T-10 hours until my MIL arrives
I don't know what I'm really hoping to achieve with this post except to say that I really can't stand my MIL. My in laws arrive tonight for 8 days. EIGHT days. Know this feeling of dread? It's currently much worse than skid dread.
Doesn't that seem excessive-8 days?- like max stay should be 5-6 days? These people don't live overseas. I almost feel like MIL chose such a long stay just to torture me. Maybe I'm being paranoid (:
I've written about my MIL and her menstruating adolescent/Disney princess ways before but the reason I can't stand her is she basically just comes to town and expects everything to stop for her, and for everyone (well, me, mostly) to roll out the red carpet. She eats almost nothing but poptarts and other sugary foods and feeds my kids nonstop junk. She creates problems in the household that only SHE can solve, so that we all owe her immense gratitude. Then she tells everyone she can find how helpful she was and how she saved the day! She harbors all these bizarre and intense expectations of how we treat her, but won't be kind enough to say exactly what it is she needs/wants, rather just expects me to guess constantly what it is that I'm not doing to make her happy - I guess so she can be certain that she'll be perpetually disappointed.
She has no problem totally undermining my authority or plans, so when she's here I basically feel like a guest in my home. She drives my car all over town and doesn't put gas in it. Eats cookies and crap in there and leaves her mess behind. I work from home and my in laws will be in my house all day for EIGHT days.
I've had "words" with her before when she's attacked me over stupid crap but when you confront her she is the tantrumming type. My DH is a total enabling wuss around her, and so is FIL, which is probably how he remains sanely married to her.. I feel like I'm sometimes witnessing what probably was his relationship with BM... (that thing about guys marrying their mothers.)
And- anyone else think it's weird that my DH does all the planning of these visits (as in, does not consult me about their plans at all, just let's them Come whenever however long they want then expects me to cater to them) but he never takes off a single minute of work to spend time with them? So I'll be stuck seeing more of then than he will, since I work fewer hours per week than he does.
He told me in passing yesterday, "oh. It's my parents' anniversary on Wednesday when they're here..." (hopeful, expecting look at me. I said, "yes? Is it a big one?" (No, it's 41 years)
Me: "Are you typically expected to celebrate their anniversary for them?" And he paused and said, "well, um, no, but maybe we can all go out to dinner." That's code for: get us a babysitter and make us dinner reservations somewhere. I just said, "that sounds nice" and kept making dinner.
What is up with these expectations being dumped on me? When my parents come to town, I check with him first, expect nothing of him - except maybe a polite presence from him for at least part of their visit- and make all necessary arrangements, grocery shopping, reservations, recreation etc etc. I would never just expect him to be their entertainment/cook/social planner. For the record I'm not doing a thing about this anniversary thing. That's all on him.
Sorry for the rant. I'm so over my stepmom and dutiful wife obligations lately, can you tell?
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Comments
Thanks! I feel like I'm
Thanks! I feel like I'm turning into such an anger ball sometimes. But I feel like my feelings are just not considered. I'm just supposed to be so patient and ever-present and supportive of crap that's dished out, whether it's regarding SD or in laws or just DH being DH. Tired.
I don't know if I feel more envious or sympathic about your lack of MIL. Yours sounds like she would've been one of the good ones.
Thanks for reading my post and making me feel a little less nutso.
Wow well 3 weeks with 2
Wow well 3 weeks with 2 teenage visitors too?! No wonder you left him! Ugh. As another poster once said, I'd rather have my eye fall onto a fork (;
Thanks for your sympathy. Just glad I'm not losing my mind here.
My OWN MOTHER is not allowed
My OWN MOTHER is not allowed to stay at my house for more than 3 days. What's that quote about fish and house guests stinking? }:) She jokes about it, but knows to request a room at her sister's house for her extended visits in town because I'm an introvert and don't play nice when people are in my space for too long.
Eff word house guests!!
