OT - Would you pay for this?

So on Monday my dd was told by her section leader in band to take the rack ( like a big heavy cart) back to the band room from the field. It's uphill. It takes 2 and sometimes 3 people to push it up and its usually the guys doing it. Dd asked if she should wait for help and her section leader (an upper classman who is in charge) said no just do it so we can go to lunch. Halfway up the hill she looses control of it and it flies down by itself and hits a car. It scratched and put a small dent in the car. Band teacher is pissed and makes a report but car owner brushes him off. Car owner came to me yesterday with an estimate to repair the car along with a rental car estimate. I said Nope and walked away. Dh thinks that we should pay and we are arguing over this because he wants to use dds money to cover it. Dd earned this money by babysitting all summer and helping her friend with his yard business.

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In my opinion, this is would

In my opinion, this is would be the responsibility of the band/school. DD wasn't goofing off or misbehaving - she was following directions from a band leader at a band event. The car owner probably just figured it'd be easier to go to you and ask for/demand money instead of dealing with the school's insurance.

The school should deal with

The school should deal with it. My ysd had an accident on school property playing a school sport. They covered all the costs my insurance policy didn't cover.

Hell no. I'm not one for

Hell no. I'm not one for raising hell with teachers really, but I absolutely would give the school hell that they better file a claim with thier insurance to get this paid for. Let's say that during a school sponsored lacrosse game, a ball went rouge and smashed out a windshield. The school would be 100% responsible for paying for the repairs.

Don't make a claim, but get the insurance info of the school and give your agent a heads up about the situation. If this guy calls your insurance company about this, explain the situation to them and give them the schools insurance info. Let them duke it out.

Thanks everyone. Dh insisting

Thanks everyone. Dh insisting that because dd knew it was to heavy and that she should have stopped that she should pay. I disagree and i believe the school will pay for it i just think the mom doesn't want to let the band teacher pay it so she looks better in his eyes (the mom). He keeps going on about personal responsibility and making me second guess myself.

I think that sd realizing

I think that sd realizing that sometimes it is ok to counter authority figures and go with her instincts is an important lesson to learn. As for paying for it, if it were me, I would see if the band leader would split the costs with her as I do think that learning that we pay when we cause an accident is important to learn. I understand that the school should be paying for it through their insurance though so perhaps passing the details onto the school and purchasing a small gift for the car owner would be more appropriate and still get the message across.

School responsibility.

School responsibility. Teacher responsibility. Students should not be pushing heavy cards uphill. Students should be individually bringing equipment they personally used into the building.

Owner of car needs to bring this to teacher, principal, superintendent.

School may not have insurance for this. Mine doesn't. Here it would have to go before the school board to be paid.

Dh just texted me again and

Dh just texted me again and told me I am teaching my dd not to take responsibility for her actions and he is disappointed in both of us. Im about to lose my mind on him!

He's wrong unless there is

He's wrong unless there is more to the story. I am 100% for personal responsibility. We made SS10 buy a new microwave for one of DH's employees when SS10 tried to make a hot pocket by cooking it for 300 minutes instead of 3 minutes, walked away, forgot about it, and destroyed the microwave! It was an OLD model that she'd brought in for herself so she didn't have to leave work for lunch, but allowed everyone to use. SS10 destroyed it, so DH made him pay out of his Christmas money.

But in this case the child was doing as told by a band leader, on school property, at a school event. Perhaps DD needs to learn to stand up to authority figures, but don't we spend most of children's school years telling them they need to obey the school authority figures?

Those are my thought to but

Those are my thought to but dh is being an ass. He is insisting that dd knew she couldn't move it alone so she should have stopped. He says she was to shy to speak up so she needs to pay for the damage she caused. He is lazer focused on her having damaged the car abd not how it happened.

While I don't think the OP

While I don't think the OP should have to pay for this, I agree with husband.

Her daughter should have never tried to push that thing alone. It doesn't matter who told her to do so.

Using common sense and saying no to something like this, is not the same as saying no to merely be defiant.

