Bad case of the "clings"......
So, SD8 and I have had a tumultuous relationship, at best. I don't care for her and she's thoroughly made it clear that she could care less for me. I'm trying on 'accepting' her for my DH's sake. There is a long, drawn out history of hateful, spiteful behavior, even dangerous/inappropriate behavior on SD8's part so I'm very guarded and wary of her and her motives. BM is a spiteful whore who would love nothing more than destroy my marriage and tear my family apart, so any time SD8 appears to be "enjoying" our home it makes me crazy with wondering WHY. Anyway - SD8 just started a month long visit for the summer. She hasn't been coming to our home that much since Christmas because well, when she was last here it was a solid week of hellaciousness that I'd rather not ever endure or subject my bios to again (DH and I have two girls, and I have one from previous marriage) so her time in our home has been quite limited.
She's already begun some obnoxious (but completely tolerable) behavior (my mommy does this, and my mommy has that) but nothing too serious until today. Any time I've even MOVED an inch, she's right there waiting to hug me. She follows me around waiting to hug me. I come out of the bathroom, she's there. I get a drink, she's there. I change the baby's diaper, she's there. I hug my other children, and she's there. She almost wiggles her way in ANYTIME I'm showing anyone else any form of attention.
It's creepy. She's gone from "I don't want you to be married to my Daddy anymore and I want my Daddy and Mommy to be married again, so I want to make you leave" to "I need a hug". I have no problem being affectionate with my children because they're MY kids. I hug them anytime they want. It doesn't make sense to me all of a sudden why SD8 feels the need to cram herself up my butt. I'm not rude to her and I have been turning sideways when she goes to hug me and pat her gently on the back and tell her "thank you" but I'm not at all OK with the constant affection from her. I don't want to hurt her feelings but damnit, I feel like I've got a monkey hanging on me and it's just completely creepy to me. It wouldn't be so strange if she hadn't been such an evil monster for so long and then all of a sudden it's changed? I also wouldn't have any issue at all if it were a hug here or there....like at bedtime, or good morning hug or something...but this is ALL the time, and particularly when I'm showing affection to my own children. It's almost like she is desperate to do what she can to redirect the attention to HER...as though she needs constant affirmation that she's "loved" and I have no idea why she'd seek it from me.
I talked to DH about it and he said "well, maybe she loves you now" - but I don't love her and I can't "fake it" either. I've told him it makes me feel uncomfortable but he's worried that saying something to her will upset her. Anybody got any bright ideas, because I'm finding myself thinking "don't make eye contact....don't make eye contact!!!!!" just so she won't charge at me!
hug hug hug her...cling like
hug hug hug her...cling like saran wrap to her......give her a tiny taste of her own overly clingy behavior...THEN when she questions it sit her down by herslef and ask her why she is having such a change of actions...that you are just huggggggging her so much because now she is huggggggggggggging you so much.....feel her out..at 8 she prob doesnt know how to express her feelings to you....8 is a tender age and maybe SD is starting to understand relationships.....maybe a friend doesnt like her because of her behavior...maybe SD is feeling the same distance from you and is realizing that her bad negative behavior is behind her not being in your home as much....I hope for you that SD is coming around...
but mind you 8 is much different than 13...
Good Luck getting to the heart of this matter...
I have a silent stalker who is SD13....she lirks around me and creeps me out.....like she is just watching me....SD13 hates me is this really scares me
She's only 8. This may be
She's only 8. This may be her way of making up for things she has done before. Also she may feel left out when you hug and kiss your girls. Whatever the reason, she's reaching out and making an effort. Meet her half way.
Is BM affectionate with her?
Is BM affectionate with her? My SD10 went through this, drove me NUTS, and, come to find out, she was doing it to EVERYONE, teachers at school, other kids at school, even people at the grocery store. It got to the point that we were getting calls from school about this, as some kids found it offensive and it was a possible violation of the schools policys. With mine I simply told her "one hug is fine, but this is getting innaproriate" and when she tried the "monkey phase" (usually when I was busy) to would tell her "This is not a good time, I am fixing supper\cleaning house ect" it finally got to the point where I hovered over HER while she was playing, eating ect, and she finally got the point
Yes, she gets more than
Yes, she gets more than enough affection at home from her mother, who thinks she's still 4. It has been discussed and discovered that she does this with EVERYONE. It's not an attempt to share feelings - it's an attempt to distract attention from others. I've been paying attention and she is EXTREMELY interested in me and what I'm doing or saying - when I'm interacting with my own children. She's insanely jealous. It's not an effort to "love" me - it's an attempt to take attention away from anyone else in the house. She does it with DH when he and I are talking and I've flat out told her "excuse me, I'm talking to Daddy right now" because it's just ridiculous.
Thing is - I don't WANT to hug her. I have no problem being nice and kind to her, but I have NO desire to love on this child. I might give her a hug when she goes home but I don't feel right hugging the kid all the time.