Another skid weekend down...

234 to go...

We didn't get them until Sat afternoon, DH had a dentist appointment Sat morning. Poor man had a root canal, so he was not feeling good after. We get back home, and skids head straight for their room and turn on the tv (putting a tv in their room was the best decision I ever made!) , and DH lays down on the couch to rest. 10 or 15 minutes go by, I'm in the kitchen and I hear OSD yell from their room, 'DAADDDYYYYY!!!!' DH calls back, tells her to come to where he is. 'I CANT!'
Ok, so, I'm halfway between pissed off and curious, so I tell him to stay where he is, I'll check and see wtf the problem is. I walk down the hallway, thinking I damn well better see some broken bones, or at the very least someone trapped under a heavy piece of furniture. OSD is sitting on the floor between the beds, with the tv remote in her hand. I asked her what the emergency was? 'The tv won't turn back on!!!!' She had hit the input button on the remote. I fixed it for her, told her that her dad was not feeling well at all, and needed a break for a little while. Ugh.
Rest of the evening went ok, I stayed fairly uninvolved, OSD pissed me off when she insists on whispering shit to her dad when I'm sitting right next to him. I think it's rude. But whatever.
Sunday morning, I am getting ready to leave for my volunteering shift at the animal shelter, and DH is finishing cleaning the kitchen after breakfast. OSD is lingering nearby. I kiss DH goodbye, and she gets right up to us, says, 'eeew enough!', and tries to stick her arms between us and physically separate us. I just looked at her, said 'don't do that' and hugged DH close and kissed him more. I didn't realize her creepy fucking ass was still standing RIGHT THERE, and I kind of elbowed her in the face a little when I let go of him (I swear it was an accident, lol, and it was barely a tap, but it still made me laugh internally).
I went to the animal shelter, played with kittens for two hours (it is therapeutic, I love it) and came home, feeling much better. Especially since he was taking them back to BMs for mothers day. He came home, and I could tell there was something bothering him. After I had left, he talked to each skid individually. He asked them how they felt at our house, how they felt with me, etc... Younger skid is totally cool with everything, she's become quite a breeze. OSD, is still hung up on this time LAST THANKSGIVING when I made her do her homework in a different room, because she would not quit bugging her sister. She said she likes coming over, but she feels like sometimes I don't like her. Well fucking duh.
He asked me if I really want to have a child with him. I said yes, because a child we have would be raised differently from how his kids were/are being raised. His kids are raised completely 180º from how he, myself, or anyone else's kids I know. I told him that OSD's behavior in the kitchen was unacceptable. He tried to brush it off as 'they always say eew when people kiss, even on tv.' I said that's fine, I get that. However, she can just look away or leave the room. I will not have a 10 year old girl dictating my behavior in my own home. He got that, even if he didn't want to. I brought up the issue of her screaming for him from her bed all the time, and he said that BM caters to that shit in home, it's hard for kids to behave differently in different places, blah blah. I brought up how kids behave differently at school vs home, different rules, different expectations. They are fully capable, as long as the rules are clearly laid out.
Oh, and I also had to listen to her whine Sunday morning not only to DH, but to BM on the phone, about how she couldn't sleep the night before, because it was too hot (she says as she is walking around with a blanket wrapped around her. Maybe take off one of your THREE comforters and you won't be so hot) and no one was awake to get her a glass of water at 2am. I told her if she is really so thirsty and she doesn't want to get a glass from the kitchen, just get a drink from the faucet. She looked at me as though I had suggested she drink from the toilet. I can only imagine if I ever suggest she drink from a hose, lol. Little fucking princess, I'm so done with her. Time to really up the disengagement. I need to go to the gym more anyway.

Holy crap that was long, my apologies and thanks to anyone who reads all that.

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Mine are almost the same ages

Mine are almost the same ages as yours. They are both just days/weeks away from being 9 and 10. OSD is definitely on the road to being mini wife.