I can honestly say I think

I can honestly say I think this is more tit-for-tat from your DH given the history between the two of you. Your DH thinks he finally has something on your DD so he will push this for all it's worth. This is one of the things that many people warned you about when you were posting about the hangers and the backpack.

It's pretty clear to everyone that this is school responsibility. But your DH sees it as an opportunity to dig at the 'golden child' and no different than the mistakes his DD has made.

Edit: (sorry, clicked save too soon.) You picked at SD's mistakes, and whether I think you are in the right or not, your DH saw it as an unjustified attack on his daughter. Now your DD has screwed up and you are making excuses for her. In his mind you are being highly unfair.

"Perhaps DD needs to learn to

"Perhaps DD needs to learn to stand up to authority figures, but don't we spend most of children's school years telling them they need to obey the school authority figures?I'm a teacher.

In my opinion, a high school student should have enough common sense to know when it's OK refuse to comply. It's absolutely ridiculous that the OP's daughter tried to move that cart on her own.

Eh, DD and SD both just ended

Eh, DD and SD both just ended middle school. They haven't really entered HS yet. I've noticed that freshmen in HS still tend to be more followers than independent thinkers until midway through the year. I don't see middle schools encouraging that type of independence yet.

14 year olds here in Brooklyn

14 year olds here in Brooklyn must be cut from a different cloth. I don't know any that would have complied with that request.

id start working with DD on

id start working with DD on teaching her to speak up. But school is responsible for incident

Now you both dislike and treat poorly each other' kids. It's probably very uncomfortable and confrontational home to be at. Kids who are raised this way at home, often don't speak up at school. You two need to knock it off

In my area the 9th grade

In my area the 9th grade Freshmen were broken off from the high school into their own school because the maturity level for them was closer to middle school versus high school.

This is different than with

This is different than with sd. Sd intentionally misbehaves and gets into trouble while this was an accident. I would never punidh sd for an accident.

Water.Out.Of.My.Nose.

But her DH's argument is that

But her DH's argument is that it was intentional because the girl admitted it was too heavy before she started rolling it uphill. I'm not saying he's right, I'm just saying SD does things on purpose like hangers and now DD has chosen to do something purposely knowing she couldn't.

Did DH possibly contact the

Did DH possibly contact the car owner himself and tell them you will pay for it? Wouldn't put it past him based on your past blogs. Call the school administration, tell them what happened (get the band leaders report) and give them the car owner's info and estimates

Apart from the tit for tat

Apart from the tit for tat issue, this was an accident on school property where the school-sanctioned adult asked your daughter to do something unsafe both for herself and any third party. Which is something I would raise with the school. Why was your daughter expected to haul a rack uphill alone when in the past 2-3 people wrangled the thing. And maybe an OSHA inquiry would be pertinent at this time to make it clear once and for all what is and isn't acceptable. That will make them think twice.

If she had pulled a muscle or broken a bone if the rack had rolled onto her whose fault would it be? Or ask DH if it had been his daughter would he feel the same way?
Probably not.

You said 't!t'...

Really? OSHA wouldn't have a

Really? OSHA wouldn't have a fit? I would think otherwise. And just the threat towards the school would shut them down although I doubt the school even know about it beyond the band leader.

And the parents would be able to request the school cover medical costs because this is a school event on school property unless they had previously signed a waiver.

And it doesn't matter if it is a pissing contest. The fundamental issue is who is at fault.

Nope, band leader and school

Nope, band leader and school are responsible.

I don't think this thread is

I don't think this thread is about who pays for car damage.

This is about two parents parenting each other's kids in a punitive manner. It sounds unpleasant to read. I imagine it's unpleasant to live this way. If spouses can't get along about children then they need to parent their own kids only.

The title is "Would you pay

The title is "Would you pay for this?"

Yet subsequent posts were

Yet subsequent posts were about DH insisting that DD is to blame and money should come out of DDs money because of blah blah blah so same issue as before. Let's punish each other children instead of parenting their own kids or have less punitive approach.

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OT - Would you pay for this?

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