time for a little VENT. this just irks me...anyone else??
we have SD7 eow and as much as i love her there are a few little things that have always gotten on my nerves for the entire 4 years i have been with my FH. one of them just happened as i was browsing on here so i decided to post about it and see if anyone else deals with the same things.
BM packs SD's bag with clothes for all weekend plus extras, toothbrush, her 5-6 different medications (BM is a full-fledged hypochondriac and i would even go so far as to say borderline munchausen's), and things such as that. even though we have PLENTY of clothes overflowing from her drawer, the court order does say that BM has to send the clothes so i understand she wants to be sure to comply even though we've told her we don't need her to send them. obviously we also have our own toothbrush for her too. what bothers me is when SD will go to her bag for clothes if she gets dirty or wants to change for whatever reason instead of going to her drawers. it annoys me not only because i don't want to see her in anything picked out and bought by BM, i don't want any part of her household being implemented in mine, but also because when she dirties up all these clothes from BM's house, i have to spend part of the weekend with her which is always a busy one making sure to get all the laundry done that includes any of those clothes so they don't get sent home with her dirty. i don't want them sent home dirty because that tells BM that we don't keep up with our laundry and also that we NEEDED to use the clothes from her house, therefore we must not have enough here for SD.
also, the toothbrush is kept in the bag alongside the medicine so a lot of times after my FH gives SD the medicine he will just grab the toothbrush from BM's and tell her to go brush her teeth. WE HAVE A TOOTHBRUSH FOR HER. it's aggravating that he has her use the one out of her bag, as if we don't have one for her. it's like he's treating her as an overnight guest and not a family member while she's here. he says he just does it out of convenience because it's right there and he sees it. but the one we have is RIGHT THERE on the bathroom sink! i know it's not a huge issue but it just grates on my nerves so bad. it's like it's saying we NEED BM's things when we don't.
and also just like with the clothes, if the toothbrush isn't dried completely 100% before it's put back in the case, BM will be able to tell it's been used and assume we don't have one for her. and trust me, she will check these things. just like the fact that she sends ONLY the amount of medication SD needs for the weekend so she can check that it's been taken every night. this is not life or death medication. it's allergy pills, acid reflux medicine and cough medicine. but she acts like SD is going to die if she misses a night. at first she would count the pills but that became too much work so she would just send the two nights worth so it's easy to tell. SD even told us she measures out the syrup and checks it again when she comes home. ridiculous!! the whole medicine thing is another thing i can't stand. anyone else have any of these issues with skids using things from home the whole time they're with you? it bugs me so much!!
She takes cough syrup every
She takes cough syrup every night? Weird. As far as the clothes-I would just tell your dh that sd needs to wear the clothes you all have for so you dont have to worry about getting them washed up. In fact-he can just take the bag from sd when she arrives-put the meds someplace safe and put the bag up for the weekend since it is not needed.
But other than that I would stop worrying so much what the crazy bm thinks. In the big pic of things who cares which toothbrush she uses or if bm will check it to see if it is dry? Just do whatever you are comfortable with and dont give another thought to bm.
The cough syrup thing is
The cough syrup thing is definitely a munchousen's symptom. How does the doctor feel about that?
We had a similar issue with our boys' BM. We started just keeping the clothes that the skids got dirty and sending clean clothes from their drawers back with tthem. Tehy aren't "her" clothes, they're the skids' clothes. Just like I told them that if they want to wear something from here at their mom's or something from her place here, they'd have to make sure that they brought them with. It takes out the to clean them. you could do the same thing with the toothbrush. Incluede a little note that says "the other toothbrush was still wet, so here's the one we had for her." I always figured that BMs and DHs were far too emotionally involved in which one the skids used, so I try to make it not a big deal. So what if she wants to pick the skid's clothes out... let her. Less work for you.
I'm with hismineandours on the do what you are comfortable with. Let her have a heart attack if she wants.
yeah she has 2 allergy meds,
yeah she has 2 allergy meds, 2 antibiotics, acid reflux meds, and cough syrup every night. and is supposed to have an emergency inhaler/nebulizer and epipen with her at all times. even though in the four years i've been with her dad i have NEVER seen anything even resembling signs of athsma...no wheezing, shortness of breath anything like that. she can get a little choked up after strenuous exercise like jumping on the trampoline or running around with our dog, but to me any kid who over-exerts themselves would be doing the same thing! BM says these are the signs that says she is athsmatic. and the epi pen is because she's allergic to cinnamon. she was also "lactose intolerant" (but magically able to eat mac n cheese with cow's milk daily) and had to have only soy milk up until about 6 months ago they finally decided to try her on some and voila! not allergic anymore!!
hismineandours- i think i'm definitely gonna use your idea of putting the bag away until it is time for her to go home. it's not so much about what BM thinks as it is about how it makes me feel. i don't like using anything provided by her, to me it's like saying we needed it. and especially with the clothes. i spend my money making sure SD has clothes here that i like and approve of, and it makes me feel like it's all for nothing when all she does is put on clothes from home every day. i know it's petty...that's why i just wanted to vent about it a little and see if anyone else gets annoyed with little things like this. better than having a blowup on FH right? lol.
roseslady- oh no, trading clothes back and forth like you do would never work in our situation. BM freaks out if we even miss something going back in SD's back and it doesn't get sent home. she acts like we were trying to steal it to wear for ourselves or something. i remember early on in our relationship she totally went off on FH about a couple pair of jeans that were missing. she is one of those mom's who only can get clothes and shoes for her kids at the mall. name brand wh*re. so i understand she does spend a lot of money on the stuff and as i have said before, i don't even like putting SD in anything picked out by BM. i like putting her outfits together myself. maybe it's because i don't have a little girl of my own to dress up and make all cute, but honestly i believe it's our time, she's OUR responsibility during that time, and we should be doing everything for her, not letting BM extend her hand into our home and controlling even a TINY tiny aspect of it. like i said i realize this is a petty thing, but it just annoys me. and to be honest i will buy SD a few nice (slightly expensive) things here and there, and i wouldn't want them going to BM's house never to return either. i pick a clothing item because i like it and I want to see SD in it.
WHY??? I would just let her
WHY??? I would just let her wear what she wants even if it is from bm and then just put them in the bag dirty! I had to do the same thing here. The boys didn't want to put their clothes away so they started to bring clothes form their moms. I told them I would NOT touch them! If they wanted to bring them they had to take them back dirty or they could wash and put them in the bag. HE HE. }:)