SERIOUSLY?
This is a question for all the BM's on this site.
I'm not a super affectionate person and growing up saying "I love you" on the phone or in person to my parents is just not what we did. I never doubted my parents would go to the ends of the earth for me.
Even with DH (whom I love madly) hears it sporadically, but I know he knows, I love him like crazy.
With my nieces and nephews I say it when leaving their homes after visits, or occasionally if I happen to talk on the phone, I may say it as an end to the conversation with the young ones.
When SD12 is here, first off- BM calls every few hours... irks the crap out of me, but whatever. I actually counted the last phone call and there were 6 "I love you too"s within a 4-5 minute convo. The first one was within 5-6 seconds. Is this usual behaviour? It can't be.... I understand one at he end of the conversation- but this is suffocating, no? The mother says it like 5-10 times during one conversation!!
Shoot- meant to put this in
Shoot- meant to put this in 'parenting' thread- sorry
This is putting a huge
This is putting a huge responsibility on a child. It makes them feel responsible for the parent's happiness. The child feels guilty that the parent is not happy and the child does not know how to fix it. It is very dysfunctional. And you are right, a form of abuse.
To say it once is okay. The
To say it once is okay. The ex BM should have faith that you and your husband are taking good care of their daughter. If she has doubts, dont let the kid come over. But no, it is a form of passive aggressive behaviour and shes doing it to be intrusive.(not normal). IE, shes upset her ex has moved on.
Heck no, that is not normal.
Heck no, that is not normal. It is using love for control. Suffocating is a great way to describe it, even just all those phone calls is not good. Layer on the loads of I love you's and it's going somewhere unhealthy.
No not normal, as a BM when I
No not normal, as a BM when I do call my kids I say "I love you" when we end the call. Now at home I say it before I leave for anywhere, and at bedtime or if I've had to have serious punishment and or talk with them so they know I do what I do because I love them and even when they screw up I still love them.
Sounds like either #1 she really has nothing to talk to her child about or #2 she knows your listening and wants to be irritating or #3 the most likely cause is insecurity and control.
Our BM calls every day (even
Our BM calls every day (even on the first day after they have been with her for 5 days straight) and loads on the I love you's. Why can't she be more secure in her motherhood? The I love you's (and the phone calls really) are for HER COMFORT, not the kids. They are 14/12. I mean come on!
I am a BM too and I don't call my kids when they are are their dad's -- I figure if they want to talk to me they will call me, and it's their time at their dad's, why do I need to intrude? I don't think parents who are secure call their kids and say I love you repeatedly.
So yes you are right, your BM is weird and over the top about this. She's insecure.
BM#2 calls almost nightly and
BM#2 calls almost nightly and SS is saying loveyounitenitebye immediately. She doesn't get the hint ans keeps chatting away and he says it all one word several times before he hands the phone back. He refuses to hang up. Just hands the phone and walks away. If I don't answer right away BM#2 calls repeatedly, hangs up and hits redial. Then has a shit fit when FDH calls and tells her I'm bringing in groceries or bathing my DD and BM needs to back off.
The mother is insecure when
The mother is insecure when the kid is gone. Let her have her reassurances without trying to second guess. It's harmless enough.
I'm a BM. My DS13 is adopted
I'm a BM. My DS13 is adopted and his father has no parental rights, but we let him see DS anyway. DS goes there for a few weeks or a month a few times a year.
DS has a cell phone. When he's with his dad he can call me if he wants to talk to me. Otherwise I text him once a week or so if I haven't heard from him. Usually his dad or stepmom text me a pic of him doing something fun with is family there every few days or so, and if there's a problem, I would definately hear from one of them.
He doesn't get to see them but once or twice a year, so if I call, I feel like I'm intruding or interrupting. I feel like if he was missing me or bored, he would call me. Plus he's not a big one for talking on the phone.
His dad and stepmom don't parent exactly like I do, but they have a 16 year old daughter (her daughter, his adopted daughter) and about a 8 or 9 year old boy together, so I'm sure they can handle whatever comes up and if not they can call me.
If my son doesn't know I love him based on our relationship when he's here, nothing I can say while he's at his dad's house is going to make the point to him. And he definately doesn't need an hourly reminder.
Yeah! This! When DS was
Yeah! This!
When DS was initially given a cell phone, I explained to his dad and family that they could call his phone if they want to talk to him and MY phone if they want to talk to ME. If DS doesn't answer his phone, it's because he can't talk, and it has nothing to do with me or who is calling. Leave a message and he will call you back if he wants to, and that isn't something I enforce. That's between him and them.
Just tell him "Hey, the kid
Just tell him "Hey, the kid is with you, so you know she's not calling about a kid related emergency." That's how I look at it.
BM3 used to call ALL THE TIME when DH first moved in with me. SD was 2! She could barely talk and hated to talk on the phone. She'd get all ramped up every time her mom called. DH started just letting it go to voicemail and then he'd text her back "Hey, she's eating/napping/playing/taking a bath, talk to ya later!" And then just wouldn't answer the phone. Then he'd call her back and just hand the phone to SD for about 5 minutes right before bed. Drove her nuts, but broke that habit.
As a Bm I do not call when by
As a Bm I do not call when by bios are at their dads, even as infrequently as they are. My bd5 will call me since she just learned my phone number,usually shes just like i remembered your number and called to say hi, I keep it short and sweet, have fun be good, see ya on xxx when you get home,that type of thing. my Sds bm doesn't call either unless there is some change and its usually a text and not very often. my sd will about 10-15 times a day be doing something and freeze mid action look at So and say I love you daddy for no reason, usually if we are talking. I think its too bring attention back to herself cause god forbid we should forget about her or something