future wife wants to go from 6 visits a month to one with bios
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My future wife would like to go from 6 visits from my bios to one to slow down the problems from the ex. I don't think it is fair and have told he every other Sunday. She insists on only once a month. What do I do now?
we are texting back and forth
we are texting back and forth as I type this. She will not back down. So, I see it will be a long night.
Your kids, your call. If
Your kids, your call. If you kids are allowed in your home only one weekend a month then the same should apply to hers whether she is the CP or not.
If she wants to be unreasonable about this, you can play hard ball very easily by telling her that you will agree to her desires on this if she applies the same program to her kids.
Best regards,
Rags , I told her how about
Rags , I told her how about twice a month. She told me once a month and wont even give a little. I feel like I have to choose. This sucks.
Pat, As a step parent I can
Pat,
As a step parent I can understand your FW's issues with her stepkids. However, her children being in the family home full time while your children are not allowed equity kid status in the family home does suck.
I do not think this will work unless your wife gains absolute clarity on the situation and does not find a collaborative way to get to a much better place on this issue.
Pat, As a step parent I can
Pat,
As a step parent I can understand your FW's issues with her stepkids. However, her children being in the family home full time while your children are not allowed equity kid status in the family home does suck.
I do not think this will work unless your wife gains absolute clarity on the situation and unless she finds a collaborative way to get to a much better place on this issue.
You know what you think. To
You know what you think. To call it "unfair" shows you are a gentleman. Some would say your future wife was a total b***h.
Confused, I live with her and
Confused, I live with her and her 3 kids that dont even talk to me. But , because my ex is a thorn in our side, she wants less contact with my kids because of that. She believes that maybe ex withh back off. But, my kids loose and I loose. I feel so stuck.
Pat - how is it even fair
Pat - how is it even fair that she decides she doesn't want to put up with drama from your ex-wife, yet you have to put up with disrespect and drama from her kids (that don't even talk to you.)
Complete double standard.
You are letting yourself in for a world of trouble and hurt feelings, unfortunately, if you agree to her. I'm really sorry - but she is being unreasonable and unfair.
I see this going downhill
I see this going downhill from here. I dont know what to say anymore. My back is up against the wall with this. I don't like choosing.
Pat - this comment worries
Pat - this comment worries me. It sounds like she is getting ready to give you an ultimatum. In the end, I hope you make the right choice. I think that for any woman to request this, is overstepping her boundaries - and not as a future stepmom - but as your partner.
She believe that the less the
She believe that the less the kids are with us, the less stress and drama from psycho ex wife. I am so sad of this.
Pat......I know you didn't
Pat......I know you didn't like my suggestion last week about postponing your wedding but I'm going to make it again. This new development is unfair to you and your children.
DH's Ex is difficult and brings in trouble, courts and drama into our lives all of the time. But he would have booted my butt out of the door if I ever suggested he cut back on his time with his kid. In fact, he still would and we are nearing our 3rd anniversary.
She is making an unreasonable and unrealistic request to you. She is trying to use one of those little round band-aids to cover up a severed limb.
Please take some time and really consider if marriage is the right thing to do at this point in your life. Marriage will only increase the amount of conflict you are experiencing in your life. It will not make it better or make it go away, which is no way to start a new life with your STB wife.
This, exactly. I'm not
This, exactly. I'm not excusing any BM drama or saying that it's easy to shrug off - it isn't - but it isn't her place to not only tell you you can't see your children because of your ex but to place you in a position to choose between someone you love and your children. Never in a million years would I pull something like this on my FH. I feel awful just thinking about it.
While support from you is always very helpful, at the end of the day it is her responsibility to figure out how to deal with BM. Disengage, leave that communication up to you, find something to do when BM calls, whatever - but punishing the kids and hurting their relationship with you is not the answer. I very much agree with, "She is making an unreasonable and unrealistic request to you. She is trying to use one of those little round band-aids to cover up a severed limb." from the previous post especially - the issues right now go beyond this and most certainly include her own children. You agreeing to this will not solve anything. You agreeing to this will only cause resentment, hurt and stress for you.
Please don't back down on this one. Maybe stop texting for tonight and use the rest of the evening to seriously consider the future, and regroup tomorrow.
