She needs to be angry with her grandfather or her dad, you were only abiding by your husbands wishes.

But honestly who cares what she thinks? She sounds like a petulant 4 year old and who cares what her loser, idiotic friends think either. YOU know the truth.

And if she cared about her father, she would support his wife.

Yeah. That "support" thing goes both ways.

And, Troll, while I agree with you that you shouldn't have found that out via Facebook...your SM and your Dad were married. She has the right...and, in fact, the responsibility, to be the one with him and make decisions regarding his care. That's the kind of thing you entrust to your SO when you enter into a marriage contract. I definitely think she should have called before posting to social media, even if it was a minor attack...but I do understand her being tired after a medical emergency...and a lot of people don't think about FB / posting etiquette in these situations. Perhaps you should have had a little empathy and actually have been GLAD that someone who cared about your dad and loved him was with him when the attack happened. Without SM, who knows if he would have gotten to the hospital or made it through the heart attack. Just something to think about.

The fact that HE delegated that responsibility for care to you, his children, when she needed him was a completely disgusting betrayal on his part.

I think you did what you felt was right and you followed your DH's wishes. At the end of the day, that is the bottom line. You did what your DH wanted.

With that being said... I am a SD and my dad is currently in the hospital and very sick and I couldn't imagine my SM not telling me what was going on with my dad. From reading your blog, I do have a very different relationship with my SM and dad then your skid has with you and your DH. So of course that does make the situations different.

I have wondered, if my DH was sick, to what extent would I involve his kids who I don't get along with and who would probably cause me more stress in an already stressful time. Would I want to have to update them and deal with all of their questions and help them navigate everything, etc.?

Hopefully this will be a wake up call for SD to be more involved in her dad's life.

I know my sister and I are very grateful for my SM being there for my dad as we are 6 hours away and can't get there until later this week.

From reading your story and reading about the comments, I would deduce that SD was acting out of fear - fear that her presents would stop arriving. Fear of being on her own with out Dear Dad that she only contacts when it is convenient, when she is in need. I am so sorry that you are going through this, it must be horrible to see your beloved DH so ill and know what is in store for the remainder of his time.

And those comments she made - so so immature.
It makes me sad - sad for the future of the human population if this is what we have come to in this country of ours, in this civilization of ours. What a luxury to be able to post one's opinion on social media without getting killed, or beaten, and to have folks actually support you in berating and vilifying another woman whom you hate.
Selfish and sordid. This teen daughter of his, hopefully when she grows up will change...but people don't normally change, they are pretty set by this time.

Sending you my prayers...and may his SD19 find some kind of magic intelligence bean.

I would have texted the following:

" I saw your post on facebook. Just to set the record straight, your FATHER asked me not to tell anyone except HIS father and that HIS FATHER would be in charge of giving out information. I had nothing to do with that, I'm sorry that you weren't told. Guess you need to take this up with your dad or Grandpa as I had nothing to do with the decision and it was his choice not mine."

You didn't do anything wrong, you were just doing as your husband asked.

I wonder when your FIL told your step kids that their dad was in the hospital? Not that it matters but she made it sound like she just found out so, just curious.

When my DH had a heart attack, he did not want me to call his family, not even his daughters, so I didn't (his parents had already passed). He called them himself after he came home from the hospital. What any of them thought about that, I don't really care.

Had he wanted me to call, I would have. Otherwise, I don't owe them anything, my loyalty is to my husband.

My answer to her would be "I am sorry if you feel I ignored you. However if you had made a weekly call to your father and seen him more than when you needed something then I would have felt it was right to reach out and let you know. However as you obviously are very concerned about your Dad please call me so I can give you his diagnosis and the long term effects on his life and how you can help him out. Either we get along or you miss out. Your choice. And I am not the enemy. That would be someone else. I look forward to your call."
BAM! Right back in her court.

blow her off, you owe this girl nothing.... why is it your fault?

I'm a evil SM, I probably would've replied on her FB - and if you loved your father you would've known but you only show your face when you want money... by the way... fathers do not send adult daughters valentine gifts, get a boyfriend he's my husband....

simply block her on social media OP, what you can't see will not hurt you, let her go around say what ever she wants to say, you know the truth, DH knows the truth why worry what other people think...

Hope Dh is doing better and enjoy the empty nest... cut off the brats and live your life

"SD, I did not inform you because your father specifically instructed me to only discuss his illness with his own father who would appropriately notify anyone else who needed to know. If you want more information.... call your grandfather."

End of discussion.