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Skids effecting Sex Life

Smomof3's picture

Submitted by Smomof3 on Tue, 02/12/2013 - 9:52am

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Ok, maybe this is out there, but my DH doesn't want to have sex with the kids in the house. Honestly, he doesn't want to period because he's been in a depressed funk since he learned that his little princess is actually a narcissistic monster.

Our marriage is on the brink and he has begun treating me aweful in front of the skids, we have no intimacy, and he's constantly looking for an arguement.

I knwo it's not the kids fault, but the treatment happens more frequently when they are present.

Anyone else have problems like this?

HarleyQuinn's picture

Submitted by HarleyQuinn on Tue, 02/12/2013 - 9:56am

OMG yes, read my other posts. Its unbelievable how they think they can speak to you like sh*t in front of skids, things they should never even say to yu as their wife.
After watching a 6yr old drape themselves over you, they hardly look appealing do they?!

Personally, I think my DH acts worse when skids are there becasue he doesnt want to deal with the situaton of having to split between the 2, kids or wife, even though I do not put him in that situation. But DH gets no alone time and just cannot cope, and whos there to take it out on, loyal wife-coz she can take anything!

HarleyQuinn's picture

Submitted by HarleyQuinn on Tue, 02/12/2013 - 9:57am

OMG yes, read my other posts. Its unbelievable how they think they can speak to you like sh*t in front of skids, things they should never even say to yu as their wife.
After watching a 6yr old drape themselves over you, they hardly look appealing do they?!

Personally, I think my DH acts worse when skids are there becasue he doesnt want to deal with the situaton of having to split between the 2, kids or wife, even though I do not put him in that situation. But DH gets no alone time and just cannot cope, and whos there to take it out on, loyal wife-coz she can take anything!

SMof2's picture

Submitted by SMof2 on Tue, 02/12/2013 - 10:01am

My husband too refuses to be intimate when the SKIDS are over. I'm like, but its ok for them to lie in and be all up in our bed (these two are 10 and 12 not little babies). Whatever I just role with it and give what he gives. Now although it has gotten better in the beginning he would pick fights right before the SKIDS would come over. When he realized this after I brougt to his attention he has worked on this...Its stress and all the anxiety around the SKIDS....LOL.
Now the intimacy thing is changing and so is the fight picking. How long have you been married? I think there is an adjustment period with all of this stuff. And for some it takes years.

TASHA1983's picture

Submitted by TASHA1983 on Tue, 02/12/2013 - 10:10am

That is BEYOND fucked up...I would NEVER put up with that or let that slide!!! Especially when he had his brats!!!

My BF doesn't care one bit...I know this might be bad to some but one day my BF wanted me so bad that he paid his kid 10.00 to go into another room so him and I could get it on. Biggrin

TASHA1983's picture

Submitted by TASHA1983 on Tue, 02/12/2013 - 11:25am

God forbid!!!!

Because a man that won't even touch you or acknowledge you when his kids are around is SOOO much better right????

SMof2Girls's picture

Submitted by SMof2Girls on Tue, 02/12/2013 - 1:06pm

Paying your child to leave a room so you can have sex is pretty bad by most people's standards .. issues that exist in a marriage, whether it be intimacy, scheduling, lack of time, or otherwise, should be handled between adults.

And on the extreme end of things, if you tell a kid to leave your room so you can have some privacy, they should just do it. You shouldn't have to bribe a kid to obey you.

Just my two cents.

TASHA1983's picture

Submitted by TASHA1983 on Tue, 02/12/2013 - 3:57pm

I agree they should just do it, but for some reason BF gave him money I really don't know why but probably because my BF lives in an apartment with a room mate and that would be the only way we could have privacy is for the kid to leave his room. There was no "bribe" he just told him he would give him 10.00. :?

dledden's picture

Submitted by dledden on Tue, 02/12/2013 - 4:05pm

Sad thing is, this is how he is forced to live after the crotch dropping BM, with her 5 kids with 4 different men is it? gets his $930/mo. I would never in my lifetime ever give that child a single PENNY for anything. I'd just tell him "go outside and play, kid"....

StickAFork's picture

Submitted by StickAFork on Tue, 02/12/2013 - 1:11pm

You're only looking at the two opposite ends of the continuum. There's a whole big space in the middle.

I have and have had plenty of sex with bios and steps in my home. The garage, the bathroom, the bedroom...all sorts of places and lots of times.
I have never, and would never, send my child away so I could get laid. It sends the wrong message, IMO.

I've come to realize a great many of the "parents" written about on this site are insanely selfish and should never have had children in the first place. IMO.

TASHA1983's picture

Submitted by TASHA1983 on Tue, 02/12/2013 - 4:02pm

You make it sound like, IMO, that he told the kid to leave the room so we could have sex. Not the case if that is what you are thinking/assuming. So I guess I am not seeing what "wrong message" he is sending to his son. But to each their own. Smile

I agree, many shouldn't have had children, but a great many of those children that they are "parents" to were NOT planned or a result of BC failures of some sort so I guess blame God or whatever higher power you believe in for giving them children.

And as always your "opinions" are much appreciated SAF.

Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Tue, 02/12/2013 - 10:30am

I have been with my DH for 10 years, and have had the SKIDs EOW - I don't think we have EVER had sex when they have been here. We are both too wired and stressed. I imagine if you are custodial you have to find a way round this or it is the end of the relationship. :?

buterfly_2011's picture

Submitted by buterfly_2011 on Tue, 02/12/2013 - 11:25am

When Skids come to our home there is no sex life. For that weekend or holiday or spring break I don't even get touched. And when summer comes and they are here for 8 weeks........... yep you guessed it goodbye sex life.

dledden's picture

Submitted by dledden on Tue, 02/12/2013 - 11:41am

That's just totally so messed up. My skid lives with me. I'd never have sex EVER if dh acted this way!!!

