Violence at BM's
Ok so there have been a lot of problems with BM since the beginning and just so everyone knows DH has custody and BM sees SS(6) EOW. BM and her husband have issues with each other and act out in violence quite often. BM left him and moved in with her brother and we never had to worry about sending SS over there. But it didn't take long for her to move back in with him and not tell us. But SS told us about it. So the next weekend BM was to have SS she said that her and her husband were fighting and she didn't want SS there, she wanted to work on her relationship. DH was upset with this because she's neglecting her son for her husband which isn't right. She still has most of her things at the apt. with her brother so she could stay there to see SS and get away for a night from her husband. But she refused. So DH told her that she is too inconsistent and that if she wouldn't see SS then he would do everything in his power to not let her see him again. BM just said, "fine I'll see you in court". Two weeks went by and she texted DH and said "How's SS" He wrote back, "fine". She wrote, "good". That's it. We didn't hear from her again. Even mother's day went by and she didn't contact SS at all. Then 6 weeks after BM last saw SS, SS broke into tears saying he missed her. So DH contacted her and told her what happened and she said she would take him that weekend. So we sent SS over there for a night and when he got home he told me how he kept asking her to play with him and she wouldn't, he just played a shooting game all weekend. (She lets him play a military fighting game rated "M") Then today SS tells me about this past weekend BM punched her husband in the face. I asked him why she did it. He said that her husband hit BM in the face. He told me about how it scared him and how his little sister tried getting to her mom (BM) but he had to keep her away because he didn't want her to get hurt. This is not the first time we have heard of him witnessing violence over there, but last time I got CS involved and they didn't do anything. What do we do???
Holy Crap!
I would suggest you put your concerns on paper, have it dated and signed and submit it in person to CS insisting it go to a supervisor immediately.
Also in the letter put down the last time they were contacted and for what reason(s) and that nothing became of this investigation. Put in the letter that your hubby (the dad) wants to have written response to their investigation and the outcome of it. I wouldn't leave this issue unattended..that is for sure. The kids could get hurt in the middle of a fight.
And further more, I would not allow the child to return to his mother's until something is in place safety wise, regardless of the child crying wanting to see his mother. It may seem rather harsh, but when there is violence in the home, you do not realize how quickly things could get out of hand. Better to be safe then lose a child out of it. Good luck.
Corie
BM
I would tell her that she can pick up the child and keep him for a couple of hours, and then she must bring him home. Of course he wants to see his mother and he should so he will know that she is okay, but he does not need to be at the house with them.
I would suggest she pick him up and take him to McDonalds for lunch and then bring him home until BM can put it on the table that he has a safe place for all of them to stay.
i think that by not letting
i think that by not letting ss come to her house she is trying in some way to protect him from witnessing violence. perhaps it is a good thing for ss not to go if his mom doesn't want him to come. i think maybe you see it as an inconvenience, but wouldn't it be better in this instance to be inconvenienced so he doesn't get hurt?
i too would immediately contact child protective services and start working on modifying your custody order to have supervised visitation so he can't witness the violence or heaven forbid be hurt.
We were more than willing to
We were more than willing to keep SS home, but after he was crying for her, DH decided to contact her to let her know what was happening. BM asked to take him for a night and we never thought there would be an issue. We would prefer SS not visit BM because of what she puts him through. But we have a hard time trying to take SS from BM. It makes us feel horrible. But one thing I know is that it's not a safe environment for him still so I'm just looking for the best way to go about things. I would feel so guilty to know that I ruined his chance to ever see his mother, but I don't think they should visit in that house. And it's not an inconvenience for SS to be here. We miss him like crazy when he's gone even for a night.
I misunderstood then. I
I misunderstood then. I don't think anyone would fault you for keeping any child from a situation of known violence. Keep doing whatever you can to keep him out of harms way. Will she work with you to visit him in a neutral place like the mall merry go round or something like that? meaning does he have to visit her at her house? Not sure of your situation. I'd still report it to the authorities.