Day 5
Well, yesterday I met a friend for coffee and long two hour chat in Starbucks. While there I bumped into another friend, who when I mentioned I wea looking for a new job, gave me a great lead. I'm so glad I made the effort to get out of the house.
I felt more confident and thought about a comment made to me earlier...."am I just sitting waiting for my ex to come back? And why don't I take charge of the breakup"....so while in town I went to the estate agents to begin the process to sell the house. I will need my ex's permission, so I texted him to tell hiim what I was doing. I heard nothing, but when I got there they were closed due to Xmas!
I also went to local Health shop and stocked up on vitamins, and after a chat, herbal pills to help with anxiety and to be able to sleep better.
But when I got home my son to,d me that my ex had been in again collecting more things! I realised that as soon as he had received my text telling him I was out he drove straight round! I think this is cowedly and I texted him to say this and to ask him if he would let me know next time. then texts started back and forth again, I shouldn't have sent the first one, I realise now.
He said he thinks I have problems and that he feels sorry for me as its all my fault., and that I shouldn't be so preoccupied with his daughter as he isn't. I didn't respond to that, which was hard.
Last night a friend came round and I helped her with some course work then we went out for dinner locally. Really enjoyed it. Slept well.
Woke today at 9.30 am to a call from work, which I didn't pick up as I knew I would be asked to work. Don't feel ready yet. Didnt get dressed all day, but took all the Xmas decks down, and cleaned up. I'm not eating very well ATM.
My son has just left to go to my older daughters for dinner, with my younger daughter too. I'm not invited as my OD isn't happy with me still. I have apologised over and over to her but she's says that not enough and wants me to think about what a bad mum I've been to her when she was going through the break up of her relationship. I dont get this I as I listened to her everyday for months while she was going through it all. Whilst telling me she's not interested in my relationship breakdown at all.
Have been sitting here trying not to let negative feelings wash over me, but do feel upset that my kids are all meeting a few streets away. Maybe they are right. But I don't want to be a victim and feel sorry for myself. I have decided to accept things the way they are, and change what I am able to.
Just watched A clip of The Secret, and am going to try and think positively.....no I am going to think positively.
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Comments
I found out I can't legally
I found out I can't legally change the locks as its still his house too. Also my son was here both times and said I can't expect him to bolt the door as its not his house and he doesn't want to be caught in the middle.
Both times my ex has been here to collect things he had a chat with my son. I have asked him not to come in when I'm not here but I know he will continue to do this.
I have a key to his house, that he is sharing with his daughter and I expect he would blow a fuse if I was to walk in there! I know what he would say, that his house is his and our house is ours. He's right, I'm not named on his house details at all.
Today I have started to collect more of his things together in a pile for him.
Doesn't matter if it isn't
Doesn't matter if it isn't your house- if you are still married on paper, he can't sell it without your permission.
Have you also thought about joining a divorce support group? Sounds like you could really use it.
Well yes and no on the
Well yes and no on the legality of changing the locks, you can, however so can he (he might not know this guys never know this shit,and I could be a little wrong since your not in the US right?)
He can legally break in then you can have him charged for the cost of all items removed, since legally it's half your stuff. I'd just change them. Get paperwork going and don't contact him for anything let it go through legal channels, before he goes taking something valuable of yours.
I gave my ex 2 days and times to chose to get his stuff and packed it all for him, told him anything else he'd have to ask for in court, he never showed and seemed happy I gave him all his personal stuff and collectors stuff.
I've packed up some more of
I've packed up some more of his stuff. Most of the stuff in here is mine as he kept his stuff at his. Only major items are desk, shelves and washing machine. I dont think he would take anything of mine, i just dont like the idea of him coming in when Im out, just doesnt seem respectful to me.
Realised with a bang that he never really moved in! Never sold his other house, so never committed, so in turn kept me feeling insecure about the relationship!
Woken up today feeling bit scared and lonley...not upset, yet. Think it's just because its New Year's Eve today. Will be glad to go back to work.
Watched The Secret last night , which was really inspiring, so I'm focussing on being positive. Which is me really, always try to see 'glass half full'.