RedWingsFan's picture

Submitted by RedWingsFan on Tue, 02/12/2013 - 11:47am

SD14 tried this bullshit. DH shut her down immediately. She was a classic mini wife and HATED any type of affection shown between her father and I. Always butted in with the "my DADDY" kind of thing.

Funny but true story right here:

SD demanded that DH and I never have sex while she was over for her EOW visits or she'd refuse to come over. He asked her if she heard anything? She said "No, but I know you have sex with HER and I want it stopped while I'm over or I'm just moving in with mom". So he said "go pack your bags. I'm NOT going to change my relationship just because YOU demand me to. Do you honestly think your mother and I never had sex when we were together your whole life?" She said "my mom wouldn't do that to me". HA! He got BM on the phone, put her on speaker and asked her flat out - "BM, when we were married and after SD was born, did we continue to have sexual relations in the same house where SD resided?" She said "yes, why?" Well, SD's eyes got as big as baseballs and she shook her head in disbelief. HOW COULD MOM DO THAT TO ME???????

Yeah, it's always all about you SD. ALWAYS!

RedWingsFan's picture

Submitted by RedWingsFan on Tue, 02/12/2013 - 11:55am

Yes, because it would hurt her poor little feelings! It's alllllll about her, don't ya know?

Step-Volgirl's picture

Submitted by Step-Volgirl on Wed, 02/13/2013 - 8:22am

Well, I know my mom and dad had sex only 2 times - and lucky for them they conceived kids each time! Wink

No one wants to think about their parents having a sex life! But to actually have the nerve to demand that you not have sex!?!?!? I'm just glad that your DH put SD in her place!

TASHA1983's picture

Submitted by TASHA1983 on Tue, 02/12/2013 - 11:53am

Wow!!! The fucking NERVE of that spoiled, selfish, entitled little c*** even thinking that she could ever demand or make her father STOP having sex with the woman he is with and loves!!! Any "man" who WOULD do that just because of their kids isn't even worthy of having a d*** IMHO!!!

RedWingsFan's picture

Submitted by RedWingsFan on Tue, 02/12/2013 - 11:59am

Oh that happened after he and I had moved in together.

The best part was a few months into our relationship when she called a "family" meeting between her, DH and BM because she wasn't happy with him kissing me or holding my hand in front of her!

Oh and get this - poor DH in all his stupid, Disney dad, my daughter rules me kind of way actually told me we needed to "cool it" with the PDA around SD! She was TWELVE and because SHE demanded he stop, he had to stop! I almost lost my shit right there. I did tell him that I was just oh so happy that his TWELVE YEAR OLD CHILD and his EX WIFE were happy with how OUR relationship needed to change. *I*, however; was not. And if he actually thought he'd find a woman worth her salt that would allow a CHILD and an EX WIFE to rule their relationship, he was crazy. I told him good luck with that and promptly left his apartment.

He called and texted and freaked out thinking he'd lost me for good. Then marched right back over to BM's and laid down the law. No one was telling him what to do anymore dammit. Had he not done that and stuck to it, I never would've returned.

Mind you, she also dictated what we watched on TV, what we ate for dinner, the places we were "allowed" to go, and whether or not DH could even date! She demanded him to take down his dating profiles online the very day I sent him an email otherwise we never would've met.

Yeah, that's how much power this little girl had over her parents. Oh and she told BM she wasn't allowed to date until she was 18 and out of BM's house...yeah uh huh. SURE!

TASHA1983's picture

Submitted by TASHA1983 on Tue, 02/12/2013 - 12:43pm

WOW!!! Now THAT is FUCKED UP!!!

And we both know how THAT went with getting BM not to date until she was 18 and out of the house...LMAO. I SERIOUSLY feel deep, deep sympathy for ANY MAN that gets involved with that awful brat when she starts dating!!! Hopefully they will tell her to go F herself and put HER in her place!!! }:)

RedWingsFan's picture

Submitted by RedWingsFan on Tue, 02/12/2013 - 1:01pm

Hell, she's already had a pregnancy scare (last year at age 13), has sexted her boyfriend, phone sex with him, oral sex in her mother's BACKYARD at 4AM, given him hand jobs, you name it. Following in dear mommy's footsteps and starting early!

TASHA1983's picture

Submitted by TASHA1983 on Tue, 02/12/2013 - 1:05pm

WTF is wrong with girls/women these days??!!! (Most, not all Smile )

Good grief...I didn't have my first real kiss until I was in HS!!!

RedWingsFan's picture

Submitted by RedWingsFan on Tue, 02/12/2013 - 1:14pm

And the funniest thing was when I first met DH and SD when she was 12, she had this little innocent act going on and would blush if the word "sex" was even spoken. She'd act all shy and say "daddy stop saying that word, it's embarrassing" and yet not even 6 mos later, she was sounding so disgusting on the phone with her boyfriend, my daughter kicked her out of their shared room!!!! Her excuse for phone sex at 13? "well, you won't let me see him anymore since we got caught together so this is the only way I can get him off"...

:sick:

buterfly_2011's picture

Submitted by buterfly_2011 on Tue, 02/12/2013 - 11:50am

My SD demanded that while she was here on their visits that DH go stay at his moms with them. And no affection is to be shown to me at all. Can't sit next to me. Can't hold my hand. Can't do anything. In fact he would go as far as to sit on the damn floor instead of next to me on the couch......... F'n assnine.