Isn't this the same woman
Isn't this the same woman that wants you to sign off your rights on your kids?! Geez! This woman sounds no good. Sorry. First she tries to convince you to emancipate your kids, but could she abandon HER kids? If roles were reversed would she fight for her kids or emancipate them? Now she wants you to spend less time with them? Is she going to have HER kids around your house less, too?how old are her kids? Yours? Sounds to me like she wants you to be a father to her kids but not to yours. I may not enjoy having my ss around, but I would never keep my husband from spending time with him. Yes, sometimes I wish he would come less, but I would never ban ss from coming over or demand that he come less. As long as my dh does the parenting for his kid and doesn't rely on me 100% and actually spends time with his son then i'm fine. Do you tend to dump your kids off on her or assume she can watch your kids? Unless that is the case, she is out of line.
Pat, my ex-husband stopped
Pat, my ex-husband stopped seeing my daughters too when they were teenagers because he wife couldn't suffer them to breath. She couldn't stand that he had kids from another woman, hence she took that out on them. They are adults now and do not have any relationship with him at all. My oldest has children of her own neither of which her father has ever seen or will ever see. She will not forgive him for choosing. Be very careful what you decide. you're not even married to this woman yet. Think about what kind of precedent is she setting.
I am sorry but I have some
I am sorry but I have some sympathy when it comes to her situation. I have made some assumptions here based on what I read and my experience and I apologise if I have got it wrong.
She may be trying to control her life and get BM out of it because her life has become a nightmare.
You enetered this relationship with your new GF but it doesn't look like you were "done" emotionally with your past relationship. You might have thought so but your ex obviously doesn't. I know sometimes it isn't til we get a BF/GF that it all hits the fan but you must stand up strongly and protect her from what she sees as grave danger.
I know how she feels. It is terrifying to see what you are trying to build together ruined by an ex lover who is prepared to use the children for her own revenge. It broke my heart to see her hurt my love. I didn't want anything to do with it any more. There were days I was so upset I would have given up.
It happens. You are both in a new world that you could never have imagined.
http://www.prlog.org/10056186-how-to-survive-the-horrible-ex-wife-releas...
Here is a great article - I guarantee it will help you see it from her point of view if you are willing. You have to pay $10 to download it I think. This article saved my marriage.
Your GF sounds scared and worried and trying to save your relationship. She is also completely misguided and has confused the children with the danger that is coming from your ex. She should stop but you have no control over that - you can only control yourself.
I urge you to have some compassion. You must love her. I know you also love your children. She might need some time. She might need some support. You both might need to get some help so that you are together in this completely.
Back down. Im not saying give up seeing your children. Just back down. Breathe and read and talk to her. get some counselling. Do anything it takes. Don't let your ex do this to both of you. Don't let her get in between you. In the end, that will be the worst thing for the children.
My thoughts and best wishes are with you both at this difflicult time.
Also, you say your gf is
Also, you say your gf is tired of the drama too? Well how about giving her a break from it all? I mean why does she have to be involved at all? Can't YOU handle all issues pertaining to your kids by yourself? Maybe if you did that then she wouldn't be trying to stop you from having a relationship with your kids.
I would be more than happy if
I would be more than happy if SS7 only came over once a month (or even once a year!), but know that would kill my husband. I would never ask or demand that of him. I can't really imagine your soon-to-be-wife expecting that of you. Seems like a big red flag to me...not a good way to start our your marriage.
These are your children. You
These are your children. You created them and have responsibility to them. They deserve the best you have to give them. They deserve your love, your support, your time. This "women" is ridiculous, selfish, and I'm betting a hypocrite. If you and she had a child together would she think you spending one day with said child would be efficient? Leave this relationship and find someone that is supportive of your role as a father. A good wife is someone who will support you and the effects of things from your past as well as look forward to your future. Everyone has a past and in some instances (like when kids are involved) the past doesn't just dissapear. Your kids are forever and your ex is until they are grown. You need to co-parent with your ex as best you can and you wont be able to do that with this beast of a women breathing down your neck. I sincerely urge you to get rid of this women for your own good....as tough as it may be...you will hate and resent her if you allow her to interfere this much with your relationship with your kids.
I agree it sounds awful for
I agree it sounds awful for her to demand you only see your kids once a month, however me being in the position I am in (no children of my own, boyfriend has a daughter with his ex), I have to also say I completely understand why she would say that. It's very hard dealing with someone else's children. As much as you love someone, that does not mean you love their children. & if their are issues with the ex that makes it even worse, to the point she may just wish the kids would disappear the way I do! I would go easy on her, she is the one stuck in the middle here.
Except his gf has her kids
Except his gf has her kids that live with them...
we agreed to every other
we agreed to every other weekend for now. Just for a limited time so things are not so rocky. I know it stinks for all involved, but, I am glad that we were able to talk it out.