on floor and leaves them until I clean it up and it is difficult for me.

This AM, with me in the kitchen watching, he made himself some eggs and dropped one of the eggs on the floor.  He just LEFT IT THERE!!! and containued.  Yeah, I know it is difficult for him to bend down, but it is difficult for me also.  I was the one that cleaned it up  He won't load or even empty the dishwasher any more because he hurts.  I do it, carefully, but I can do it.

And, forgive me here, I am just so tired of hearing him grunt and groan in pain every time he moves.  I hurt too, but I don't vocalize it, just deal with it.  No wonder his D doesn't want him.  Now, if he had a lot of $$ and there was a chance she could get at it she would be falling all over H, and even me.

I now have that money I inherited all safely invested in my name alone.  I never comingled the funds and never will.  Inherited money is NOT considered joint assets unless you comingle the funds.  H is upset that I have done this.  To bad.  I am protecting myself in case his crazy daughter gets some bug up her butt when he passes, and she will.  Who inherits this money is in my will.

Protecting myself.

Yeah, H gave me a whole litenany of why I should put it in joint names.  I just gave him one reason, his ghoul of a daughter - end of issue.  I am so pizzed I didn't even put him as beneficiary on it.  I told him it would be distributed according to my will.  He'll get over it.

I discussed this issue with the counselor yesterday.  H could do a lot more, he just would rather moan and groan and be flat out miserable.

He doesn't want ANY ONE to come into the house.  As I said earlier, he wanted me to stoop using Insta-Cart because he didn't like the looks of the one delivery guy, claimed he scared him.  BS.  The guy looked and had the built of H's grandson Lard Butt.  You know, long greasy hair, beard, heavy, looks like Big Foot.

I got fed up yesterday morning when, once again, H cluttered the kitchen table with all kinds of carp, the newspaper he was finished reading, junk mail that I just throw out but he insists on shredding sometime, his medicine bottles, which he won't put away.  I just walked in and swopped it all off on to the floor so I could have a place to eat MY breakfast.  THAT got his attention.  After b*t*ching at me about what I just did, which I totally ignored, he cleaned it all up.  Yes, he was able to get down and pick it all up.  The only thing I said was that if he put it back on the table I was swopping it off again, so he put it away or threw it out.  I finished breakfast and went out for the day and had a nice time.

Counselor said I must have really been upset by that and I told her he does it all the time and leaves ALL the messes to me, inside or out.  He hurts, his hip, his lungs, his heart, and the list goes on.  Sounds like his daughter with all her aches and pains.

I said that he was only there because of my graciousness.  I had never told her how he was a drama queen, just like his D, that night he got mad at me told me he was going to divorce me and left.  When I asked him where his bag was, he told me that where he was going he wouldn't need any extra clothes.  As I told the counselor, it was as though he was threatening me with doing something to himself.  This all because of what he and his daughter did to ME.  That is why I called the local motel and found out he had checked in there.  Oh the drama.  He wouldn't go to his daughters because of night driving and, most importantly, she doesn't want him.  No bucks, no Dad.  Nothing in it for her.

Folks, I am hanging in, and doing things to try to make my life better.  But I can tell you that the thought of divorce came up at that counseling meeting.

Today he is fixated, again, on the heat pump, is it running right, the thermostate isn't working (he claims)  The sytem is not even 2 years old.  Been through this before with the system in the winter.   There was nothing wrong with it.

All this aggrevation because he talked me into moving down here because his daughter convinced him that she would help us out in our old age.  We alll know how that is going.  Hindsight is always 20/20.

I guess his daughter has called hima few times, or emailed him, don't care, and told him how she goes over to Lard's place and paints the walls for them, her and sock puppet are tearing down an old shed with him, etc.  All the things we could use that he asked for help and she was always too busy or never showed. BUT, she wanted to be in control of our wills!  The greedy money grubbing ghoul.  When H has told me about this, I just say, "Oh, that's nice" or nothing at all.  He has to know that she is rubbing it in, if it is even true as she just had that knee surgery April 1.  She is a major BSer especially if she thinks she can make him, and me, feel bad. 

His delusion here is that he keeps believing she is going to show up and help us out.  After all, YEARS ago she said she was going to.   In all these years she has NEVER taken us out for a burger, shopping, show, NOTHING.  And that was when she thought she was going to get everything from us.  Now that she knows otherwise, why on earth does he want to believe she will change is beyound me. 

Sorry to expound all this.  The fact is that I just don't trust him anymore, and triple that if he is in contact with his daughter.  I feel trapped because of my age, etc.

