UPDATE; OH trying to refuse BD7 coming home to suit SD7
So, this saga got a little deeper, and I think it gave OH something to think about too....
During the Saturday discussion re the bedrooms, the coming home part came up as well as SD7s emotions.
Again, I have to give MIL credit, she has actually made some fantastic points that have started a thought process with OH. Whilst discussing SD7s concerns, MIL said that a new baby wasnt easy for either SD7 OR BD7, as in theory both the kids have been on their own for 7 years and now they wont be, she also said that in some aspects its harder for BD7 as she has to share her home and her mom for the first time, whereas SD7 has shared to a point as she has elder siblings....
I suggested explaining to both the girls that baby will come when he is ready, and they may or may not be with me when this happens. I have also explained that I will probably have to stay in hospital overnight. This really upset my BD7, and OH was witness to this.
OH then explained that he would bring me and their brother home from the hospital, and ensure that we were settled ok (half hour tops) and he would then collect BOTH girls at the same time and bring them back, subject to BD7 being at my moms and SD7 at BMs....they were both ok with this.
Obviously, labour can occur at any time so we have given them both this to settle down any fears....OH was told that if labour occurs during the night, my mom will come to mine and BD7 and my mom will stay there, so SD7 will have to be collected asap......he has conceded that the odd few minutes wont make much of a difference and that SD7 needs to understand that BD7 will be coming/staying HOME. He has also conceded that it cant be planned, because baby will arrive whenever he chooses to, and that we will ALL have to make adaptions based on this and nothing can be guaranteed.
It seems that things are flowing ok, and its understood that I am under no circumstances trying to keep SD7 away from all of this, and that within reason (ie not some stupid ass suggestions!) that SD7 should always be involved, but that life cannot revolve around SD7 either.
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I think its because he knows
I think its because he knows it wont be perfectly 100% fair that he tries so hard to make it 100% perfectly fair....
Lol...to be honest in some
Lol...to be honest in some aspects, he already is...
Thing is OH seems to have
Thing is OH seems to have this mentality that SD7 is in such a sorry position of misery with a terrible BM....SD7 is a really happy little girl on the whole! She is doing well at school considering and adores her BM so she isnt in any sort of sorry position who is being mis treated etc. Yes BM is cr*p at parenting, yes she manipulates her own kids including SD7 to feel sorry for her or do her bidding, yes she lied so so much to the kids about OH and me...but BM calmed down, SD7 is fed, cleaned, etc etc....BM isnt overly motherly, and I cant say I agree with many things she says or does, but thats her, nothing you can do. I have been the one who has taught SD7 hygiene and how to clean herself, shower bathe etc....her mom didnt...thats kinda how BM is....so in a nutshell, OH and MIL feel sorry for SD7 and feel they need to overcompensate, when there is really no need.....SD7 is quite content in life, and has normal reactions to situations. She is reassured and then she skips along with life as normal......but because they overcompensate, she has become expectant, and manipulative with OH, MIL and me, and that is why I initially stepped back....
I agree tommar24365, and this is why he is overcompensating again. He is sadly a guilty dad, even though he has no reason to feel or be a guilty dad. Ive stepped back now, and I talk to him when he asks and then I let him get on with the parenting side.
OH didnt tell SD7 about the bedroom change or bunk beds, again cos of his "guilt" and the "poor SD7" syndrome.....yet when my BD7 excitedly told her, SD7 was perfectly fine....excited too.....they are both looking forward to helping with the nursery!! He needs to stop treading on eggshells with a 7 year old and needs to start being a dad...
I think this convo went good
I think this convo went good and I would just put it behind yal now. Sometimes it's hard for men to see that if their kids aren't living there they miss out on some things and that it isn't on purpose. I think u let him know it wasn't intentional