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He's driving me crazy What do I do? Seriously considering medicating myself....

Mikki's picture

Submitted by Mikki on Sat, 03/03/2012 - 2:18pm

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Teenage Stepchildren

My husband and I had been separated for three yrs. The separation was my idea. The straw that broke the camel's back three yrs ago landed when my SS stole my grandmothers rings (again) and my coin collection, that once found had most of the coins missing. I told my husband that I was either going to call the police or I was going to move. I chose to move.
Fast forwarding three yrs, my husband and his children, now 14(SD) and 16(SS) moved in with me over the Christmas break. We are once again together as a family unit. My SS's stealing has started again. Lying is a major issue as well. Watching rape porn has been an issue. He's also had some community service time because of a theft of school property.
His father, my husband, is a retired police officer with a military background. Guns tend to be a major topic in this house. I refuse to allow my SS to have guns while living in my home. He has anger issues. I don't want to become a statistic.
This child continues to push, continues to steal, continues to lie. He's the munipulation King. He gets grounded, reprimanded, suffers consequence, and yet nothing seems to change.
The irony here is that I'm becoming the monster. Dealing with the issues 24/7 has stressed me beyond my limits. I'm trying to remain rational, but at times I fail miserably. My husband refuses to talk to me. If he would just discuss the issues, I think I would not be so stressed. But discussing the issues cause him stress which at times leads to dispare.
We've engaged a counsler and met in our home once a week. To be fair there are "moments" were I can see progress. But I fear it may be at the expense of my sanity and my marriage.
I want to be able to step outside of my self, or better yet, outside of my emotions, and be able to approach this kid from perhaps a more clinical perspective. But I can't seem to allow myself to disengage emotionally.
I truley want to help this kid, but I also want to maintain my marriage and my sanity. It's sink or swim time....anybody have a life preserver....rope....air tank....anything?

duct_tape's picture

Submitted by duct_tape on Sat, 03/03/2012 - 8:50pm

My own son(s) have caused me much heartache over the years. You have to ask yourself what is the nature of their crimes to be able to determine their rehabilitation potential. Are the crimes or bad behavior destructive to themselves or to others. Sounds like yours is destructive to others. That, madam, is a major sociopathic pathway.

My sons, drove too fast, drank too much and argued with me too much. They NEVER stole from me or anyone else. They would die before they'de consider throwing someone under the bus, even to save their own asses. Basically, they have honor.

My nephew stole from his own family, and engaged in alot of online gaming with incredible violence. He became very sociopathic. He's now in jail for manslaughter. He also was convicted of sodomy against a young boy. Your instincts are working for you. You are not licensed to provide the help he needs. His father is no doubt devastated that his son is like this. They really need to just rot alone together. You can not save these people.
Best of luck to you. I feel your pain.

sterlingsilver's picture

Submitted by sterlingsilver on Sat, 03/03/2012 - 11:46pm

We're dealing with the same sort of issues with our 18 yr old and he's moving out tomorrow due to stealing, lying, and pure disrespect of me. He is always right in his own eyes and there is no changing him anymore; like newwife3 said, pretty much a lost cause. Sadly some kids need to just get out and let life deal them the lessons they need. my bs had to go to juvi school for a semester and now he's doing really well. Maybe your ss would benefit from juvi or jobcorps for awhile until he's 18 at least.

alwaysanxious's picture

Submitted by alwaysanxious on Sun, 03/04/2012 - 7:14pm

I'm sorry you are dealing with a difficult skid, but the problem also is with your partner. If he isn't going to defend you are get him under control, then he isn't a good partner.

Best quote I've heard in a long time

BEFORE YOU DIAGNOSE YOURSELF WITH DEPRESSION OR LOW SELF-ESTEEM, FIRST MAKE SURE THAT YOU ARE NOT, IN FACT, JUST SURROUNDED BY ASSHOLES. -William Gibson
http://www.cloverquotes.com/images/picture_quotes/0/27_main.jpg?1322486848

You don't need medication. There is nothing wrong with you. Skid needs a swift kick in the ass. Maybe its best that you go back to the separate living arrangements. Actually, in re-reading your post, I'm not sure that your SO is quite for you either. I think you were doing good on your own, but those old feelings are hard to escape.

momof5_1969's picture

Submitted by momof5_1969 on Tue, 03/06/2012 - 2:14am

I like that quote -- i'm not depressed, I'm just surrounded by assholes ---- and this is true! ^^^^^