As for the disengagement, DH understands it. I told him they are his responsibility, and unless it directly effects me, I am going to stay out of it, or at most, say something to him, I will not be addressing them about any issues. I told him the reason their shit behavior pisses me off is because it is so disrespectful to him. That I do not want to see anyone, his kids or otherwise, treat him so poorly. He does understand it, and he does 'ok' with trying to keep most of it in check, but so often he just caves so easily, or will just try to excuse it as 'just kids'. He really is beginning to see how OSD is a pain in the ass, and he is really beginning to see just how BORING his kids are. They have no hobbies, no interests, beyond Barbie and Disney channel. YSD is pretty interested in my garden, so I try to encourage her with that a bit. She will also sit and watch cheesey horror movies with us, so that's a plus as well.

I'm sorry to hear that. I

I'm sorry to hear that. I got lucky, DH acknowledges that they are his responsibility, he said he just wants us to be respectful, like friends. He has never thrown the 'you should love my kids!' line at me, thankfully.

Ugh, that's a pretty

Ugh, that's a pretty depressing first sentence.

You're lucky, my skid weekend is coming up!

It is, but at least I can

It is, but at least I can start slowly ticking them off one at a time...

I'm stoked, we had them this weekend, not even the full time, and they're with BM next weekend. Weekend after that, which would normally be with us, we are going to be out of town for MY birthday! Happy birthday to me! I had to spend it with them last year, super lame. Weekend after that, they're with BM again! I know DH is bummed, but I don't have to see them again for almost a month. He is going to get them for a few hours this coming weekend, and probably a few hours the weekend after we come back, but I will not be attending those outings, so yay for me!

Not fair!..and stop bragging!

BTW, I really need to know how I can get away for a few hours and play with kittens...that sounds like a life-saver.

Check out your local humane

Check out your local humane society or SPCA or whatever you have in your area. Technically what I am doing is 'cat socialization and adoption assistance'. But really, I'm just playing with like 25 kittens. It's so freaking amazing, lol. If I didn't already have my Old Lady Cat at home, who would not tolerate the addition of another cat, I would have brought home like 10 kittens by now.

Aww, I'm glad you adopted!

Aww, I'm glad you adopted! Congratulations! Kittens are such little goofballs, they run into stuff, fall off of things, get into every damn thing... But they're so freaking cute.

Oh yeah, kittens are

Oh yeah, kittens are hilarious, and they will grab your heart and run with it!

I had a male cat who was a bit of an idiot too, (typical male ), but he was the sweetest, most loving and funny thing ever!

OMG, that is soooo true!

OMG, that is soooo true! Every single orange tabby I have ever known has been spunky, goofy and affectionate...either a strange coincidence or there really is something to it, like they have more of a certain kind of gene that makes them orange and have these kinds of attributes as well.

So funny you mention that,

So funny you mention that, there was a little orange one yesterday, and he was a total maniac! And as soon as you picked him up, he would start purring so loudly and just snuggle. So tempting to tuck him in my purse and take him home... }:)

Oh yes, I could call a couple

Oh yes, I could call a couple of those orangies maniacs! They're very purrrrry too...it's just so funny.

^^Totally agree. My boss has

^^Totally agree.

My boss has two orange tabbies, Fred and Barney, that she got at the Humane Society, and they are such good cats.

So, thanks for your volunteerism!

(No subject)

That's what I'm afraid of,

That's what I'm afraid of, that I would be so tempted to bring one home and it's not feasible right now.

Did you have to graduate from cleaning cages and litter boxes to kitty socialization, or do you do both?

I do both. There was a

I do both. There was a training class one Saturday morning for the socialization, I think it was about two hours. You aren't required to do one before the other, at least not at the shelter I go to. I am taking a class in June so that I can go and walk the dogs any time I want too.

Thanks for the info.

yes, ck out your local animal

yes, ck out your local animal shelter. they usually need volunteers who are reliable. i refer a lot of people there, and they usually gush about it

I will definitely do this if

I will definitely do this if I think I could handle seeing all the kitties that need homes without it making me too sad.

I'm a bit allergic, but I think I could cope with a few hours.

It's hard, I was quite

It's hard, I was quite concerned about that in the beginning too. But when you get to see them go home with someone, it's a really good feeling. I got to send three to their new homes yesterday.

Awwweee, that's so awesome.

Just a little advice. You

Just a little advice.