You know he has never ONCE apologized to me for what he and his D did to me.  Especially the gaslighting of over 11 years.  He knew I knew she had the piece but rather than get it back chose to tell me I was wrong, it was still packed away in the garage.

NOW, it is not about the sundial as much as it is the coniving and lying of him and his daughter to me.

I know I have to work this through, but the fact that I deal with him every day doesn't make it easier or quicker.

I understand and I may have been dramatic when I said swooped.  Bad on me for being dramatic on that.  Don't worry isn't going to get hurt by anything I actually pushed off the table.  I had also cleaned the table of his carp 2 the day before.

The table cluttering is constant for H lately. Trust me, if you were already badly wounded,  as I am, and he kept up the nonsense he does, the table, the heat pump (nothing wrong with it, HAV was out this morning).  That is in H's head.  He is convinced that the dining room chair, which is just a simple ladder back, no cushion, and is in the middle of the floor pushed up to the table, which is in the middle of the dining room IS the reason the "thermostate isn't working right".  It is keeping the cool air from giving a correct reading on the thermostate.  You should have seen the look the HAV guy gave me when H spouted that.  A, is this guy for real? look.

He had a cognizant test by our family doc and passed that abiet he was really watching and listening; but this is the type of crazy stuff I put up with.  Like the chicken bones he refuses to put in the trash but wraps them and puts them in the fridge until the night b4 garbage collection.  Not rib bones, not beef bones, just chicken bones.  Why?  Because they stink if he were to put them in the outside garbage before that.  I am not kidding about that.  It is the strangest thing he has started doing.

His latest, this AM?  He is going to get our energy usage down below everyone else in the area.  Our home is already one of the most efficient, according to the report Duke Energy sends out.  He is going to get it down if he has to turn off EVERYTHING I guess.  Lucky me.  

Don't even think about getting him to couselling.  If he knew I was he would have a fit.  He considers it  waste of time and money.

He left the home because he was caught in colussion with his D in gaslighting me for YEARS.  If you are looking for a drama Queen it is him.  The, I don't need to take any clothes, etc. with me because I WON'T NEED THEM line.

Some times I think he is acting out because lhe didn't get the reaction out of me when he came home the next morning.  I was suppose to be in tears, up all night and oh so glad he didn't do what he threatened.  His let down was that I was asleep and not wringing my hands in despair etc. 

And like you say ESMOD, my options due to his health, age etc. are limited and that is weighing on me now too. 

Thanks ESMOD   That is what I have been working on.  Things take time, sorting out what to do IS a BIG thing.  Putting up with the things I mentioned above also doesn't help.  Been to the lawyer about wills and making certain that SD can't get to them and leave me with just the proverbial barrel.

BTW, we are not talking about just throwing those chicken bones in the kitchen garbage, but throwing them along with the other kitchen garbage in the outside, tightly lidded can.  And I am not even going to try to explain his obsession about keeping plastic bags from the grocery store.  Trust me, it would drive any one nuts.  At times it seems like he just want to hoard them.

THIS stuff is why SD was fluttering around him that day in the hospital.  It wasn't about his health etc., it was what she could get.   She isn't living rent free in my brain, but when she surfaces or H starts talking about her I listen carefully,  H is generally a softie, SD is a manipulative money grubbing, greedy ghoul.

Fortuately the salt around my property is working and she hasn't been around....no, just kidding about the salt, but don't I wish.  She hasn't been around since the lawn mower incident and hasn't called since the day she got H all upset with her poor me, the bad doctors, the therapist won't see me, and all her other catterwailing, and the call to make a play for our patio furniture.  My guess is that after she had to fork out that $$ to me she is totally pizzed and sulking to see how she can get even.   It is kind of like international situations, I don't bother BUT if her name comes up, I listen quite intently abiet I don't say anything so I am aware of what is going on especially with H as he is.

ESMOD - H has no problem throwing seafood things in the trash.  It is just the chicken bones.

And like you say, one never knows who he is going to be at any time, lazy, demented or normal.  Just that keeps me, oh what word do I want to use, maybe super alert.  That is why I watch out for the SD, she knows his mental status and is just waiting like a spider on a web.

I got myself a big puzzel to work on the table in the sunroom which is out of the way.  Nine will get you ten that he starts moaning at me when I put the fan on out there as it is going to be in the 80's today.

As I say, I am not just sitting here steaming, but trying to figure things out.

