advice
Hello, everyone,
I am the stepmother of a 6 year-old boy whose mother abandoned him when he was 2 years old due to the fact that she has bipolar disorders and can't take care. This is what she says, but the story is different. She just does not want to be bothered with taking care of a child. She has been calling from time to time to make sure the kid has not forgotten that she is his " mommy". She does not pay any money for this kid, is not engaged in his life whatsoever other than the phone calls. My husband and I take care of him full time. We pay for everything beginning with food, clothes, school lunch, medication, health insurance...the whole nine yards.
Bottom line...my son has a party at his kindergarten on Wednesday and she has decided to come and play the "mommy" role. I am having a hard time coping with the idea that she will take all the glory in front of the classroom's teacher and pretend being an important and active person in my son's life when it is not true.
How do I deal with it? 
Thank you in advance for all your input.
UGH...is there anyway to get
UGH...is there anyway to get her rights suspended so you can adopt the little guy?
My husband and I thought
My husband and I thought about that, but it is a long process and expensive.Plus, she will not agree with giving away her parental rights. She does not think about the child, she thinks about saving her image in front of others. And trying to prove that he is all sweet and caring, she messes the boy up emotionally.
My husband told her about that, she does not want to understand.
The teacher knows. The
The teacher knows. The teacher sees who is active in the kid's life on a regular basis, and who shows up for special occassions.
If I were you, I would go. She will stick her foot in her mouth at some point. She may try to keep up appearances, but she's not fooling anyone.
You are right about that, but
You are right about that, but I still can't take it. It is hard.
After all the hard work that I am doing every day...
And my husband is very involved in the boy's life too, but he travels a lot. And I am left with the responsibility of raising him.
The hard part is taking on
The hard part is taking on the responsibility and raising the kid.
The easy part is showing up when it suits you to "play mommy" for strangers to witness.
You're already doing the hard part .. who cares what anyone else thinks? You have to find the strength and confidence to know that you're doing the right, good thing. It's disheartening and defeating to feel like your thunder is being stolen away from you .. but maybe try reminding yourself WHY you're doing all this.
Is it because you want the acknowledgement and attention from the kid's teachers and friends, or because you care about the kid and want what's best for him?
Hang in there!
I am not doing this to get
I am not doing this to get praise from anybody. It would be wonderful if my stepson will acknowledge when he grows older and understands all the effort I put into raising him. And all I want is a thank you.
I am doing it because I care about my son and his emotional well being.
I lived this for the last 16+
I lived this for the last 16+ years. I also raised my SSs with a physically and financially absent BM. The worst was when BM showed up at my middle SSs graduation and ranted and raved about how proud she was that he got a scholarship. I wanted to vomit all over her. She had absolutely ZERO to do with him or his upbringing. Right now at age 6, it will be hard for your SS to really understand the gravity of having an absent mother, but the time he reaches his early teens things will come to light.
You definitely should go to the party. She may not show up. I think your husband should file for CS from the woman. She has a moral obligation to support him, not just when she feels like it. Odds are, she will completely disappear in a few years.
Thank you for all your
Thank you for all your support and good words.
@SanAntonioSoccerMom...I hope she will disappear meaning she will just give up on her own.
And oh...she will show up. She has already announced her participation to the party.
I am so sick of all this show.
That is ridiculous. It is
That is ridiculous. It is going to affect her because it affects the child that lives in her home 100% of the time, the child that she is raising, and the child that she financially supports 100%. It is not nearly that blase.
And I would also like to add that my stepkids are my kids. I raised them, bathed them,fed them, cared for them, paid for everything, done everything for them except birth them. They talk like me, have my mannerisms, opinions, love the same foods as I do, have the same expectation I do, etc. My situation is really no different from an adoption other than a piece of paper from the courts...
My stepson is my son as well.
My stepson is my son as well. And I will argue anyone who says he isn't. He didn't grow in my stomach but he grew in my heart.
Very true.
Very true.
Yeah...show up when it is
Yeah...show up when it is convenient for her.
I so disagree with funblend.
I so disagree with funblend. (sorry) lol
I normally think the same way. BUUUT...silver is rasiing this kid FULL TIME because BM does not want to. BM does not pay nor see the kid. So I think Silver is way more of a mom the him than BM.
BM needs to be booted from the picture or get her crap together and at least, really help raise "her" child. KWIM?
Exactly. That is why dad
Exactly. That is why dad needs for file for CS. If she wants to play mommy, she can play mommy every month on the 1st when child support is due.
Ladies, Thank you very much
Ladies,
Thank you very much for your support.To be honest, my husband needs to do file for child support. We have discussed it, but we are scared that she is going to bring her games to the table like she has done it in the past. Claiming abuse in the short period she lived with my husband before he and I even met. She is not going to claim any abuse now because it is not the case anymore. But she will find something else to evade paying child support.
And, yes, I am raising him and paying for him from food to health care. With my husband's help, of course.