Therapist is going to tell DH that he has to do some serious work!
I am back in therapy because of my bitterness and resentment towards SD15 and SS12. They have become the laziest, most entitled children ever. I thought that since their BM is out of the picture and they are in a stable household, things would improve. WRONG. I just had my first child 8 months ago and I can't even trust my SD15 to spend more than five minutes alone with her. Last time I did that, she wiped her face with a toy and surface wipe (Similar to when she wiped down my Yorkie with a Clorox wipe). She spent the entire summer hanging out at the park every day with her boyfriend and lo and behold when she gets back to school, I get a call from the school nurse stating she has a UTI. DH seemed to be surprised that when you let a 15 year old girl have complete access to her 16 year old boyfriend, they will have sex. She has been repeatedly dishonest, taking naked pictures of herself and sending it to the boy, and just other nonsense. SS12 is the rudest being I have ever come across in my life. Just this Easter, when my father talked to him, he refused to look at him, refused to acknowledge he was speaking to him and looked at DH and DH said nothing. Not to mention, the level of laziness is unlike anything I've ever imagined and DH refuses to be consistent in any kind of discipline or parenting. They constantly test him to see when he will give up on whatever punishment or rule he has issued.
So I've gone back to our family therapist and DH has been going to separate sessions as well. I learned at my last session on Tuesday that DH wants me to have a better relationship with the skids. I think DH thinks this is my problem I have to solve. Little does he know that the therapist has real issues with his lack of parenting and discipline and is going to tell him tonight that the only way for the relationship to improve is if he starts doing his job. I was so relieved that finally someone understands!! A professional at that!
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Geesh men! When will they
Geesh men! When will they ever understand that if they complete the path to their circular reference, it almost always comes back to THEM!
So your DH wants you to have a better relationship with skids, you don't really like skids at all because they act like fools, skids act like fools because their FATHER doesn't require anything of them.
If your DH wants you to have a better relationship with skids, then HE needs to be a better PARENT to skids.
Exactly. And this is what
Exactly. And this is what our therapist is going to tell him tonight. I think he thinks I am just exaggerating with some of the stuff and it shouldn't bother me.
^^^ THIS.
^^^
THIS.
That's a good question. I
That's a good question. I wonder what that means to him? It's not like he is all in love with them either, so he can't expect me to be.
Our therapist said that my DH
Our therapist said that my DH brought up a woman he used to date who had kids and he said that he didn't interact with them at all the way I do with his children. So I suspect he wants me to be all lovey-dovey with them. It's been 8 years. NOT HAPPENING.
You're going to have to post
You're going to have to post that therapist's name and phone number here. Those of us who are too far from the famous Jeanette will flock to yours. Awesome.
You wrote a blog about my
You wrote a blog about my life!! I have SD19 in college and SD13 who wants to be a boy now. I go to my first therapy session with a therapist that SD13 and DH (and SD19) have already seen. The therapist wanted me to come along. I'm afraid I'll be thrown under the bus. I start with my own therapist in a few weeks.
DH wants me to try harder with the SDs but I go through the same crap you do. SD19 has a horrible entitled attitude and then cries to DH. SD13 is a space cadet who doesn't understand the importance of showers, can't be responsible and then gets hurt when I'm firm with her. I just checked a pizza box in the fridge. It was empty. SD13 took the last piece of pizza and left the box in the fridge. She took the last clementine and left the box on the counter, she took the last juice box and left the wrap in the fridge.....it goes on and on.
I feel like a maid, and then SD13 asks DH why I hate her? I don't hate her. It's just that DH has never set firm boundaries and expectations for these skids, so they are a couple of overly-sensitive buffoons.
I swear, if the skid's therapist starts preaching to me about SD13 being a boy, I'm going to ask her how she got over BM's death in three sessions? The skid clearly has problems. Why are DHs so frikkin scared to parent? They go into a damn zone and don't do shit!
~ Moon
Just going to comment on 1
Just going to comment on 1 thing that caught my eye...your SD15 taking naked pics of herself and sending them to her boyfriend. Not only is this just not cool, it is illegal. When a minor takes a naked selfie and sends it electronically to someone else it is considered distribution of child pornography, she can be arrested and prosecuted for it. The police will confiscate her phone/tablet/laptop, no one will ever get the device back, it will go to the FBI to be destroyed and her name will forever be in the FBI database with whatever pictures they take from the device she used to send the pictures. I know its all "IF" she gets caught but it is much easier for these kids to get caught then we think. Trust me I speak from experience.
One thing that caught my
One thing that caught my attention was the SS ignoring your father. My skids also acted like that to my father. He passed away after a lengthly painful illness and NOT ONE phone call, card or acknowledge that he even died. They had known him for 13 years. And I'm supposed to care each time one of them have another welfare kid-yannu know another welfare kid is awesome and amazing.
That DID IT FOR ME. That hurt me so bad and my husband and didn't say a word. So now, its just like I feel off the face of the earth. NO nothing for skids or stepgrandkids from me. No presents for holidays, no money no acknowledgement of any kind. If I see a message on the phone I delete it. I don't attend any holidays and they are not welcome in my home. I refuse to even to discuss them with my husband. I don't want to know anything about any of them.
And I love it.
Free advice for our DH's of
Free advice for our DH's of the Stepworld - DON'T SAY "I want you, STEPPARENT, to have a better relationship with my kids because they're my kids and you should love them" SAY "KIDS, I want you to have a better relationship with your Stepparent. Because I love them. And it is important to me." the end. Oh those crazy DH's. Not for the fainthearted are they?
Bah. Just Bah.