Howdy all,

A little background on DH: He and ex split 3 yrs ago due to infidelity on ex's part when SD was 6 yrs old. He tried to make it work. Stayed 5 yrs, 4 of it spent in marriage counseling. After discovering Ex was back to lying and cheating, he moved out and filed for divorce. Ex is a piece of work but aren't they all? Anyhow, both of them raised SD to be the center of the universe. Spoiled only child. She literally was telling them what to do and was in full control at age 11 when I met my now husband.

A little background on me: I have a daughter who is 6 mos older than SD. She lives with her dad full time (long story but it was more stable as I was moving around too much with my then boyfriend due to jobs he had). She comes to CO to visit for the summer and I go up to MI to see her at other times throughout the year/holidays/etc. She and I have an excellent relationship and she's very articulate, mature and smart. Polar opposite of SD.

A little background on DH & me: we met after he and ex had been apart for a yr. We met online as friends and didn't want a relationship at all. He introduced me after a few months to his daughter. Our friendship developed into a relationship shortly afterwards. We were engaged after a year and just married last month. So, that's 3 yrs that SD has had to get used to the fact that her parents were not together nor were they getting back together.

This girl is very manipulative, a liar, an attention seeker and has tried to break her dad and I up several times because dad finally grew some nerve and started behaving more like a dad instead of like this kid's best buddy. Unfortunately, her mother is still her buddy and she still has control over mom. He doesn't give in to her every desire, mom does.

There's a ton more to discuss (hard to put 2 yrs worth of life into a single post) but bottom line right now is SD decided she no longer wants anything to do with her father and I. She's super jealous of my daughter and doesn't want to be around her either. Her mom and dad share custody but she's decided she doesn't even want to spend 2 hrs with him alone for dinner. It's breaking my DH's heart but after many attempts (he's tried even forcing her to come over, or do their regular Saturday daddy-daughter alone days) of connecting with her and getting rejected, he told her he doesn't know what else to do and is leaving the next visit up to her. He's consulting a therapist now who says let her come to him, slowly rebuild their relationship, etc.

We've done the therapy thing with her too. She was in individual counseling for a year to deal with their divorce, she lied to the therapist for attention. She's a major attention seeker. When the spotlight isn't on her, she creates scenes and drama to get attention. Mom feeds into it, we do not. We have had therapy with just her and dad, her, dad and mom, her, me and dad, etc. Mom refuses to talk to or meet me.

I'm enjoying the peace and quiet at home right now, because when she's around (she used to come over every other week for a week straight) everyone's miserable. She pouts, cries to go home, won't do anything with us, behaves like a 2 yr old, etc. I've even caught her trying to poison my fish and yanking on my cat's tail...she disturbs me!

I've been nothing but nice to this girl. Tried to bond with her. She's rejected me from the time we announced our engagement and basically all we do now is pretty much ignore each other.

I realize that once she and her father resume talking (it's been almost a month since the last time) we'll have issues to iron out as far as her coming over for visits and whatnot.

I guess I just want to disengage. I don't know what else to do. I've tried everything I know to build a relationship with her and she refuses. I'm sure mom is a HUGE influence on her. She's to the point now where she's basically isolating herself from DH's entire family.

Anyhow, I just wanted to vent. It's nice to know I have an outlet. DH doesn't really want to talk about her much as I know it hurts him that she is basically cutting him out of her life. We could force the issue, but then everyone's miserable.

Thanks for hearing me out and letting me get this off my chest. I feel so much better!