Sounds like my life years ago .. Thank god she is in college and left STATE ... I a so sorry you are going through this , my sd lived with us same thing She use to sit on my couch for hours through the day ignore me I would stay out of her way and be in my room ... One day i said No more So i sat in the same room as her and carried on like she wasn't even there .. Well she moved into her room .. I hate to say this But she aged out and left .. it never got better We didn't let her control one thing Grad Party -- she moved out and really has never looked back at me ... But with you having a baby they are acting like real jerks / spoiled / If i was you i would call a marriage counselor Take hubby and then it's an outsider will speak their peace / And maybe hubby can see what's going on .. Not coming from you because , All i heard is why are you Jealous ? I wasn't Jealous it was his child with Ignorant behaviors and he was condoning them. Marriage Counselor / And you will feel better for yourself .. Good Luck

I agree with old dart, but I don't think that is the big issue here. I suggest therapy all the way around, but doesn't sound like these girls will participate.

DH prob has some guilt going on, and it seems the punishments are not matching the behaviors. I think the punishment is way to light, considering what they are saying and doing to you. That's bullying. By any definition, you are being bullied and intimidated by 2 preteen girls, and they get their phone taken away? Not enough imo

"They were 14 and 15 at the time." ****And earlier in the post OP states "I started dating my husband a few years ago"

I would suggest that from reading this these are adult step children, and if they are the answer becomes very simple. Either they go or you do and DH has a choice to make.

I have a SD that for the first time shouldered me a few weeks ago in an attempt to intimidate me and show that she was running my house.

I have since went crazy loco in her face and told her if she wants to go Mono Mono women to women and she thinks she is up for it to bring it on, but that if she made contact with me ever again physically, It was no holds barred. I was gonna knock her on her ever loving ass.

*************after reading OP response these time lines are really really off. They date for some time prior to her meeting the girls, they were 14/15. They are now only 15/16. And we already have a new baby in the mix? Last I checked it took 10 months to have a baby.

Sounds like these kids have been thrown into a situation they are not equipped to handle in a very short span of time. Does that excuse their behavior? Absolulty not, but does it change the landscape of the responses to this post...

Huge red flag!!!!
I have tolerated the same actions by my SD17 off and on for 8 years, I compromised and bowed down for th sake of my DH. But my drawing point is 18 years old. I will not compromise my life for an 18 year old who is a legal adult. And you shouldnt either.

Do not let them physically abuse you ever, and if their adults they need to get out!

You've been given lots and lots of great suggestions. I have one for the shoving it's what my own SM did to us kids (mostly me as a teen it wasn't personal I just knew I could push her around and was a horrible teen)After several times of elbowing her out of my way or shouldering past her she'd had enough. I pushed and she stepped right in my way, I really pushed and she stepped right forward making me step back staring me down, I went to do it again and she said, "don't you dare child I'm the adult, you are the child, not my child but a child in MY home and you will not disrespect my space, push me again, lay your shoulder into me again it's battery, threaten me it's assault I will call the police and we will let you sit in jail, I will do this every time because you don't have the RIGHT to treat me or anyone with physical violence and touching me in a threatening manner is just that so knock it off or go to jail."
I never did that again. I'd say that's about when she disengaged. Mind you as she was giving her speech I'd turned around to go back to my room and she stepped in front of my door so I couldn't without again shoving her, it would of ment cops if I had and I knew it. I never ment her harm I just hated everything as a teen and she was an easy target till she stopped taking it.
I was such an awful step kid.

Next time they shoulder you, call the police and press charges for assault.

I think the trick with all kids is finding the one thing that will get to them. They don't care about the punishments? They don't think that there is anything YOU or your DH can do once they are already punished? PEEESH. There's always something. They are at an age where friends, popularity, what other people think of you, and looks matter. Here are some suggestions as to what I would do.

1.) You ask for their phones and they bring you all of their devices.
- One week additional grounding from all electronics for each item they
bring to you, i.e. laptop, ipad, and stereo. That's three weeks grounded
from not only their phone but the other items as well.

2.) They want to disrestpect you and shove you around.
- Strip all of the clothing out of their rooms other then socks and
underwear. Replace taken items with the most horrible school uniforms that
you can find. For every shove, sign of disrespect, or snoty comment it's a
week wearing the uniforms. If that doesn't work then you can always go to
school with them in your PJs.

3.) No more money being spent on them for things that they don't need. Those things are a previlage and not a right and as we all know previlages are earned. If they want things then they need to start acting their ages and treat you with respect.

4.) They want to get physical with you.
- Fine, then call the police. I have flat out told DH that if either of his
kids lay a hand on me when they get older I will call the police and I
will press charges and he knows that I mean it.

5.) You ask them to do extra home work as a punishment and they do everything in the book.
- Have ten more books sitting there ready to be completed. Don't let them
see them. When they complete the first book and look up at you with the
raised eyebrow you can calmly smile back and go and grab another book for
them to prove their point with and then another and another.

- And lots and lots of sentences. We're talking hours worth.

6.) They want to ignore you like you're not their.
- Have you DH do the same to them. I know that some people on this post see
that as not being that bad but to me it's out right disrespect to not
acknowledge someone in your own home.

