CAN OH PREVENT MY BD COMING HOME TO WAIT FOR SD?
I have another issue that came up last night, that Ive not addressed yet.....I think Ive not addressed it because I think Ive already started my plan of action anyway.....OH is so determined that my BD7 and SD7 meet the new baby at exactly the same time...and I mean EXACT!
Last night, OH was chatting to MIL and the conversation went to SD7....SD7 was questioning on "what day will baby was to be born on!?", now being 7 she doesnt understand, neither does my daughter, what will actually happen, so I think SD7 has this impression that I go to hospital whilst she waits at mine, and then im home with my son in a an hour! But rather than explaining this to her, nobody did.....instead they encouraged (both OH and MIL) her....so SD7 asks, as she is with us tea every Tuesday, and she wants to be around for it all.....now all of this, I understand......
So OH tells MIL its 10th which is a Tuesday, to which I say to OH (whilst he is still on the phone) "actually he is due on the 11th, which is Wednesday"....so he plays it down a little, MIL asks if I went over with BD7, OH says yes a week and that I had a sweep, so MIL and OH are excited that SD7 could be with us....
When OH comes off the phone I tell him that baby is due on a Wednesday, and that any treatment I have ie sweep, being induced etc will also be on a Wednesday same as all of my antenatal classes have been....he said its just cos SD7 wants to be here, maybe feels she isnt involved or wants to be involved more.....again I understand all of this......
OH then tells me that he wants my BD and SD to meet new baby at the same time, not one before the other. Now, my mom is having my BD when labour starts, I have no idea where SD7 will be, or how long it will take for SD7 to get to mine when I get home with baby.....but OH is expecting me to come home with my baby....and NOT ALLOW MY DAUGHTER TO COME HOME.....until SD is either at my home or on her way!!!
Whilst I understand that he wants his daughter involved, surely he cannot stop my daughter coming home to me for the sake of his child who doesnt even live with us!!?? What am I supposed to do if I go into labour during the night? Tell my mom she cant stop at mine now, and she is to come and wake my BD up and move her from the house? Or call my mom the day im due home and tell her to remove my daughter from her own home as im on my way!?.... I KNOW what my mom will say!!!
Im not sure how to approach this one, or even if I should. I have sort have decided to play it by ear until I the labour and work it out from there. Im determined that I WILL NOT prevent my daughter coming home to me and and certainly not being told when I can have my child home for the sake of OH and his daughter!
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I have no idea! Im just glad
I have no idea! Im just glad its not just me that thinks its totally unreasonable!!
He not afraid of BM or how
He not afraid of BM or how she will react, we dont care! lol
I agree though that things cant be altered just to suit SD7....things have to be planned to allow change yes, but not change regarding SD! I just find it stupid for him to even think I could do that to my own child! Can you imagine how my BD would feel? Her Step Dad stopping her from seeing her mom and coming home!?
Shoe on the other foot. You
Shoe on the other foot. You don't expect him to do that to your child, but you are expecting him to do it to his.
I don't think this is a hill to die on. It will only be a matter of a few days difference. Your new baby is going to be a half sibling to both of your children. Even though it is impossible for us to feel the same about someone else's child as we do our own, they should be treated the same. At least outwardly.
I don't believe the man wants
I don't believe the man wants to keep her daughter out of the house. I think he wants his kid included in the home coming, just like she does.
She'll know when she's getting out of the hospital. I'm sure that he'll make sure his kid will be there so that they all can be a part of this new family addition.
Hi There, Ive not said that
Hi There,
Ive not said that SD should not be involved...if anything I agree with the fact OH wants SD involved as much as he does....HOWEVER.....what I dont agree with is my BD being told when she can come HOME on account of waiting for SD....that is what I dont agree with at all. OH wouldnt like it if I said SD couldnt come into the /house until BD came home, so I dont see how he can go worse and refuse my daughter coming back to the house BD lives in 24/7 for the sake od SD who dioes not live with us at all
Babies come when they get
Babies come when they get good and ready. My first one was a week late and put me through 24hrs of labor. My second one was a week early and first pain to delivery was a mere 4hrs. She beat the dr to the delivery room, the nurses even (no one was listening to the pregnant lady who was telling them kiddo was NOW, lol)
Anyway...but happy SD is excited and happy over a new sibling. If you're giving birth in a hospital/birthing center situation, neither one of the girls (I assume) will be present unless you're planning a 'family' birth style. A suggestion might be for your Mom to bring your daughter to the hospital and OH's Mom to bring SD. The ladies can wait until you're ready and then schedule a time for the grandma's to met at same time and bring the girls. Both girls get a few minute 'peek' at baby, OH's happy, and off both girls go again until your home.
After that, you certainly can't ban the DD who lives with you from coming home. Unless your mother is taking and keeping her a few days, daughter will naturally be home. It's up to you as to when SD next comes to the home as visits baby and it will have to be under the conditions that OH is there to tend to SD. No new mother right after giving birth needs two 7yr olds on top of her new baby...you're still recovering from birth. Again, perhaps MIL can arrange to pick up SD and bring her over for an hour after you're totally settled back home and ready for it.
You just have to explain carefully to OH that, yes, you want both girls to feel included but he must be realistic about how and when babies are born and that other children just can't 'poof' to accommodate a another child's desires.