If I were you, I would go on Expedia and find a really nice spa/hotel kinda deal instead of dinner and get rid of MIL and FIL for their anniversary (plus a day ;-))and charge it to DH's credit card. And if he won't pay for it, pay for it yourself! lol I paid $300 for a hotel to get away from my ex-sd's for a week during their summer visit 2 years ago... well worth it, girl! You're not running a bed and breakfast. Get rid of the freeloading geezers. Your sanity will thank you.
Love this! And yes I think 5
Love this!
And yes I think 5 is a respectable amount of time on both sides. Beyond that it's just painful. I mean for me it's already painful but I wish I were getting my life back by Wednesday.
Thank you thank you... this
Thank you thank you... this was not only completely TRUE and so insightful but f-ing hilarious! Made my night, especially considering that as I read that my MIL was actually sitting in my spot on the couch, and had already declined dinner earlier (in favor of wine) but an hour later asked me (not her son, who was standing right there) to bring her a piece of cheese from the fridge while she sat at the island facing the fridge.
As I read your post she was in the middle of telling us all how she was going to take my car this week with my husbands cousin and they were going to take the kids somewhere downtown for fun. (No, it never occurred to her to ask me for the car.) And this after a full day of her feeding my toddlers poptarts, cookies, candy, juice boxes, and then offering them popsicles before bed tonight. I had to put my foot down at that point, the popsicles were probably among the healthier options but I'd seen enough for day ONE.
I'll keep you posted. This will be a long week.
How my husband has NO idea that this is infuriating and almost intolerable would be a mystery to me, if I weren't already a stepmother. As you mentioned, I've been groomed to be stepped on for years. What total bs.
I don't know where to start
I don't know where to start lol...
First hide your car keys and NO MIL you can't use my car, should I call you a taxi instead.... keep doing this Hon, do not give her your car, you simply say NO, my car my gas...
MIL taking over your house, you allow it, stop allowing it, you simply tell her day one, Excuse me MIL, but we do not allow this in my home.
MIL this is my home and my rules, I would appreciate it if you can behave like a guest and keep out of it.
Make sure there's no sugary things she can feed the kids, if you walk in and there's a bowel of doughnuts, simply take it away and say MIL I already told you NO, now please if you do not like my rules you can find a hotel
Just be strong and take control.... yes she will open the tears and say she's only trying to help, You reply to that, you are visiting and I will ask your help if I need it, interfering is not helping.
Stand strong Hon, I have a mother like this lol, I put my foot down, Mum even complained to Dad about me being rude, he simply said, well it's her house and she's an adult....
You would be amazed how good it will feel, remember it's your house and your rules, take control.... either MIL calms down or they leave after 4 days... win win for you
I'm trying to imagine what I
I'm trying to imagine what I would do in your situation, but I can't. I just wouldn't go there. Maybe it's because I married DH a little later in life and my boundaries were pretty firmly established.
I would write MIL BEFORE she arrived:
"Things are so busy and unfortunately we just can't swing it to have you stay in our home right now like we have before, so here's a list of possible motel/hotels you might consider while you're visiting us here in X-city. Also, here's the number for the car rental office since DH and I will be needing our cars during this time. DH tells me that your anniversary is coming up- how wonderful! Let DH know if he can make reservations for you at a special restaurant. We all look forward to seeing you soon!"
NEVER feel guilty, never back down, keep smiling. If MIL asks why, keep repeating "We couldn't possibly have guests in our home right now" and change the subject.
If DH questions it, tell him to take HIS time off of work to entertain, cook and clean, and use his car to ferry his parents around. If he can't or won't, this is the only alternative. Period. I stopped caring a long time ago what people would think of me if I stood up for myself and enforced boundaries. If they don't like it, what are they going to do? Respect your boundaries next time?
Edited to add: I see they are coming NOW. You can still insist DH takes time off to entertain his folks and tell them you need your own car. Remember to smile while you take control!