Ugh! Now my husband is going to match his ex at sd's softball games
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The ex-wife kept right on until she talked my husband into getting softball shirts with "XXXX's Mom" and "XXXX's Dad" on them. My husband asked me if I wanted to put "XXXX's Stepmom" on mine. I told him maybe he should put "Wicked Stepmother" on it.
I am thoroughly pissed that he is going to match his ex-wife at the ballgames. I got a shirt, left it blank, but I don't even want to go to the stupid ballgames now.
In my husband's defense, I didn't speak up at the time and tell him it bothered me. After I told him, he said he didn't think of it like that and he would have just left his blank, too, had he known. Unfortunately, it's too late for that now.
Why can't he go without
Why can't he go without wearing the softball T Shirt? In fact why don't you both wear matching T-shirts or tops that are the same colour? you will have the 'united' front with him and will want to go to the soft ball game and he still gets to see his kid play with you by his side. Of course EW won't be happy but that's neither yours or his concern.
Echo, I agree with you that
Echo, I agree with you that parents do and should talk to each other on occasion but the OP stated that BM kept after him until he relented.
That seems to me like more than occasional conversation.
I think that the BM is just trying to pull a stunt to isolate the Step MOM and appear to have the happy family in public. If this was so innocent why didn't BM offer for SM to have one made also?
I have seen this over and over where BM's seem to like appearing in public as the happy family and isolating the SM.
:sick:
I do agree that her and DH should get matching shirts though.
The BM owes Katie not one
The BM owes Katie not one damn thing. But her husband sure does and HE is the one who failed here.
^^^TRUE.
Epic husband fail! On the
Epic husband fail!
On the other hand, I certainly wouldn't have WANTED my exhusband to wear a matching shirt with me. Then again, I'm not into the wearing of my lineage on my clothing.
but to have such influence on
but to have such influence on each other is a bit much! "We are going to be all matchy matchy" you HAVE to agree is a bit much... I would not be ok with SO and BM being THAT close.
^^^^ EXACTLY!!!
Big AGREE from me as well. He
Big AGREE from me as well. He needs to stop letting her bug him. He does not have to engage in these conversations, and I would be DAMNED before my DH wore a matching skid mark's Mom skid mark's Dad shirt....puke. Just because he has the shirt does NOT mean he has to wear it and I would be adamant about that, well, no, I would just throw it away, but that is just me.
Just because the relationship
Just because the relationship didn't wipiork doesn't mean the parents should never speak to each other.
It has to be exhausting doing all you can to keep you SO from speaking to his ex.
I think it depends on the
I think it depends on the conduct of the EX whether or not, how far and how much the parents should speak.
If the EX/BM is cordial to the SM, knows her place, doesn't try to cause problems and doesn't try to inch her way in with the DH/SO that is different.
Some BM's you are better off just to keep your distance from for the sake of YOUR family and marriage.
Echo, I agree with you that
Echo, I agree with you that the SM's should not HAVE to deal with BM's.
Unfortunely, some DH's are not all that comfortable dealing with BM either or they are just too relenting when it comes to her.
My DH has gotten a lot better through the years but I have had to insist on some boundaries because of BM's behavior. I wish I could say that DH did it all on his own but he didn't.
IMO, The main thing is to work as a team for your marriage.
Some of us just aren't as lucky as you!
**EDITED TO ADD** that I do believe that the boundaries drawn should come out of the DH's mouth to BM not SM's.
but I do not accept him
but I do not accept him choosing to not deal with BM b/c it is too hard, too icky, or too whatever....
^^^ THIS. but that is exactly what they (DH/SO's) do when they let BM's "call all the shots" because they have children together.
If she calls they answer. If she text they answer. If she comes over they let her in. If she wants/needs more money they give it. If SK needs something they give it because BM said so. If BM says talk to the teacher/coach they do it. If BM says we need to communicate they communicate. If BM says do it this way, that is the way they do it. If she wants to control when and how much contact they let her.
That is their way of not dealing with her! I know this because I have one of those DH's...
until I told him it was time he got his balls out of her hand!
How did you do that? There's
How did you do that? There's NO way my BF (of 9 years) would let me tell him how to deal with his 2 teenage daughters and their POS mother. Any advice would be great!
^^ Exactly. I'm not the one
Well, that depends on your
Well, that depends on your taste. I wonder what styles of T-shirts that you are mentioning about.
