BM passed away on mothers day
So Friday night was absolutely awful for DH and I - we told SS16 and SD15 that the doc was done giving their mom chemo, the cancer was in her brain, spine, bones...all the doc could do now was to make her comfortable, she had one or two months to live...it was so sad and DH held SS and I held SD and we just comforted them...so awful.
Then BM dies on mothers day. We got the call about 330am Sunday that she took a bad turn and was doing worse and we needed to get the kids there (we live 90 mins from their home state and where BM is) so we are all rushing around at 4 in the morning we get another call that she died. IT WAS HORRIBLE. My poor SD was sobbing her little heart out. I just held her and rocked her. I cannot believe this happened mothers day. Now for the rest of their lives they will always associate those events.
Their great grandfather died last week and we have his funeral tomorrow and because the BMGM (maternal grandma) is such a nutbag evil witch, she made the funeral home calling hours tomorrow night and the memorial Wednesday. Who has calling hours anymore?? That's her way of all the people coming and feeling bad for her...well she isn't going to be the center of attention now b/c my skids will be there as they should be. So now my skids have a full day of funeral stuff for Grandpa tomorrow, and then their moms services tomorrow night and Wednesday. Its so much for them to handle! ugh!!
My husband had to take the kids to the funeral home today just to get them their chance to have a voice and be part of this. They have been totally shut out by BMGM. It makes me sick. She is trailer trash and has made a mockery of their mothers death.
Also, everyone is in counseling....a lot of you had suggested that in my last post and just wanted to let you know each kid is in therapy and DH and I go to counseling too...trying to keep everyone's head straight through this...
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I am so sorry. Sincere
I am so sorry. Sincere condolences to your family.
If it works better for the kids (being BMGM is giving a hard time), Dad might ask the funeral home about a private viewing Wednesday morning for the kids. Lots do a 'family' viewing pre-public visitation. An understanding funeral director will likely have no issue in letting Dad, you and kids in privately. It is their mother.
I don't know if I would take
I don't know if I would take them to the funeral home and expose them to grandma - I think they have a lot on their plate with mom's death.
Grandma wants to be the center of attention at her father's funeral? Let her.
I am sorry for your skids - and for you and your husband.
How heartbreaking for all of you.
how tragic. hugs to your
how tragic. hugs to your whole family and my sincerest condolences to the kids. you are doing everything just right, it's just a terrible time all around. i'm sorry.
I would completely skip
I would completely skip tomorrow's event and just escort the kids to the funeral on Wednesday.
Kudos for your DH trying to give the kids a voice in the arrangements. My dad died when I was 12, and my mother was very good about letting us kids pick out the flowers, casket, program, etc. It helped tremendously to be included in the decisions.
What an awful time for
What an awful time for everyone involved, so sorry for all of you.
Oh we can't pack up any of
Oh we can't pack up any of the kids things...they cannot get into their house and have not been able to for weeks. Grandmother changed the locks and didn't give them keys.
We have to call her and ask her to let them in when they need to get stuff and the call went unanswered today to her. We wanted them to get photos for their mother service.
Yes, the funeral home will allow them private time with their mom if they want beforehand. SS said no, SD is still thinking about it.
no, she has her own house and
no, she has her own house and we think there is no will, which is good for kids. In PA everything goes to them automatically. The money that was also raised in fundraisers for their mom will go in a trust for them.
Miz, you got that right!! Had
Miz, you got that right!! Had she not acted like this we would have certainly made sure the kids had a relationship with her. Now we will leave it up to them and based on her behavior I'm guessing she will die alone and her body will rot until he dogs start eating her flesh...that is exactly what she deserves.
What a wicked old lady. Even
What a wicked old lady.
Even if a will giving personal property to BMGM, the children's personal items are not considered BM's. If estate is going into probate, house and inside possessions will/can be locked tight for usually six months or longer. During this period the children can have lawyer request their personal non-estate items . Lawyer can also petition for items not necessarily individually theirs (such as photos and/or the opportunity to make copies). Items of no cash value can be treated differently. Talk to a good lawyer who handles estate/intestate cases. Take BMGM's 'word' for nothing.
I am so sorry. What a huge
I am so sorry. What a huge load to have to deal with all at once.
What a mess. I agree, your
What a mess.
I agree, your DH needs to hire an attorney on behalf on the kids right away! Hopefully, the locks on BM's house can be changed and an RO issued ASAP.
Death brings out the absolute worst in people. At the time of my father's death, my parents had only been divorced for six months. My mom was canny enough to realize that his home was vulnerable, but before she got the locks changed "friends" had gained access and removed some valuables. My mom really had to work overtime to protect the interests of us kids. I wish you and your DH all the best as you sort this out.
Absolutely need to hire a
Absolutely need to hire a lawyer ASAP. Before she's buried, even. Call today if you haven't already. That old woman is going to try screwing her own grandchildren, you can bet on it, based on her not even letting them into their home! So their mother's house is THEIRS now, I'd even get a RO to keep Granny away.