We just moved into a new house. All the kids come and go, in and out, this has been hard to adjust to. All the changes. Anyways, I have had alot of feelings about him only focusing on "HIS KIDS" THEIR NEEDS etc...

but I am trying to work through it, go to counselling and try to get control of some of these emotions.

Howeverm now we have this problem:

BF came home Friday night after driving stepkids home ( 2.5 hours away one way) and it was 10:00 pm. My son was sick and I just had gotten back from the Walmart with medications and a humidifier.

He walks in the door, says little to anyone and starts moving all my kids toys out of the living room (the marble set) i told him to leave it and I would deal with their things, that it was late.

He snapped at me telling me that "someone" had to do it or it would not get done. I told him it is 10:00 and I want to put my kids to bed. He ignored me. He is going in and out of Diesel's room getting Monicas stuffed animals and straigtening toys, I went down there and asked him to stop. He again ignored me. It was late, he did not need to be doing things, like we just moved in. We have been living there for 2 days.

No he has it in his head that everything has to be done right away.

I feel, It takes time to set up a house. Things are not all going to get done. We have 4 kids, lots of things to do, lots of things going on.

Anyways we worked through that.

The other day we cleaned our old place and brought in a bunch of things to the new house, although we were storing everything else in the garage. It did clutter up the living room but to me no big deal, we just moved in. We will get to it, him and I both took a week off work to make a dent into getting the place up and going.

Yesturday morning he started move boxes upstairs. He was taking them down to the laundry room.

No, he started again to move boxes , except this time it was my stuff. I said "No No don;t move my things" He mouthed me off and said something degrading, I started to get snappy. I told him, do not touch my stuff, I wil go through my things when I am able to.

He said that I would not, I would let it sit there for who knows how long.

He swore at me in front of his 2.5 year old son ( the "f" word")I was sitting on the couch. I was trying to be calm.

He was screaming at me about how he can't function and how inconsiderate I was leaving my stuff all over the house for everyone else to adapt to. I told him that we just moved in and he needed to relax and I would get to my things when I could. (we have lived here for 6 days now)I also told him to no longer talk to me anymore because he was being abusive and I do not deserve to be talked to that way.

I told him not to touch my things. He said more about how I could not have my things all over and it would be weeks before I would go through it.

He told me "Fine when you walk out that door I will throw your shit outside" I was shocked.

He further escalated it by saying "Actually I am going to throw your shit outside right now" And he walked over to the front door and ripped it open. The door banged the wall and I sat there in shock. I was not going to engage in this. I know where this road leads.

All i did was sit there. What was I to do? He was threatening me and using power and control. I looked at his little boy listening to this. I was not going to make this worse.

He basically ignored me and took most of the boxes downstairs.

I had nothing to say to him. My heart was breaking in 2. He obviously did not care about how I felt or how he treated me.

So now what? Well I ignored him for a few hours. He started in on me how everything was my fault.

I told him that he treated me badly and he said "Only cause you treated me badly"

I told him he was abusive to me, he told me "Exactly, because you were abusive to me"

He cannot see what he did, he says I cannot see what I did.

Stalemate.

I have said very little to him in the past 24 hours. I talked to my mom and I broke down crying.

I tried talking to him about it, and how he hurt me. He should not have escalated it, he said he HAD to escalate things.

I basically told him that He cannot be abusive to me everytime I don't agree with him.

He also made comments about my family. How shitty of a childhood i had and how that is the kind of life I like, I dunno, something like that.

Attacking my childhood? Was he there? What happened to me was not my fault, it was placed upon me. I saw the hatred my parents had for each other, I felt the sting of their disrespect and abuse. It hurt to watch them destroy each other.

I fought hard to have a different life, I went to University, supported myself, tried my best to be a good person and I believed that love did exsist for me, just not the way I was shown growing up. I vowed to never drink because I could not let myself identify with them.

The scars I have are deep. They are lifelong, but I have done a lot of work and decied that I want an abuse free life.

Anyways that is that. We were supposed to take his little boy to It's a blast, he asked me why I am so unresponsive latley and not talking to him and again I told him that he hurt me deeply. He said "Well if you do not want to be around us then don't"He cannot see that what he did was not right. He justified it.

I give up. I can't deal with much more stress. I already have depression that I am trying to manage. I already am processing so many changes and losses. I have no family here. I am divorced. I lost time with my kids. I made many brave adjustments....

All I did was try with the best skills I have. This situation is complex, I feel many normal things but unfortunatly that does not make it easier to deal with.