You do really need to disengage more. What does it matter if she calls DH to her room? He can go or not. He is a grown man. To disengage, you need to stay out of stuff like that.

I think at her age, the kissing thing is normal. She will grow out of it.

What did DH say to her when she was whining about the heat and the water? He should have set her straight right then and there.

And you want to have a baby with this man? I hope you know that this situation will not get better and you could also end up with full custody of the skids. Think ling and hard about that. It does and has happened to many times to count.

EDIT to add...I do know exactly how you feel that is why I say to disengage more. It saved my sanity.

"You do really need to

"You do really need to disengage more. What does it matter if she calls DH to her room? He can go or not. He is a grown man. To disengage, you need to stay out of stuff like that. "

In that instance, I was helping my husband that I love, who had just come home from a root canal and was trying to rest. Normally I would have just let him deal with it.

"I think at her age, the kissing thing is normal. She will grow out of it."
I get that she can say eeww or whatever, that's fine. But trying to physically separate me from my husband? Not gonna fly.

"What did DH say to her when she was whining about the heat and the water? He should have set her straight right then and there. "
Pretty much the same thing I said. He handled that one pretty well.

"And you want to have a baby with this man? I hope you know that this situation will not get better and you could also end up with full custody of the skids. Think ling and hard about that. It does and has happened to many times to count."
BM will not give them up unless she gets deported, they are her paycheck and her living dolls. Even then she might try to take them with her to country. I am well aware that it is a possibility that custody might change down the line, it was discussed two years ago, but BM fought him tooth and nail, so he dropped it.

I think yesterday was the

I think yesterday was the first time I've set foot in their room with them in it in over 6 months. I felt compelled to assist my husband after he'd had a drill in his mouth for an hour. And I only talk about them when he brings it up, it's not like I constantly bitch about them.
As for having a kid with him? If it doesn't happen, I would be completely fine with that as well. I could also be quite happy being childless with him and spending our time travelling and enjoying life, so no major concern there either. But if we do have a kid, (and only one) that would be good too.

I think everyone has drawn a

I think everyone has drawn a lot of conclusions out of what I wrote that just aren't true. Yes, OSD is a whiney, spoiled, entitled pain in the ass. Most of the time he puts her in her place, but there are a few of her behaviors that he doesn't correct, they usually have to do with her attention seeking or lazy bs. As far as disengagement, I'm barely there, I was there this weekend because I drove him home from his appointment, and we picked them up on our way, so I didn't make my usual Saturday outings. The shit behavior comes from BM, even when they were married, he had to work so much to support her shopping addiction that he was barely around. She raised them to be this way, and I don't think he is capable of changing a lifetime (to them) of those teachings with 96 hours a month. I think since he got divorced, he has had to parent them more than he ever did before. I was venting, I don't recall asking for advice, I was just venting. Maybe I was mislead by the banner at the top of the page that says {where stepparents come to vent}, but I certainly was not looking for people to suggest that I need to reconsider my marriage and that I probably shouldn't have a child with him. YSD is actually quite pleasant, she responds to him and I very well. She is a lot like him, while OSD is a carbon copy of her mother.

BM will not give them up

BM will not give them up unless she gets deported, they are her paycheck and her living dolls.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Oh man. I used to think the same thing. SS was BM's BFF in the world. Her world revolved around SS. SS's world revolved around BM. But I still knew there was a chance it could happen so I did not live with or marry my DH for 7ish years. SS was about 14ish and he and BM had moved away so I thought I was safe.

DH and I married and within 6 month, BM showed up with SS on our doorstep so he could live with us. She even gave back the CS that was garnished from DH's wages and PAID CS on top of that. It was crazy. So yes..it can happen. It happens more that you would think these days.

And god forbid...something terrible could also happen to BM. And you would have skids full time. Just be aware.

"BM caters to that shit in

"BM caters to that shit in home, it's hard for kids to behave differently in different places, blah blah. I brought up how kids behave differently at school vs home, different rules, different expectations. They are fully capable, as long as the rules are clearly laid out."

Wow, isn't this the excuse so often used. I said these exact words to my FDH about SD10.

ETA: I also added that they have different rules at church, the library, the pool, etc........