I don't know. We've discussed it vaguely with skids, not exact amounts but, "I pay your mom a lot of money" etc. with the older kids we've given exact figures.

The thing is it doesn't matter. They go back to BM and she tells them she uses that money for their food, and car, and house (partly true) and that she's just SO POOR. But daddy has money....

And back they come looking for money. Don't think skids and BMs will let little things like facts stand in the way of their worldview.

If you want to start a title for tat war with mom, go for it.

That will open the door for her to explain what visitations are supposed to be for. If those kids are spending any time with just you during dad's scheduled time, mom could have a field day with this.

I guess the motive plays a role. SD once said something about bm paying for something so she didn't have money but we do. Dh very diplomatically explained to her that it's easier for two people who can't get along when one person gives a lump sum every month to cover half the costs of things than to try and split every single expense. SD never said another word about us having more.

DH paid $60K in child support for just one of his Sons in the ten year period we totaled it up. This figure does not include Medical, Dental, Vision, entertainment, clothing, etc. But if you asked her he's a piece of shit who didn't pay enough. I know this exact figure because BM recently asked him for a letter to give to the food stamp people or the governemental teat she wants to suckle to help her get her benefits. Meanwhile, SS has been with us almost a year and she's sent ZERO.

Funny story, BM came over to see her kids and brought them each a $1 bottle of body soap. She said 4 times during her time here that she got it since she can't pay money and once said because it's her job to make sure they have things like that. hahaha.

If I were in a different situation, I would have more input.

I'm a BM and a SM. We do not talk about child support to the kids.
HOWEVER, my ex tells them, so I'm the BM in this case, he tells how much, how often ect.
They have said "dad doesn't think he should have to pay 1/2 the expenses for ______ because he pays child support"
Truth is, in my state WE BOTH pay child support. I pay my ex also, technically.
We have 50/50.
He pays me 25% and I pay him 25%, the difference between the two goes to the lesser income parent, minus health insurance.
In my state child support is NOT for food, shelter shoes ect. It's to even our both households income so the children have the same lifestyle at both homes.
But that's my state.
And I've never asked my ex for money or said "I can't afford that" when it comes to providing for my kids.

I can't remember the context. I suspect it had something to do with "mom's clothes," at which point we told the kids that DH pays money to their mom to support them at her house. The looks on their faces were priceless. Utter shock that Dad wasn't the deadbeat Mom made him out to be.

I don't feel skids need to know the ins and out of the CO and/or CS.

That being said, you can have a frank discussion of money, expenses and needs vs. wants with all of the kids. As a family.

My mother used to sit all of us kids at the table once a month. She started with X dollars and we played a game of "paying the bills". What was left was divided into necessities (gas, food, etc.) and luxuries (whatever they were to us at the time).

She was trying to teach us how to budget and it worked. Well...for me and my brother. Two of my sisters are wild spenders and the other one is a miser.

Bottom line......it's not your CS issue and you're only dealing with the fallout of the BM behaving like a twat. Ignore the comments. What I used to tell skid when (HA! Like it happened a lot)she wanted something right away was "In the family, we budget for expenses. Which is why I always tell you to let your Dad know so we can budget for it." End of story.

I don't get tangled up in the CS talk. DH has to pay it, it's not a choice no matter who says what or how it's used. He is not sure how it's used but he does his part and pays it regardless. If it's misappropriated, that's on BM. I'm sure if it came up, he'd explain it.

My 5 cents worth is stay out of the money talk until it's absolutely necessary. This would be if the child is led to believe the NCP does not provide support or too little support. If the child has no value of money and attempts to get more than the parents can reasonably afford. If there is always the more asks happening. If CP get's in to the whole I can't afford xyz go ask NCP as they work and I don't.

We try very hard not to talk money as it were. It did however come up this weekend and it was dealt with in simple child appropriate levels. This was in response to why my SO is not Chucky's real daddy. It started with SF pays for everything and this dad does nothing. "This Daddy gives mommy money every month for your school, food and clothes" Chucky "You don't, mommy pays everything with her credit cards." Response "Daddy puts the money in to mommy's credit cards." And that is where it was ended.

My BS17 just recently found out his BD has not paid his CS in years. I never told him as I didn't feel that it was his issue to worry about. Needless to say, Courts FINALLY went after BD and he had to pay a few lump sums (equalling 1/10th of the total owed). XH actually had the balls to ask me to give him the money back. When I refused he went on a tirade about me while my BS was there on visitation. AND of course he lied and said he would be homeless because he can't pay his rent anymore and he was going to shut BS's cell phone off. My BS came home furious with ME!! I also got a 12 page text from XH calling me every nasty name and spewing every insult imaginable. I never responded. I al livid with my XH for telling our BS these things. It tooks weeks for my son to get over this and I will never fogive my XH for the upset he caused BS.
I guess every situation is different but you should tread lightly...depends on the kids ages and the situation but I never talked to BS about it. Maybe if I had he wouldn't have been so upset but I still stand by my decision to keep in between adults.

I would not bring it up unless BM's actions made it necessary.

As a BM, I never once told my DS that his dad didn't pay any support for the first 10 years of his life or any time he was late or anything - even now that my DS is almost 25. He does now know that his dad is still "catching up" on the CS he owed. He also knows that I use that money to give him extras and for things like us going out for lunch once in a while.

But, I think the best way to do it (and the best approach for it) is to have a bigger view/discussion of money. How long a person has to work to earn $$ amount and then what it costs each month for x, y and z. Including CS with a age-appropriate explanation as to what Child Support is.