Took some time off from ST to focus on myself and my anxiety. Lots of hard work done and feel like I’m on the right track. More work to go but feeling better.

Not much going on in step life. I haven’t seen Puke since the end of January. Have heard very little about her from DH. Except for this past Friday evening DH just opened up the flood gates.

Evidently Puke’s babysitting job has ended. She has managed to save $800 to put towards a car. Keep in mind that DH made a deal with her that he would match what she saved. DH didn’t think Puke would be able to save even a quarter of that so wasn’t worried about it. Then he tells me that his mom is going to give him the money to hold up his end of the deal with Puke. Why am I not surprised? Then DH says he offered to help with the licensing for the car. That’s not too much so maybe he can pay for that. Now Puke has to get her mom to get insurance for her and DH told Puke a while back that he’d pay for maintenance and repairs on her car. That will be interesting because DH can’t save money to save his life. I’m sure his mom will have to help with that too. My MIL is a pretty good lady - just continues to bail DH out – but I’m glad it’s her and not me. This is a “I told you so moment” for me as I predicted this would happen so I’m very glad we split finances.

But that’s not the best part.

We had planned to have a family BBQ next month. (I was contemplating not even sending invites as we are planning a trip for our anniversary and can’t really afford to do both.) DH mentioned that Puke was wanting to come for it and then said he told her that she could bring her BF. I stood there in shock as this was the first I had heard that she even mentioned it. Once I snapped out of it, I asked him why he would do that without talking to me. He had a look of panic and apologized profusely saying he knows he shouldn’t have told her that without talking to me. It was like someone punched me the stomach. I finally told him that I thought it was a good idea that we call off the BBQ this year. I can’t even handle it now. This reminded me why I am much happier not even knowing anything about Puke. My anxiety level was through the roof that night.

I have been able to put it behind me somewhat. Part of me is holding on to it because I feel like this is another example that I don’t even cross his mind when it comes to Puke. Part of me doesn’t even want to go on the anniversary trip because some sort of drama usually happens when we plan something and DH’s mind is on that instead of with me.