Bernie T-Shirt: http://berniesandersforpresident2016tshirt.com/
Hillary T-shirt: http://hillaryclinton2016tshirt.com/
Video Bernie: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgDCBAL2T6c
Video Hillary: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OyAmfZflBXY
Video Ted: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k56amLw-SPA
I will say that we have to
I will say that we have to choose our battles - not saying this isn't an issue to be addressed. But sometimes the issue isn't shirts or booths, there is some underlying principle that you and DH need to understand and agree on...and once you are rock solid in those principles, this specific stuff becomes either easier, not an issue, or it is obvious for you and DH how it will be handled.
^^^ LIke this. sometimes it IS the underlying principle...
TOTALLY do the XXXX'x WICKED
TOTALLY do the XXXX'x WICKED STEPMOM tee, that would be HILARIOUS!
This is exactly why SM's get
This is exactly why SM's get a bad rap/name.
We can't win for losing.
Because DH didn't use his head and think ahead. He just assumed that BM wanted him to wear the shirt for their DD but maybe in reality she is still in love with DH and just wanted to appear to be the happy family and/or isolate SM.
So now if DH doesn't wear the shirt BM will make sure to let DD know it is because of SM.
If DH does wear it (for the DD) then BM got what she wanted.
I think BM is definitely
I think BM is definitely trying to isolate you and make you feel like an outsider. You and your DH should not allow that. Why the hell would him and his ex wear matching shirts? Oh god, I can’t even imagine! That is very inappropriate of the ex and it sounds like she needs to be put in her place asap!
I have been a parent, Coach,
I have been a parent, Coach, and now athletic trainer for many years now. It is very common for parents to wear team shirts/shirts with their child's name on it. I never once wonderd if the parents were married or divorced, never thought about it actually, will pay closer attention this weekend at soccer. At the end of the day BM is the child's mother and your husband is the child's father. If they want to wear team tshirts with his name on it supporting the child, then why not? I bet they won't be the only parents at the game with team shirts on.
Wearing team shirts with the
Wearing team shirts with the kids LAST NAME on it is one thing. Wearing a shirt that says "SKIDS MOM" " SKIDS DAD" is another entirely.
Wearing team shirts with the
Wearing team shirts with the kids LAST NAME on it is one thing. Wearing a shirt that says "SKIDS MOM" " SKIDS DAD" is another entirely.
^^^ EXCELLENT POINT!
^^THIS^^
^^THIS^^
I disagree, if she is
I disagree, if she is SUPPORTING her child on the field she has EVERY RIGHT as that childs mother to wear her CHILDS LAST NAME on her shirt.
You are a bio Mom, so I see
You are a bio Mom, so I see why you feel like you do. But, in my situation, BM is a raging lunatic bitch from Hell, remarried to a new beard, has his last name. I think it would be very strange for her to wear a shirt with our last name on it when she carries another man's last name now. In situations like this, and I have seen it done, it would be far more appropriate to wear a shirt with #23's Mom and leave it at that.
what a strange thing for BM
what a strange thing for BM to suggest... how do you get along with her otherwise? This whole thing feels very manipulative to me... this is bizarre-o and obviously hurtful to you, why would she suggest such a thing unless to be hurtful towards you or assert some control or influence over your husband?
The "Wicked stepmother" shirt idea made me laugh.
But in all honesty he need to not wear the f-ing shirt.
The shirt could accidentally
The shirt could accidentally fall into a sink of bleach.
If BM is concerned that people won't know which child & ex belong to her, she could just pee on them & people can sniff them out.
I can't believe he agreed to this.
I think that with the
I think that with the situation,it might not be the best idea. I think that you all wearing the team color and having sd's face on the shirt would be a good idea. but it might send wrong signals to everyone. The kids, sd, the parents there, everyone who doesn't know the family dynamics ate going to just assume that bm is dh's wiFe. And that's exactly what bm wants. Wearing team colors, cheering for the team, all that's fine. But I think that matching the ex is over the top. Yes it's one thing to say, I'm sd's mom, I'm sd's dad. But to coordinate outfits to match with the parent of your child implicates that you are together, so people would just assume.
DH and my experience this
DH and my experience this past fall was SS9 playing football. You could buy a sweatshirt with the team logo on the front and then the kids number on the back. You had an option for a name on the back as well. ........BM (only an X-girlfriend mind you, never married to DH) gets a sweatshirt for SS9, puts his last name on it and then gets one for herself, with that last name on it. I have kids in sports too and I would never put my ex's name on a shirt. I would leave it as my kids number or I would put my kids first name.
I completely feel that BMs try to make things look as if there is a "happy family" and try to disassociate the SM.
My DH thought she was completely ridiculous also. Not only did she wear it to the games for SS9, but she wears it regularly.......