Child Custody Changes, Mutually Agreed Upon at least.........victory?
Well, tonight there have been some big changes made in my complex family. My DW and I went over to talk custody changes with BF before she filed papers in court. SD wanted to live with us, and now we were made aware that SS wants to live with BF. Fine with all of us! I am in shock that everyone is in agreement about this.
They are going to give it 4 weeks and then check in again and see how they like it. This means that now I am the only guy in the house for 85% of the month (not sure how that's going to feel but hell, I'll give it a shot).
My frustrations with watching SS15 tank in high school might be lifted some. And I'll be able to help SD10 succeed more in her schooling.
I told BF to start contributing more to the "effort to maintain peace" to which I haven't yet gotten a reply.
I don't know how I feel. At first I was excited, but this is a huge change. For 3 years I've known these kids together. It's so crappy that all of a sudden on the verge of what I thought I wanted, I am having cold feet. However, its also possible that the kids decide they don't want to live apart anymore. I don't know...time will tell. At least the "war of words" is finished and I can breathe again.
I had pepper spray in my pocket ready to blast BF if he tried something while we all talked, but I'm glad I never had to reach for it. He still called my DW a bitch twice. It was hard not to smack him across the face but I knew I couldn't start that confrontation...it would make things worse. However I did tell him that I wouldn't tolerate disrespect and that he should watch his mouth talking about her that way as to keep things civil.
Truthfully I would love to attend BF's funeral, but that's another topic. Anyone else ever feel this way with custody changes in their house? Should I feel broken hearted or victorious? This is what I wanted as of Sunday night. The sad part is that SS's grades will now completely fall apart, but I guess as I've told myself before "not my kid, not my problem" however it still sucks watching this kid ruin his future.
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Comments
It sounds like you may have
It sounds like you may have some small fraction of relief from at least some of the stress in your life with this arrangement. I understand not being sure how to feel about it though. This is probably going to be one of those times where you just need to look for the positives and see how it plays. And please don't let SS's scholastic failures weigh on your shoulders. It is beyond your control. I like the "new" version of the serintiy prayer that I keep seeing : "Lord grant me coffee for the things I can change and wine for the things I can't." SS and school is a wine thing
What's that old saying "you
What's that old saying "you can lead a dog to water but you can't make him drink it"... something like that. That's what I think your situation is, you have done what you could, but you can't force someone to do what they should/need.
As far as the cold feet, at least it's a trial period for now and if it doesn't work out it is set in stone.
I know exactly what you mean though about broken hearted vs. victorious. For me, it just became so exhausting the back and forth, court fees, watching every word you say, tension etc. At the end of DH's last court battle all I felt was anger even though it worked out for the most part in his favor. There were no feelings of victory until it was all done and over with for some time and I saw how the kids had adjusted.