Does having your own baby affect how you feel about stepkids?
The topic of having an ours baby has come up a few times on here lately, and I guess this question has been growing inside me for awhile. Do you think becoming a mom after you're already a stepmom somehow makes you love your skid less?
I have 2 ours babies, and was childless before them. Seems like my relationship with my SD8 was a little closer in the 2 years I knew her before I got pregnant with DD. But I also know I didn't look forward to the times when she was with us, I kind of dreaded it, then once she arrived, I was fine. After several days I'd look forward to her leaving. This feeling is slightly improved since I had my own kids, because now we don't have any truly kid-free time. So I'm more indifferent to her presence, but I also spend less time actually interacting with her because I'm taking care of my little ones.
I guess there is no way to know the true answer to this question- but I'm curious what other people's experiences have been.
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Probably good to remember
Probably good to remember that- thanks. My SD is kind of needy so I think she gets jealous of the attention that the babies get - acts a bit more babyish than your typical 8 year old. Sometimes I wish I was able to be a little less attentive to them, but they are 2 years old and 7 months old, and my attention is pretty much tapped out. I'm more hands off with her than before for sure. Sometimes feels like I just don't have the extra energy though, or the motivation. I carve out time to spend 1:1 with her but it kind of feels like obligation more than desire.
That's awesome. I have tons
That's awesome. I have tons of patience for my kids, but sometimes I don't want to deal with/look at SD at all anymore. I think it's because my reserves are lower. I have all this energy going towards taking care of the ones who really need me, that it's hard for me to muster up much more for her. I try to leave most of it to her dad.
Your skids are FULL TIME? Let me pour you a drink.
I definitely feel much
I definitely feel much different toward SD25 now that I have my own kids. My resentment that DH had a child with a woman he claims he didn't love vanished with the birth of our first child. I also didn't care as much about what SD was up to. I think our children also changed DH in a good way. Once he had more children to take care, he learned to put his foot down and not throw away money quite as freely.
I've seen this too in my DH.
I've seen this too in my DH. He is far less willing to roll out the red carpet just because SD is here- or spend absurd amounts of money on her, since now he's budgeting for 3 kids, and he's used to having kids around 24-7. Kid time isn't this big celebrated to-do anymore- everyone is expected to be part of the family and help each other out. Huge improvement in his parenting style if you ask me, but maybe SD would disagree (;
Honestly, I have very little
Honestly, I have very little time or patience for SD8 now that I have DD3 and DD0. I was close to her for the first few years that I was in her life, but too many things have happened for the relationship we used to have to survive. Having my own kids also made me realize that I never actually cared for SD the way I thought I did.