problems with stepdad
BM's husband is getting really cocky lately. my FH is active in SD6's life; gets her every other weekend and always tries to have something fun planned on his weekends, and he pays his child support every week. he is as involved as BM will allow (for example he can't call SD at BM's without the conversation being put on speaker phone and BM coaching SD along what to tell us and having SD relay messages and information...basically using it as a chance to talk to FH herself). i recently bought my FH tickets to a game of his favorite football team for him, SD and i...it was the first time going for all of us and i was excited of course and posted as much on my myspace (BM and hubby are constantly posting where they're taking SD trying to rub it in our faces). this completely set off BM's husband and he started posting all kinds of trash on his...when i responded to say not to concern himself with what my FH does with HIS daughter he came back saying he has more legal rights to SD6 than my FH because BM has custody and he is married to her and because my FH has only twice a month visitation. now he is referring to himself as daddy and is having SD6 call him daddy...i really have no idea how this situation should be handled. it is infuriating...and this is just one example of how these people let their own issues (whether it be insecurity, jealousy...i really don't know) allow them to completely SCREW with a child's head.
Well that really is
Well that really is outrageous. I'm going to comment on this from my own experience - when my SKids BM brought her BF into the home, she and he were keen to oust my DH from their lives. She wanted to punish him for leaving her and thought it would all be much simpler and less stressful if she didn't have to see him any more. Her BF was enamoured by his sudden incorporation into a ready made family of beautiful children (it was the early 'honeymoon' days!) and wanted to take over as Daddy. He had no children of his own, and absorbed all of BM's negativity and bitterness about DH. It was difficult and inconvenient for him to feel his developing bond with the children overshadowed by the bio Dad every time DH had the children.
I guess as step parents a lot of us have experienced that sense of putting our all into step parenting only to feel second best when the bio parent is around. It can be hard to experience that, but there is no excuse for deliberately trying to alienate a child from a committed, loving parent. BM's BF actually told my DH that he (BF) was more of a father to the children than DH was and all he had to do was buy them a few presents and they would soon forget all about DH. You can imagine DH's anger and fear because your FH must be experiencing similar at the moment. But can I just say how wrong BF was. DH continued to be a responsible, committed loving parent and his actions spoke louder than BFs words, nothing BF could do could replace their Dad in their affections and in fact 5 years later none of the children are very keen on BM's BF.
So my advice is stay calm, don't rise to it, do not engage in public myspace battles, do not publicise your life with SD unnecessarily, focus your efforts on the little girl, enjoying your time with her and ensuring she knows how much her Daddy loves her. BF has NO legal rights let alone more legal rights than your FH, (although the kicker is that this works in reverse and as step moms we lack rights in relation to our step children!). You are absolutely right that jealousy and insecurity are probably at the root of BF's behaviour.