To put my perspective on the spanking of Kids/Skidsin less incendiary wording and a bit of a peace offering.
Every child has the right to effective parents and some parents fail in that duty by failing to discipline effectively or provide adequate behavioral guidlines with appropriate consequences for failure to comply with those behavioral expectations.
Corporal punishment may be an effective option for discipline.
No child regardless of age should be abused..... ever.
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Very diplomatically put
Very diplomatically put Rags... hopefully we can put the lid back on that can of worms for a few weeks!
Agreed, there are many very
Agreed, there are many very ineffective parents = entitled, unskilled, irresponsible, high risk (pregnancy, chemical dependency, poor grades, failing relationships, on and on and on), manipulative/cheating, no problem solving skills, etc. children...eventually adults who perpetuate such a horrible cycle.
I swat the kids on the rear when needed, never my skids (FDH handles that...although I have been given permission). Guidelines are clear, my children know that if they lie, cheat, steal they will be swatted - no emotion from me, calm and as a reminder. I swat my little one's hand when he is in danger and will not listen (hot! sharp! DANGER WILL ROBINSON!!! DANGER!!!). I think once the kids reach 12 or 13, punishment for those offences will come in another form...scrub the kitchen floor with a toothbrush or something...
All this whining about no
All this whining about no spanking.... and all this whining about rude/direspectful/assh*le kids? hmmm.... We were not beaten when we were kids by a long shot. But we sure as HELL didn't roll our eyes or talk back to our parents. When did kids start ruling the roost?
This topic pisses me off. We (I am almost 40) were told we cannot punish our kids. Our kids and skids would threaten with CAS. Seriously????
I am terrified of the next generation.
I remember threatening my dad
I remember threatening my dad with CPS once. He told me to go ahead. When they left, I would learn the meaning of a beating. I was spanked as a child, and I turned out to be a very respectful and considerate human being. A lot of kids could use a good spanking, but everyone is so afraid of abuse charges, that it doesn't get done. What kind of adults are we raising now?
I say, let our parents have
I say, let our parents have 'em for a while... maybe they will understand. LOL!!!!
I've daydreamed of doing this
I've daydreamed of doing this to SS. }:) I wouldn't, but it would make me feel better sometimes.
Now that is an innovative
Now that is an innovative discipline technique for the modern age.
careful, justanotherday,
careful, justanotherday, they'll be setting up to lynch you next
I wonder if I could interest
I wonder if I could interest my DH in shock collars for the SDs? Sigh, probably not, as you can't teach an old dog new tricks. I think that they might have had some effect 10 years ago.
On the way home, with a car
On the way home, with a car full of football players, my son turned to me and said "Mom, tell them what would happen to me if I cursed at you."
I said "YOU tell them what would happen to you if you cursed at me." He turns around and tells his teammates "I wouldn't have any teeth left."
There was another Hispanic boy in the car and he said "Word. My mom would break my face if I spoke to her the way these white boys talk to their moms. What's wrong with your moms man?"
We all laughed, but it was very telling that the 2 Hispanic kids knew better than to disrespect their Hispanic moms. We're old school, we believe in kicking our kids asses.
ufr, I like your style. It
ufr,
I like your style. It is great that you kids understand acceptable behavior towards their parents.
My 5'2" mom knocked me out when I was 16 (6'1") and told her to take the garbage out when she asked me to do it. I was pseudo joking but she wasn't. When I came to on the floor she was rubbing her hand.
I popped up, grabbed the garbage and asked her if there was anything else I could do to help her.
When I came back inside she told me thank you and gave me a hug.
Now every time we visit my parents my mom asks me to take the garbage out and I tell her to do it. Her eyebrow raises and she doubles up her fist and gives me THE look. We both laugh and I take the garbage out. When mom and dad visit us I ask her to take the garbage out. We go through the same cycle. She gives me the look and I take the garbage out.
Every time we go through the routine I come in from taking the garbage out. She says thank you and gives me a hug.
For reference, I will be 50 in a couple of months.
I have no doubt that when your kids are 50 you will be very close.
Thanks for sharing.
I understand that there are
I understand that there are those kids that don't ever need to have the shit knocked outta them. To those parents I say "God bless you" you are lucky and truly blessed. Then there are those kids that try and cross boundaries that they have no business crossing and that the "you're on time out Timmy" doesn't work for shit. Those kids, one good swift pop across the mouth does wonders. That is not abuse, that is reminding the little fuckers who is boss. You don't have to agree with it, you don't have to like it, but you should respect it & not judge.
There is no "one parenting style fits all" it just doesn't work that way.
My sons know that there is no one on this Earth more important to me than they are. They will respect me, they will respect their elders, they WILL always be respectful to everyone, because that shit is just not tolerated in our home.
Please keep going. I hear
Please keep going. I hear you and I definately agree. My parents had the same expectations of my two younger brothers and I.
Mom did not have to wait for dad to get home to deal with her sons. But, when dad did get home the game was really on because one unequivical fact was that you did not disprect my father's wife even if she was our mom.
None of us needed a pop very often and all of ours were to the butt with a belt (exept when mom knocked me out). Dad put his fist in the floor next to my head one time when I got lippy with mom when I was ~13 but he never punched any of us because he did not want to kill us.
You did not ever mess with 5' 1" mom and you for damned sure did not push USMC dad too far.
