once and for all I need to know...
First off I used to post as goingcrazyinlove but saw goingcrazy's post and know she has been here long time,sorry going crazy if you read this, I had read this site many times before posting and was upset enough when I finallly did I wonder if I took part fo your name subconciously, sorry about that. I did feel crazy at the time , still do! LOL
NOW TO QUESTION:Do I have to consider my fiance's SD from last marriage his daughter(22 years old) when he himself said she is truly the biggest b--tch in the world and manipulative and he hurts that all his efforts to try and be her dad were responded to the way her mother raised her to respond to men, give me what you have.
My fiance has 3 children and one SD from last marriage.He is generous to a fault. IF the 3 children can't stand(two BC and one adopted 2nd marriage,wife died)and BF says SD,let's call her J, was disrespectful to him from day 1 and is ok not having her as active part of his life, but his DIL insist J stays in picture , do we have to accept this?
IT is his son's wife that seems hell bent on having freindship with J, fine be friend swith who you wnat but keep me out of it,I only wnat people who will try and be respectful to me around.
Mind you J has told me off since day 1 saying I was going to "dupe him" and has told my BF to"fu-k off and die" aftre he paid for her college after the divorce to her motherwho has also called me and cursed me out before.Now if anyone duped my BF, his last wife would be the one.All his kids ,even DIL say that, which is another thing, DIL and BS even hang out soem with my BF's ex whom they say screwed him over because she is J's mother, not veen any blood relation to his BS, but DIL insist they are siblings. Inteersting when she never talks to half siblings form her dad's last marrige that are her own blood which this girl is not any relation nad my BF says his ex wife wouldn't take his last name so the SD certainly would never let him adopt her.
BF's BS(32years old) living with him along with DIL and GD, and BF pays all bills.
DIL who just moved here 4 months ago from out of town, knowing the history between me and J and herself never having more then 2 weeks total contatct with her, has decided to make strong bond with J. I believe she is trying to keep me and her FIL who pays all her bills as long as he lives with them form getting married? Am I crazy?
BF is just starting to see the light but in past has gotten very angry with me and has been very cruel. Once he yelled at me because I made DIL cry(so she says , I did not see her cry nad I talked to her in person, thought that would be best), when all I did was calmly talk to her, in front of her daughter so i know I did not raise voice or act hateful that when she invited J to my BF's house it made him very uncomfortable and could she please just wait until we got married and he moved out? She told my BF I made her cry, this is a girl who likes contact sports and punches holes in his walls, come on!BOOHOO my rear end.
Now his BD is moving here and though she didn't like J a year ago at all ,my BF even admitted that living with DIL would probably swade her to the dark side and once again I will be the wench who threatens their money supply. I work by the way and get plenty of CS , plus ex pays for private school, I am ok, DIL does not work and goes out drinking at least once a week(minimum) and does her contact sport at least 1 nite a week. I don't want to dislike her but don't I have aright to decide that someone who cusses me out does not have to be in my life? Also am I a mean person because even though my BF told them he wished they wouldn't have her over , thye do now just because J took my BF out to dinner, well things were not all repaired , she still hates me and is still disrespctful to him, but now DIL just has her over whenever and my BF doesn't put his foot down but tells me this akes him uncomfortable. AAAAHHHHHGGGGGG- did u hear that? LOL Any ideas on how to address DIL or if BF should and what should be said??
There are no "children"
There are no "children" involved, right? You and your fiance are adults and all the "children" are of adult age... personally, since we're dealing with all adults here, I say everyone can either include or exclude anyone they want and it's nobody else's business. If DIL wants to be friends and have a relationship with SD, then hey, it's no skin off your nose. Let them be friendly. But if you and your fiance don't want to have a relationship with her, then that's totally your call and it's no one else's business if you don't.
Now, here's the most important thing to remember. BS, DIL and GD are GUESTS IN THE HOME. They FOLLOW the rules of the house, they don't get to MAKE the rules of the house. And if your fiance doesn't want SD there, then DIL should not invite SD into the house. If she does it again, they should be asked to leave. If fiance won't enforce his own rules, then it's no one's fault but his own. He needs to sit down with his son and DIL and tell them both point blank that they have _____ days/months to get out of his house and that until they do, they WILL pay rent, 1/2 utilities and all their own groceries and incidentals. They also must follow the rules of the house, one of which is NO SD IN THE HOUSE, or they can leave immediately. If your fiance won't do this, then I would think long and hard about how much I really want him as a husband, because it sounds like he will forever be supporting his grown children and letting them walk all over him.
~ Anne ~
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Thank you for writing back,
Thank you for writing back, how long do I wait IMpatiently for this talk to happen?, I mentioned it again today and he snapped my head off and had another excuse why not a good time.
There are two talks one with his son and one with DIL and son, he only wants son to be there for financial. He wants to sell them the house and they can't afford half now? I say put that house on the market and let them find what they can afford. The house now ofcourse has several animals in it, another complete home's contents stuffed into and looks like a tornado just hit, so would be hard pressed to sell at this point.I wnat to wish you luck on your move. Is it packing time? There is a reason why move is a four letter word? LOL
If he keeps snapping your head
off,then if it were me,(but it's not,it's you)I would snap back just one time with the words"make your move NOW, or I will "MAKE MY MOVE" and it will be out the door for the last time! Take you choice,buddy! Now I know that it's easier said than done,but SOMEONE has to take a stand here or it's "how high" when the "adult kids" demand you and he "jump" Do you want to live the rest of your life with that weight on your shoulders???? Now for me that would be the last resort,but I'm married!How much do you have invested in this relationship that would make you stick around for this abuse??? With me,even being married,I wouldn't take that from ANYONE!
Good Luck with everything!!
hangingin
I agree with the above
I agree with the above, Your B.F needs to take a United front with you because you are suppose to be team players together in a relationship. I would not support a bunch of adults who obviously sound like they have no intentions of moving on out!
Again..this is taking away from you and your children as a family unit of your own, and you should not have to subject yourself or your children to such problems that do not have to exsist in your own personal domain.
You and your children are suppose to come first in his life, the rest is optional if its a problem in your home. your home is your comfort zone, not suppose to be a place where you have to dodge bullets.
Like on that movie called BIG Mamas house, she says:
There are 2 places where you are suppose to find peace,
One is your grave and one is your home, and if it aint in your home start clearing house.