Hey Guys,

I am pretty new to the site and have never posted a forum before (although I do comment on them), so bare with me. My ss is 9. My husband has had sole legal and physical custody for 2 years tomorrow. BM was a stripper while my husband was married to her and continued to strip until new BF got her an office job (yes ladies, I could slap my husband for being married to a stripper, lol). Before we had custody we had ss9 Friday nights to Monday mornings and Tuesday nights (she was't a good mother when he lived there, but thats a whole other story). So like I said, BM had a good job and she had a car, she quit her job the day they said they were taking child support out of her paycheck and went back to stripping, then she stopped making car payments and lost her car 3 months later. She only worked the office job for about 8 months, we think she just got the office job so she would look good in court. Anyway, she would pick ss9 up on Saturday nights (at our meeting spot at 6pm) and bring him back on Sundays (around 6pm). Then things kind of faded and she wouldn't see him for like a month at a time, then would pick him up for one night, not see him for 2 months, ect. She would call once a week and tell him that she wanted to see him but made excuses or didn't show up, blamed Daddy, she even said she wouldn't pick him up because Daddy wouldn't let her because she wasn't paying child support (who says that to a 9 year old, and child support wasn't an issue), you know the drill. She is never consistent. So last September we took ss9 to therapy and he did really well with it. In January the therapist said he was doing fine and that the real problem was letting him see BM, so we told BM that in order to see her son, she had to go to therapy with him (which we would pay for), she refused and had no contact with him for 3 months. She called around the week of his birthday and my husband agreed that this was her chance to see him and not talk crap, cry to him about how horrible her life is, ect. So he ss9 over and came back totally depressed because of the things that were said in front of him. She called and apologized and my husband told her she wasn't allowed any more overnights, she could only have him every other Saturday from 12-8. He only did this because at this point ss9 wanted to go there. So she picked him up twice and then all of a sudden she couldn't do 8 hours every other weekend. 2 weeks ago BM calls me to say that her and her BF broke up and that she was giving him all of her money and that she was behind on bills and wanted to move closer to us so that she could get to work easier and help out more with ss9. Ok great. That would be nice if you could help out, Ill get a break, and ss9 will stop being mad at me for doing the things his mom is supposed to do, wonderful. Im civil with this woman because she is my ss9's mom. She calls back a day later and says she's sleeping on other girls couches from work (keep in mind she doesn't have a car, so she is asking customers from work to drive her around) and asks me to let her explain everything to her son, I said ok. She tells ss9 she will pick him up 2 days later, never calls. She calls 7 days later to tell me that she still doesn't have a phone and hasn't found anywhere to live and asks me to temporarily take her cats, no, im not kidding. I said no because I am highly allergic to cats. I then emailed her apartment listings. So a few days later I get an email from her account from some girl asking me to call her. I call this girl and she says that BM left her email up and that I was the only person who had emailed her that day so she replied. She said that she was a 21 year old stripper that had been taking care of BM for a week or two and she couldn't take it anymore. She said that BM was crazy and that she's never seen anyone act that way before. She said all she does is drink, do drugs and take sleeping pills. She also said BM threatened to commit suicide. She threw BM out. I called BM's Mom and she went to BM's work and took her home. Apparently BM tried to slit her wrists (I saw her 2 days later and it looked like a cat scratch). So BM moved in with her sister and her sister said she had to stop stripping and get herself clean in order to stay there. BM was drunk everyday (not a little buzzed, I mean slurring mess drunk) and did go to work and brought home 2 different customers (in the week that she stayed there). She said BM would get drunk and cry and say really crazy things. We let ss9 go there for 1 night only because he got to see his aunt and cousin (who is his age) that he hasn't seen in 2 years (because BM's sister helped my husband get custody). BM is no longer allowed to stay at her sister's. We haven't heard from her at all and have no idea where she is (except for when she is scheduled to work).

Sorry for the long post.

My question is...Should we sit ss9 down and tell him what his Mom does for a living and that's she is on drugs and has mental issues? If so, how should we do this and when? We are worried that he is going to hear this from someone else and it's been going on for years and no end is in sight. My husband is definately not letting ss9 see her now.

I would appreciate any feedback.