We are all amazingly close as adults. We definately won the parent lottery. Mom and dad are incredible.
I think that is what is being
I think that is what is being lost in your thread. If spanking is effective, it doesn't need to happen more than a few times in a kids lifetime.
My youngest has gotten plucked in the mouth on several occasions and one time I had to pull out the belt and whack him across his legs to get my point across. That's all it took though. He's not scarred for life nor does he think he is being abused. In fact, he's told me on more than one occasion that he really isn't understanding why time is flying by so fast. He doesn't want to be an adult, he likes his life the way it is.
As far as Skids go...Personally, I won't touch them. It's just a line I wouldn't feel comfortable crossing.
You're SO right!!! I work in
You're SO right!!!
I work in retail and see all kinds of people come in here. It's generally the Hispanic families, their kids might ASK mom for something but they respect her answer. A lot of white kids will DEMAND and keep going when mom says no. Gotta say, black kids are damn respectful of their moms, too. I think it's definitely cultural. I think white parents are often too sheltering of their kids and coddle them.
Some kids are smarter than
Some kids are smarter than others and get the meaning of the look without any further action.
I was a bit slower than you were as a child.
Notasm - OH the look - yes
Notasm - OH the look - yes this is a big joke in our family now that we are grown all 8 of us feared the look more than a spanking anytime! You could be in a room full of company and say something that was not to Mom's liking and she knew when to shoot the look off to you and you shut up real quick! I have heard from my brothers and sisters I am the one with the best imitation of "THE LOOK" and I take it as a compliment!
My exH had "the look" with my
My exH had "the look" with my DDs, now 31 and 29. The 29 year old openly admits he could scare her, but not in a bad way, he commanded respect. It was never necessary to spank them. I get it that this is not the way with all kids. I can think of a particular friend's child, now aged 8, whom I would absolutely love to wallop.
LadyFace - well said!
LadyFace - well said!
A healthy fear of your
A healthy fear of your parents isn't a bad thing, I was spanked as a child and turned out fine. I would not spank FSD, I don't know that I would spank my own kids either.
I was spanked twice in my
I was spanked twice in my life once by my father and once by the father of a family friend, my friend and I both got it, her first and me knowing that I was next. Both times were well deserved and I don't hold any resentment. Also, all my parents said about me getting a spank from my friends father was it must have been deserved.
I have never spanked my SD even though I have been give permission nor would I, however I have never let her know that I would never do it. She is under the impression that she could have or would have if she ever where to deserve it (okay not anymore as she is 14 and taking away the internet is way more effective now). Therefore I am wondering for us who got spanked if after the first time, or for the slow learners the second, you never took it that far because you knew that a spank was a possibility. I mean every time my dad brought out the belt, he didn't need to use it because we knew he could and we didn't want to go there. I believe that gave myself and my brother a healthy fear of our parents who where in fact parents and not our friends.
I have a very healthy respect for my parents and now I consider them my friends, but that is also because I am a self sufficent adult.
You know who needs a good old
You know who needs a good old fashioned beating?
Uberskank.
That's who.
Good point.
Good point.
Rags I greatly enjoy your
Rags I greatly enjoy your posts. However, I think your message that children need to have discipline has been lost in the great spanking debate.
I personally don't believe in corporal punishment although I will admit that on a couple of occaisions in my child rearing career I have resorted to it with one of my kids. It wasn't a big deal and certainly no one was hurt but neither do I think it ever really helped the situation at hand either.
All that being said, I have to tell you my friend that if another adult, any other adult, laid a finger on any of my kids, I would become a deranged mad woman who would inflict as much bodily injury as possible on that person until the cops dragged me away. The only possible exception would be if I found out my kid had hit them first. That's just how it is.
I get it. I do. I have
I get it. I do. I have regretted spanking my kid. No responsible parent likes having to spank their kid. At the time I thought the spankings justified. In hind sight :? I am not so sure. I can see why I spanked when I did but in the relative scheme of things the kid turned out great and I am not sure that would have been different if we had not spanked him when we did.
But, that is in the past and we have a great relationship now. We always have had a great relationship.
Now that we are empty nester DINKS and notably older we have the benefit of being able to look back on our kid raising years.
The things that got him spanked were important to a 30-40yo dad and are much less critical to the nearly 50yo father of a viable young man.
If I could go back there are many things I would have done differently as a father. I might not spank him for the same things but .... he probably would get spanked for something different though.
i am Pro-spanking...always
i am Pro-spanking...always believed in it, always will.....
I have received only one IM
I have received only one IM re my corporal punishment comments. Unfortunately my comments dredged up painful memories for that individual and for that I am truly sorry. I appologized if my comments caused them pain.
Thanks for your comment and I absolutly agree with your perspective. My parents were strict and my DW and I were strick with our kid (my SS). Not abusive in the least but also completely intollerant of inappropriate behavior.
It worked out well for my brother and I and it seems to have worked out well for my kid.
I look forward seeing more of your perspective.
As for my participation in future discussions on discipline.... my message will not change but my delivery certainly will.
Best regards,
Different kids respond to
Different kids respond to different disciplinary methods. None are better or worse than others. There is only effective or not effective methods.
If your parents raised viable adults then they have been good parents.
Just like mine are good parents.
No one said that they grew up well because their parents spanked them. They grew up well because they had caring and involved parents who had behavioral expectations for their children and held those children accountable for complying with those expectations.