BM still sending skids to Day Care after she quit her job.
So, BM quit her job but doesn't want FDH to know for whatever reason. She's notoriously secretive and a compulsive liar so there might not even be a reason for lying. However, in order to keep up the act, she's still sending the skids to day care from 6AM to 5PM on Tuesdays and Thursdays. This is complete lunacy. Despite this issue being annoying and childish, it also costs FDH $90 a week because he has to split the bill on daycare with her. !!! He is spending 90 bux a week so she can continue to lie to him about having quit her job. This $#!+ is INSANE.
How does a person like this even exist? How the H is she the primary caretaker? We counted the hours and FDH and I have 70 more contact hours with the boys every month. When she has them, she doesn't have them; they're in day care. I can't understand how that can count as primary caretaking in any way.
And I used to feel bad for her because she didn't get to spend more time with the boys due to her job. :sick: FDH even tried to set up a schedule with her where she would have them on the weekends so she could actually see them. She said she needed the weekends for herself and wanted to keep the current schedule. I just did the calculations and she only sees the boys while they're awake 40 hours every week. We currently have them for 65 hours every week (only counting when they're awake). In a nine month period (academic year) we have them for 4000 hours when they're awake and she has them for 2000.
But somehow she's primary.
Have any of you had luck with the custody situation? Has anyone received primary custody without there being some sort of abuse or neglect present?
The good daycares here have a
The good daycares here have a waiting list and only allow so many absences a year, I think it's like 10 days. If you child misses more than the number of days allowed, you can get kicked out and not have that option for when you find another job.
"Finally--My ex and I both go
"Finally--My ex and I both go half on the bill but in all honesty It really wasnt any of his business when I lost my job. I paid my half anyway--so he can pay his and keep his nose in his own business.
If he approached me about why am I not keeping her even though I am not working I would have told him to F off. Its non of his concern what I do on my time with my daughter."
I have to agree with this-it could be because it's hard to find space again-and it's only two days a week-looking/prepping for finding a new job is very time consuming. Perhaps she is using that time to find another job and clear her head.
Losing your job is a very devastating event. I've been there. I enjoyed when the kids were in school so I could get online, contact people I knew-network in my company in other departments, research, go out and do print jobs, etc. And YES I needed the mental break of caring for the kids while I was busy trying to find something fast, grieve the loss and stay somewhat sane. So it's really non of your guys bsns.
That said...the primary placement thing I get-perhaps time to revisit custody if you want to? Same thing w/my bf and his D-he's supposed to be the "EOW" dad and he's paying CS and seeing her 50pct of the time.
Here is where I might get
Here is where I might get jumped on again. I raised my daughter for 20 years now and nobody would have EVER dared to tell me where my daughter was on my days off. They would have been quite sorry.
I agree with maybe looking back over the CO for a revision if you desire.
The custody agreement states
The custody agreement states that the parents will share the cost of child care in the event that neither parent is able to watch them during that time period. If she is simply sending them to daycare for convenience sake, then it is not FDH's responsibility to help pay for it. Yes, that is her decision. No, it's not his problem, especially when he is already paying her child support despite the fact that we have the boys more often than she does (tender age doctrine).
I understand what you're all saying about it. I think I'm somewhat oversensitive to her nonsense at this point. That said, it is part of the custody agreement that BM and FDH must notify the other parent if there are any changes with their job or home location. In fact, FDH had to notify her that he would be changing jobs a couple of months ago. In addition to that, since she's quit her job she now has Monday, Wednesday, and Friday every week to look for jobs because we take care of the boys during those time periods.
This daycare requires a semester contract so they will not lose their spots unless they cancel the contract. However, I assumed if she had some extra time she would try to spend it with the boys because she never gets to see them. This has been a running issue as she often gets days off and never tries to spend them with the kids. During their marriage, she hid from FDH that she got off at 12 on wednesdays because she didn't want to pick up the kids until 5pm.
I do see where you are coming from and I admit I am harsh on her as well as her decisions. Overall, I am extremely upset that FDH has to pay her child support at all when we have them more often than she does, and then on top of that he has to share the cost of daycare because she doesn't want to deal with them. She has a six digit trust fund and has been using it to drag FDH into court every six months, buy 60 dollar haircuts for toddlers (and demand FDH split the cost), enrolls ss4 (now 5) in a private preschool with college level tuition prices, and is sending the boys to an expensive daycare because it's convenient.
I guess I am sick of her throwing her money around when we are still crawling out of the bankruptcy hole caused by the divorce and her continual courtroom antics. So the daycare thing doesn't seem like a big deal, but it feels like more of the same.
Thanks doncon. It's a
Thanks doncon.
It's a complicated situation, but I just don't think FDH should be financially responsible for decisions she makes for the sake of convenience rather than need. I'm sure it's fun for her because she has money to burn, but it's making life pretty miserable on this side of the fence. If she were paying 100% for all of it I honestly would not care what she did with her time with the boys as long as they were safe. Buy the 2 year old a one thousand dollar hair cut for all I care. It's her expecting FDH to pay half that gets to me.
Madam-what does the COURT
Madam-what does the COURT order say...is he obligated to pay for half of day care in addition to child support??? Is he obligated to pay for half of 60$ hair cuts? Isn't that typically included in child support?
Trying to understand better what the CO says and if he's going above what is stipulated by law?
He is legally obligated to
He is legally obligated to pay for half of child care only when neither parent can take care of the children. It's in the CO almost exactly like that, which I think is fair. I think she knows this, and that's why she isn't admitting to having quit her job because then she'll either have to take care of the kids on tuesday and thursday or she'll have to pay the whole bill herself (which, as a trust fund baby, she's entirely capable of doing).
She tried to get him to split a pair of two hundred dollar shoes, but he refused so now they switch off and buy every other pair. The haircuts are another random thing she bothers him about, so now he cuts their hair himself before she gets a chance to rack up a new bill to pester him with.
In fact, today her work was canceled due to unsafe road conditions and a snow storm, so even though she's lying about having quit she had no excuse to leave the boys with the sitter all day. Well, she got off at ten and waited until 5 to pick them up. All the schools, businesses, etc., have been closed due to dangerous weather conditions and this woman left her kids with a baby sitter on the other side of town all day.
Even better: she doesn't have time to pick up the kids but she has time to drive by our house (on a dead end street). I'm not kidding. FDH and I were headed to the store to get some supplies in case the power outages continue, and there she was on our street yet again, without the boys, just driving by our house for no reason.
This is why I am so irate with this woman. She can't take the time to care for her kids in a freaking snow storm, but she doesn't hesitate to continue to drive by our house at all hours of the day.