Men can be such idiots at times. I'm actually surprised his mother is encouraging him to be unrealistic about all this. MIL should know better.
Hey there, No, kids wont be
Hey there,
No, kids wont be with me at birthing centre, and only "mothers own children" are allowed to visit which rules out SD, and in honesty, after labour Id rather not, including my bio! lol
They are both allowed on the ward though, so I have considered your suggestion, this way SD7 sees baby but I can also happily go home to rest and so can my daughter...I might suggest this out loud actually....Ill think on it.....
Wait, your birthing center
Wait, your birthing center really has a rule in place that only the mom's bio kids are allowed to visit??? :jawdrop:
EDITED. Just reread your post. I assume mom's kids can be in the delivery room, but all kids are able to visit after the birth.
Hi There, Yes thats
Hi There,
Yes thats right...the actual birthing part/labour sweet only my daughter is allowed, but on the ward its different
lol....I did wonder about
lol....I did wonder about that myself!!
Okay, your DH is insane.
Okay, your DH is insane. There is no way that you should arrange anything just so they can meet the baby at the same time. If anything, it makes more sense for it not to be at the same time as not to stress the baby. At 7 years old, you are probably only talking about looking at the baby, not holding.
Your feelings are the ones that matter most in this. You are the one who is going to just have had a baby. It should be whatever you are comfortable with.
This is just another example of daddy putting SD as the center of the universe and only thinking of her needs.
Hi All, To be honest, Im
Hi All,
To be honest, Im kinda hoping it will change anyway...he has never experienced a normal labour, his other 3 kids are C-Sections...so he doesnt actually know how much hard work they actually are. I spoke to him before about a "full house" when I come home, as in I dont want a full house and he understood that...but was insistant about his daughter! Like I said, I get what he means, but it shouldnt be at the expense of my daughter. Ive commented above that what about how my BD would feel, if she keeps asking to come home but is being told she cant cos SD isnt there or close yet!? How about how she will feel!? OH hasnt even considered my BD at all.....
This is so stupid on so many
This is so stupid on so many levels and pretty much guaranteed not to work. My expectations of how my delivery of BS4 would go could not have been farther from how it really all went down. I ended up having an unplanned C-Section 52 hours after my water broke because neither BS4 nor I were cooperating as far as labor was going (basically labor was nonexistent) then due to C-Section I was in the hospital an additional 4 days. Again, not even remotely close to how I thought and planned for things to go.
Trying to plan something like this out is most definitely only going to lead to frustration. Please, try not to worry yourself with this stupid crap. I am so annoyed with your MIL and DH for making the birth of this baby all about SD and making YOU be concerned with this crap. Why for the love of all man kind can't people just let the birth of a baby be about mom, dad, and baby?
Just let your mom bring BD7 when she brings her. Ignore your DH, and this asinine plan. I mean, what is he going to do, cancel Christmas because BD7 met new baby 5.2 minutes before SD7 did? OR to be honest, it may just be that SD7 meets the new baby 5.2 minutes before BD7 does! Will it really be the end of the world? Will it scar them for life? MY land!
I got super lucky, because it was flu/cold season when BS4 was born, so no children under the age of 16 were allowed at the hospital and then we ended up coming home on New Year's Eve.. so obviously skids were with their mothers, so we had a nice, quite night, just the 3 of us. I would have lost my frigging mind if I had to come home to a full house or deal with all this hospital visitation crapola.
I know, right. If guys were
I know, right.
If guys were the ones having to go through labor and popping the baby out, IDK they'd be as dense about all this as they are. I had four births. Three totally natural (no meds) and one C-section. The last thing on my mind was whose and which kids were meeting baby and when. In fact I let none of the kids in the room with me (especially not delivery, but even after). SS and my three (one my son, two both DH and mine) paraded around outside the nursery window and coo'd-and ahhh'd when ever and however often they desired, but I let no one but DH and my mother in my room. My hospital stays were short. Three about 24hrs, the C-section was 30hrs.
So, if your mom brings your
So, if your mom brings your BD home and SD is not there, he will not let her in?
He is being ridiculous. If it works out that the two girls meet the baby at the same time, great, if not, so what? SO WHAT!
He sounds like a child and I would be pissed that he is stressing me out over this.
Either do what twoviewpoints suggested, have someone bring each girl to the hospital to see the baby or just stop discussing it with him and when the time comes, call your mom to bring BD home when YOU want and he can just deal with it. Princess will be fine.
What Ripley said. And I
What Ripley said.
And I would also add to him that you are disappointed that he would put your DD out like that. And that life for steps will NEVER be the same. Usually the one that does not live there is WAY overcompensated and the one that lives there gets crapped on and you do not want that for your DD or SD.
When our new bub was it was
When our new bub was it was an elective csection so we organised for all the kids to be together.
I pushed and pushed and pushed my entire pregnancy and bubs birth to be this wonderful blended family affair and I dont know why I bothered.
Only my bio kids give a crap about their baby brother. SD8 has zero interest or tolerance. Doesnt want to hold/play/interact with him at all and DH suffers from daddy guilt so his interaction with his son is "maybe" 5 minutes a day.