You see, what they are doing is a game and they are winning but I can assure you that it stops being fun when it turns on you. You and your DH will need to be consistent. Your DH will need to be on board with you. If they get worse then the punishments keep coming. They need to be reminded of the fact that there is always something that can be taken away. ALWAYS. (An expample would be taking their doors off of their bedrooms. Oh they will freak out and lash out but don't give in. Everytime they lash out or get worse it's another week without their doors. Let them act like they don't care but know that they do. They woundn't react that way if they didn't. Once they see that their behavior isn't working they'll either stop or try something else.) Your DH can't falter on this or else they will win and the behavior will continue. They will see that all they have to do when they are being punished is act out and they will get out of their punishment. You and your DH are going to have to be creative with these two. Think about the punishments before you dish them out. Think about how they will react and think about how you will handle the reaction and be prepared to take away something else. Won't they be driving pretty soon? Don't they need an adult to help get them a license? Isn't that a previlage and not a right? You see, there's always something. They are still children and are dependent on adults for survial. It seems that they need to be reminded of that.

Sit down with your DH and talk to him. You need to set your boundaries of what you think is acceptable behavior in your home and what you will not tolerate and relay that to him. You guys both need to be on the same page here if anything is going to change. They may never love, like, or respect you but they can learn where your boundaries are at and that if they cross it they will get their a$$es handed back to them.

I agree it's like a game with them. So sad, really. My ss14 was like this as well. His main goal in life was to defy me and show me that I could not tell him what to do. So, yeah, I made life pretty damn difficult for him. He ended up moving out. Which was great.

You do have power and control in that household whether you realize it or not. Sit and think and make a list of all that you control. The thermostat? What groceries are bought? The cable tv lineup? The internet? I've done things such as put a lock code on the tv so it locks at certain hours, I have turned our router off, I've refused to buy groceries, do laundry. I certainly refuse to give rides, cook meals for skid, or clean up after him in anyway. I also refused to let him overtake areas of the house. If he sat in the living room all sprawled out watching tv-I'd simply go and turn it off. Sorry, I feel like peace and quiet. What can he do about it? No a damn thing.

As far as the shoving thing. I would so call the police every single time this happens. Even if the police choose to do nothing about it-likely it will get a reaction from your dh. Which, he needs to react. He is trying to ignore the issues.

As far as them ignoring you, I'd be happy about that one. I'd be happy the want nothing to do with the baby. I would take the baby and do lots of fun stuff, buy her lots of fun things, have some lady friends over, your extended family over. Take back your home. You have been far too nice. It's time to stop!

Whatever their reasons for behaving this way, it is totally unacceptable. They are abusing you in your own home - shoving you around, pushing you, calling you horrible names? If your parter treated you like that it would be called domestic violence, and it's no different coming from them. They're more than old enough to know right from wrong and should at the very least be showing respect for you and your home. It's quite possible that they have found it hard to deal with their mother's death and feel that their father has simply gone and found a replacement for her - you. They may have felt pushed aside, excluded in favour of a new wife and baby, and that would certainly cause this level of resentment. They could have unresolved grief over losing their mother and if they were never helped to cope with their grief at the time that could be causing emotional problems for them. However, whatever the reason for their behaviour and however sad their story is, that's still no excuse for treating you like this. You haven't mistreated them and you shouldn't ever have to put up with this kind of crap. You're right to be worried about your baby growing up in such an unpleasant atmosphere too, as its not setting a good example of family values and showing kindness and respect for other people, not to mention the baby seeing his/her mother being pushed around and called names.

I think the answer lies with your husband. He is allowing his daughters to abuse his wife under her own roof and he needs to get a hell of a lot tougher to put a stop to it. He may feel guilty and stuck in the middle between his wife and his kids, but he is the parent and needs to teach them that abusing his wife will no longer be tolerated. How he does this is a difficult one - it appears that taking their privileges away hasn't worked so he needs to find another way. It sounds like the counsellor they're seeing is a waste of time, and I would seriously find someone else who has experience of dealing with grief as well as teenage behaviour/family problems. I think you said you were in contact with a psychiatrist and psychologist, and if so what advice/support have they offered? Have they given any insight into what's behind this vindictive behaviour, and is it worth having another session with them, maybe on your own, to talk honestly and in detail about what's really going on?

This situation is not going to change unless some drastic action is taken. You have a few years left before they leave for college, and that's long enough to cause irreversible damage to your marriage, your self esteem, your wellbeing and that of your baby. Tolerating it until they eventually leave is not an option if you want to preserve your marriage and your sanity, and you need to have a long, honest talk with your husband, tell him exactly how it makes you feel and tell him things have got to change. Try not to sound as though youre blaming him, as that will just make him defensive, and the last thing you need is the "you hate my kids" speech as that would just give him an excuse to let it continue. Offer to work with him and support him in finding ways to deal with it, suggest going with him and/or the skids to family counselling. If he thinks you want to work with him and you're worried about the skids wellbeing he might be more likely to take some action. Which ever way you approach it, you're going to have to be very firm, impress upon him that this cannot continue and stick to your guns, as it sounds like it's been going on for far too long and you know you deserve better. If all else fails, tell him you will move out and take your baby with you so you can live in separate homes till the brats leave. At least then you and your baby would be protected from these monsters and you could maintain your marriage until such a time you could live together again. Drastic I know, but I had to do it because my teenage bd could not bear to live under the same roof as my dh's 3 much younger, noisy, messy kids who had serious behaviour probems. Shes grown up and got her own place now so dh moved back in with his 3 older, much better behaved boys, so everything worked out eventually.