Not common here...

I don't pay anything for SD other than what I pay towards our mortgage, utilities and keeping food in the house...and DH pays for most of that...

When DH and I got together, we sat down and talked about the fact that SD was his child, and he was 100% responsible for her care. Period...He has a budget, and he truly knows me, so he's never tested what would happen if after paying support he "lavished" SD with anything...

Is there a way you can sit DH down and have a talk with him regarding his responsibilities? It's truly unfair that you're paying for so much while DH goes all willy nilly with his money...

Noooooooo, not common over here at all. I have my own child to take care of, and DH's kids were never my financial responsibility. My mother and stepfather kept their finances separate until the youngest was out of college and married.

i did some but stopped. the arrangements was that we split costs and i paid for al the kids needs my bio kids and his daughter but i stopped and now i pay for my kid , he pays for his and we split house/food/car expenses. my advice is dont pay for the skids stuff, you will resent it at the end because nobody will ever be greatful for it

NOPE

We both help with the bills. He pays CS and spends as much as he wants on his kids. We will never have joint accounts.

I completly understand your frustration. I also pay for everything for my SD10, SD19 and SS22. My husband is too selfish to spend money on his kids. In fact i buy all birthday, christmas, easter etc. But do i ever get recognized for this? No, because he takes all of the credit for gifts. His kids have never been appreciative of me or anything i have done for them.

NEVER! DH pays for 90% of things because he makes way more than me but I do deposit my paychecks into his account when he needs it to cover bills or whatever. Otherwise, when my paycheck comes, its mine and DH seems to have no problem with this.

I do, for now.

My boyfriend lost his full time job last year. He is an actor and freelancer as well, and gets some income from that, but not consistently and not nearly enough to support himself and the SDs.

We live together but are not married; but because I make enough money to support us and I do not want him to be miserable (for selfish reasons actually), I have encouraged his natural desire to not get just *any* job. Although they share custody 50/50, his kids (SD10 and SD13) are with us full time right now as BM also lost her job and had to move out of state temporarily (or so she says). She pays us a bare minimum flat rate every month while she can't have them with her... but otherwise I pay for pretty much everything presently.

I do get frustrated and feel used sometimes. I have talked to the boyf about it, but I know he feels pretty guilty, so I don't press it. I often feel like the money that I work hard for is floating straight out the window, like when the skids run the washing machine on a full load to wash a T-shirt and shorts, or when they constantly need new things because they are irresponsible with the things they have, or because they eat EVERYTHING... but I know also that if the boyf took just any job he'd probably have to work nights/weekends and I'd have to do way more taking care of them. So I am conflicted a lot. I do, however, feel extremely lucky that I am in a position to do this for him and the girls. Because of that, I really try to temper any resentment that may rise up.

The other day though, I was talking to him in his office and noticed a ledger with months, debits, credits, etc... I asked what it was since I normally handle budget like things, and he said he was tracking what he "owed me" for everything I paid for. I felt like a heel at that moment for ever thinking he might be taking advantage. So I'm less conflicted right now! I tend to feel like things like this even out over time anyway. If the situation were reversed I'd hope for the same from him.

Well I do pull 90% of the weight. He gives me a couple hundred a week. But I pay all the bills mortgage my car payment etc. I got him the job he has but the majority of his money goes to child support so I am totally missing out on a lot because of the skids.

I would strongly suggest you and your husband have a "talk" and you most of the talking!

If he wants to lavish his kids with things, he needs to get a second job (even a fast food job would help).

Set a family budget - which includes all the NECESSITIES (rent, mortgage, phone, heat, water, food, child support, etc....) Notice I did not say cable tv, extra unneeded cars, eating out, clothes, etc...these things are not considered necessitites. You can get very nice clothes at places like Goodwill and Salvation Army - often new items are there, etc... If there is any money left over, you EACH can have an allowance. Yes I said an "allowance". Marriage counselors and financial counselors often recommend this.

What your hubby does with his "allowance" is his business, but he is not allowed to use any other money other than his allowance to spoil the kids. It has to come out of HIS allowance, and ONLY his allowance portion.

You should also have enough money in the bank to cover ALL of your NEEDED expenses for one month - in case something happens and there is no income coming in.

Separate checking accounts sounds good also. He can't spend what he can't get his hands on.

That is probably the ONE and ONLY thing I put my foot down about. Unless we are all out or I buy my bios lots of stuff- I will pick her up something little/small. But hell no, I do not give any $$ for her. Sorry, but that is what bios are for!! I have three of my own to support; and to be honest, she doens't deserve a penny!

We have both separate and joint accounts: I have a partial direct deposit done into the joint every payday - but just enough to cover bills, expenses, food. The rest is mine. He also pays his CS out of that account, and I will in no way contribute towards that.

Step-father here. DW and I have separate accounts, but I do pay for most of the household expenses (mortgage, utilities, car insurance, vacations, etc.). DW pays for her own health insurance, and SD17's health insurance. DW also pays for some of her car's gas. Most importantly, though, DW covers **all** of SD17's expenses. I never pay for her food, clothes, etc. No birthday or Christmas presents either. A few years ago I did help with braces b/c DW threatened to leave me if I didn't help, but that is the last time that I have paid anything towards SD17's costs.

Overall, I think that our system is fair because I do make more than DW, but I would still like to see her contribute some towards the common bills, instead of blowing all of her disposable income on SD.

Well...it has now ended up that I pay most everything. FDH works hard but just simply doesn't make enough money to support the needs of three kids, plus his bills (truck payment, insurance, etc.). He has full custody and he's supposed to receive CS from BM. But she doesn't pay it. He had a good job before he got full custody but it required long hours. He became self employed in a field that allows him to be home in time to take care of the kids but it means that he's under employed for the time being. We estimate that he'll make much more money in 3-4 years once his business is able to expand.

I pay all the expenses for the house (mortgage, utilities, insurance, etc.) figuring I'd need to pay that for myself anyway. Unfortunately, I also pay for all the groceries, food, skids clothes, cell service/phones, gifts, etc. If BM paid her child support &/or bought anything for the kids it would be a big help but certainly not cover all the expense. I don't like the arrangement but FDH works really hard at his job and at taking care of his kids. He is never selfish and does not waste money on anything. He stretches the grocery money and makes the meals to minimize the expenses as much as possible. And he rides the kids when they waste electricity, food, etc. so I know he doesn't take it for granted at all.

I wouldn't be willing to help financially if he were reckless or irresponsible but he's truly doing the best that he can while also being there for his children and with a BM that is completely neglectful. I just can't find it in myself to deny the kids what they need, knowing that their father is doing his absolute best.