Well, happy early birthday to ya! And when DH asks you what you want to do for your birthday? Tell him! If you want to go out to dinner and a movie, just the two of you, he should respect that and want to make that happen for you.

The skids are old enough to stay home alone for a few hours (unless they're totally untrustworthy and irresponsible) or have DH get a family member or a trusted babysitter so he can take YOU out for YOUR special day!

The kids shouldn't HAVE to be included in your birthday celebration. Let him know this. And if he can't muster a few hours alone with you to do as you want then you have to ask yourself a major question: Do you want to continue life this way or?????

I hope it all works out for your birthday and you have a great time!

What I would do, I reckon, is say 'OK, let's go daytime and have the portrait taken, eat something with the kids AND THEN you and I (DH) can go and do something on our own afterwards'.
I hear you with wanting time on your own too, your DH needs to cut himself some slack from the kids! What was your first date? How about doing that again? Tell DH that it brings you such good memories that you want to repeat them...even create some new ones? That should set his brain in motion to get a sitter...right??

its your birthday so just say to him nicely i want to spend my birthDAY (whole day) with my husband.Get a baby sitter or ship them off somewhere! Just because your a SM doesnt mean you're being selfish, I know plenty of BM's that birthdays just want some peace and quiet without kids running around.
As for the other issues, yes I think DH's do see us as replacements. My DH is guilty of this too, lets create a lovely family portrait to everyone, I think we do this too well as no one on his side asks me how I feel about being a SM or if I want my own kids (god forbid!). It makes you sick at times that you are a replacement or as my DH has called me to his friend on the phone once 'upgrade'.WTF is wrong with them??

Look - even in intact families mom does not have to spend HER birthday taking care of the kids.

They shouldn't even need a babysitter at their ages. They are too old to need to be babied.

Do not feel selfish, there is nothing wrong with wanting to spend your birthday doing something without the kids.

If he wants to include the kids, perhaps you can have a small celebration at home with them and then you & your DH go and do something, just the two of you.

So, you're a Groundhog Baby? Me, too! SDs are grown, though, so not an issue.

First of all, Happy Early Birfday!

Secondly, no no no it is not selfish!!! my bday just passed and sure as heck told fdh that I wanted to have a day alone with him. I did feel a LITTLE bad but it passed when I was having a fun day with fdh. You focus every other day focused on skid-take a day for yourself. ::Hugs::

I'm a BM as well as a SM. It's not selfish to want your birthday to be about you. What do you do for DH's birthday? As hard as it is, it would be a great opportunity for the Skids to see you being the center of attention for a change. If DH insists on the Skids coming along, also ask a few friends who will help entertain you while DH deals with HIS kids. Pick a restaurant with a bar. If their behavior gets awful, give DH a peck on the cheek and take your friends to the bar! "Honey, while you deal with this, friends and I are going to grab a drink." After the dinner, say, "Honey, this wasn't at all what I pictured for my birthday dinner. The skids were (insert specific behaviors). Why don't we go to dinner ALONE tomorrow?"

I'm reading "Babyproof Your Marriage"...it's mostly for parents with infants, but they do encourage Date Nights, Husband Training Weekends and Birthdays/Anniversaries without the kids.

Enjoy your birthday and tell your husband out loud that you want to spend the day without the kids. You deserve a break. It is not always about the kids, biological or step.

Happy Birthday! I hope you enjoy it any way you want! It is your day and you get to enjoy, so do whatever you'd like and no it is not selfish!

I haven't read all of the comments, so I may be repeating what someone else says. I don't think you're selfish at all. You shouldn't feel that way! Maybe you could tell DH you want to make it a date night. Maybe if you word it like that, it won't seem like you're trying to exclude the SKs. I think it's perfectly fine for just the 2 of you to go out, but obviously DH doesn't. That's why I said "exclude the SKs." Maybe the whole family could have cake and ice cream together and that way DH would get his picture perfect family.

This is what bugs me. If you were the REAL mother, DH wouldn't think you were selfish at all. How come a real mom can say she needs some alone time or needs a night out and it's no big deal. But if a STEP mom says it, she's looked at negatively. Luckily my DH is very understanding, so I don't have to deal w/ this, but I come across it a lot on this site.

I'd like to see an update. I'm curious as to how the bday turned out. Youngstepmomm25, if you check back, please let us know what happened. Thanks.

That sounds about like my luck, DH actually do the right thing and send skid away so I can have the bday I deserve and then get sick with the flu. You poor thing. I would do a make up night alone when you are not sick. You deserve it.