The other day when we went to Wal-Mart, H saw a sign for a handy man and copied down the number.  A check with our neighbor who told us there were a lot of folk by that last name in area so she didn't know anything.

Well, H called and left a message.  A few hours later he get a call from this guy in response so H tells him what we need to have done (of course I am listening because we all know how H can go).  The guy we were talking to had to talk to someone else in the background, giving him details etc.  Hmmm.  I also noticed that the number this call came in on was not the number H originally called and asked only to be told that we had called one of their various numbers.  Hmmm again. H arranged a time for him to come out today, but I had my suspicions.   Like why did everything have to go through this party and be repeated to the so-called handy man instead of just giving him the phone, and other things.

Yesterday, after talking to H about my not feeling right about this guy, we called the number they called from only to find that it was hone, has no message box.  I am confused about this because H left a message the first time and when I called to cancel the service said there was no voice mail, not that it was full, but there was NO voice mail associated with that number. So I called the original number and left word that we had changed our minds.  This dude was to meet with us at 1 p.m. today and right around that time some older truck did a few, several runs around our cul-de-sac going slow as though he was looking for an address.  But never stopped, went slow when he went by (could see him out the window).

When I went out for mail I mentioned it to our great neighbor and she, too, thought is strange.  But, knowing that we needed some help in things, had talked to a friend of her's who has a 15 year old boy who wants to make some $$ this summer.  Kid is too young to work, doesn't have a driver's license yet but wants to earn some money.  Even better is that he is only about 2 long blocks away.

I am exchanging numbers so I can get some help with things around the yard, garage, etc.  Maybe even get some help washing down the kitchen walls, supervised, of course, which I have wanted to do for a couple of years now.

Time will tell.

This so called handy-man made me think about the time I grew up and lived in the Chicago area, the scammers would show up in the summer.  They called them gypsies as they were not from around the area.  You had to be careful because they, well, one would be working and the other sneaking into your looking for stuff to steal. 

One scam I remember, because a neighbor fell for it, and he was not dumb.  It was when a guy approached hm about resealing his blacktop driveway.  Claimed he had just done one near by and had extra product and would give my neighbor a good price.  Neighbor agreed and the "sealer" was put on the driveway which looked good at first, but never seem to dry, and pretty much washed away after the first good rain.  The neighbor had no recourse because the contact info he was given was not valid.  Never forgot that.

In fact the local Chicago news shows would always have warnings to the public when these folk were in town because of the calls to police etc. 

Moral, you gotta be careful and doubly so when you are older.

I bought this neat ladder that is more like walking up stairs and climbing up a ladder, has hand rails on side.  Much more secure.  I go up a few steps on it to get things done, but am a tad nervous about going higher.  If the young man is agreeable to doing the walls, that is what I would have him use rather than just a step stool..safer.

Like I told H.  Treat him well and he'll be glad to come around and help us even when he turns 16.  He obviously had ambition, something that is sadly lacking in a lot of the young and other people these days as we all know.

This will be his first jobs if it works out.  I am thnking about paying about $10-15.00 an hour depending on the job.  What do you say on that? We are in southeastern IN.  Don't want to underpay, but don't want to overpay either a youngster either...want to be fair but I am not McDonalds etc.

As you can see, I am still pizzed, but trying to find ways to help us out.  But at least something MAY be accomplished.  Won't have to depend on H to do anything whether he can or not and listen to him bleat about his hips, his lungs, his heart, his knees etc.   I honestly believe from watching him etc., that YES he does have problens but no where near what he likes to bleat about.  For example, he could have cleaned that darn egg he dropped off the floor, IMHO, he just didn't want to, leave it for me.

As for finances - H will go through 3-4 eggs before he finds one he wants to use.  The rest will have some kind of problem according to him...aka, it didn't look right and on and on.  Bread is getting to be another interesting item.  He either wants to through it away the day after I purchase it because it is "OLD and STALE", or wants to hang on to it when it starts getting moldy and I throw it away.

FWIW, H's daughter never bothered with him for Father's Day.  Am I surprised?  Nope.  She will probably call tomorrow or Wed. and give him some story  about how she just forgot it was Father's Day, but isn't it nice that she called now.

I hope I am the one that gets to answer the call because I intend to tell her Father's Day was last Sunday and hang up.  Enough BS is enough BS.  I know H felt bad because of how he was acting/

She has done this for years.  Several years back I ran into her Sock Puppet and her at Wal-Mart and remarked to him how H didn't get a call from her on Father's Day and was hurt.  His response was just to look at me and shrug his shoulders. THAT spoke volumes.