Doctor appointments
So my divorce decree states I am to email the father on the 1st of every month for any regular doctor appointments or parent teacher conferences. In the last 6 months they have had 1 parent teacher conference that was scheduled 2 days before hand in the middle if the month and no regular doctor appointments. Counseling appointments are set through txt with counselor normally same week. Our son had a dental expander (father was notified when it was scheduled and pay his half so he knows all about this, it required weekly than bi weekly appointments but I never emailed more about it because it was already talked about). There has been one emergency room visit for our daughter who split her chin open and no I didn't notify dad.
I have sole legal custody judge just wanted father informed of regular appointments and yes it says in the court paper work regular doctors appointments and parent teacher conferences by the 1st of the month.
So their BF says he is going to file contempt of court against me for not following the court order. Mind you, I have a restraining order against dad and we are to only email about the children. I relieved an email from dad stating as of March 15th it has been 6 months since he has received an email regarding doctors appointments or school information. That's really trying to makes this co-parenting thing work and that's a mom putting her children first!! Okay, so one, I believe it to be a violation of the peaceful contact through email only, 2, it seems like the only reason it was sent was to try to start a fight ( I didn't respond). 3, he has been sent copies of report cards by the school, so I don't see there being anything wrong on my part.
I follow the court order as it was explained to me and limit all my contact with bf. So fellow step talkers, am I missing something here??
All emails he sends to me and
All emails he sends to me and I send to him are in a saved folder. I keep everything because he does this all the time. Thanks!!!
Totally agree with Foxie on
Totally agree with Foxie on this one. He is just making threats and still trying to bully you. With his record, I doubt any judge would agree that you are in contempt. He is just a bully...plain and simple. I was married to my ex for 17 years. He had no idea who the kids doctors, dentist, teachers, tutors, etc were. He had no idea what their medical issues were.
Her divorce decree states she
Her divorce decree states she is to email the father the first of every month for any regular doctor appointments or parent teacher conferences. With her ex's background, I'm sure he would find a way to bully her if she sent an email saying "no appointments". Also, I get confused on this site. Most of the time everyone on here tells people to only do what is stated in the decree, but then all of sudden someone tells them to do something that is not required. The decree did not say she had to send an email if nothing was going on.
I have to agree. An email
I have to agree. An email stating, "No apts or conferences scheduled for the month of X". However, unless your lawyer tells you not to, I'd invlude everything - even things he's already aware of it (like the dental expander) - just to cover my a$$.
DH has joint custody with his
DH has joint custody with his exW and she STILL thinks this way. He's LUCKY to get a quick text or email the morning of an appointment telling him she's taking him. He has to fight for anything else (doctor information, appointment results, etc).
I think the dad has a right to know what's going on with his kids .. I know if SD5 or SD6 had an emergency room visit for a split chin and BM never told DH .. he would be PISSED. And rightfully so, IMO.
But like I said, DH also has joint custody. BM doesn't have a right to do anything non-emergency without his consent.
Thanks Foxie!! I pray for the
Thanks Foxie!!
I pray for the day their dad is more interested in them than he is getting back at me for leaving. He is the man that told my kids when SO and I got together that SO took me Away from daddy. I had left 9 months prior. And had been trying to leave my abusive marriage for 4 years.
This is the man that with both kids sitting in his car watching windows down got in my face and told me he should kick my fucking ass.
This is the man that broke my $4000 laptop I had just bought for school by pulling our son off my lap by his arm and scaring both kids. This is the man that walked in my house before the restraining order and threatened my boss who was there with the kids right there.
No, I don't try to push him out. He needs to worry more about the kids and less about me. I have a judge, a court appointment attorney, and their counselor saying he is one issue away from loosing even visitation with his children.
Co- parenting!!! HA
He would have to had ever taken the to the doctor before I left. Same DAD that has NEVER taken his kids to a doctor, dentist, first day of school, tutoring, counseling appointment. They were 5, and 7 when I left him, had the same dentist for 3 years at the point. He couldn't even tell you where it is. Married to him I worked part time went to school full time, took kids to school, daycare, always made dinner, feed them. The first weekend he had the kids he sent out son back covered in excema because he doesn't know what soap and laundry soap to use for him. Lived with the kid for 5 years but has no clue. Told our daughter I love my SO daughter more than her.
Told our kids I am a whore, and my SO is worthless. Hmmm worthless man that pays me to watch his kid so I can stay home and homeschool our son?? Worthless man that has covered me for a year and a half because BF isn't paying all his child support?? Worthless man that always puts my kids ahead of his own wants??
I have a question for you.
I have a question for you. You say dad shouldn't have to call doctors or schools?? So only mom has to call to for information, do all the background work and than should hand it all over to dad?? Why shouldn't dad put as much effort into as mom has to??
Not saying that BM has to put
Not saying that BM has to put in all the legwork, but in our case, BM has primary custody of the skids over 1600 miles away (temporarily).
She refuses to provide any information directly, even though she is CO'd to share all documentation related to skids. It is a royal pain in the a$$ to call/email teachers every few weeks for status updates and report cards because BM just won't tell you anything. She already has the information! All she has to do is relay it to DH!
Same with doctors. She willfully withholds doctor information and appointments from DH. He finds out after the fact. After she told DH she started SD6 on a completely new asthma treatment plan, which upped her exsiting medication and added 2 more, DH had to call the hospital records office and have them research to find the name of the doctor SD6 saw.
So yeah, dad should put in just as much effort .. but it's not equal when BM is intentionally making it difficult.
Sorry .. this turned into more of a vent about my own situation
Okay, I understand everyone's
Okay, I understand everyone's view points. With the restraining order in place, bf isn't even allowed to know my address. Judge told him so 3 times, so he send me an email that I am playing games and keeping him from sending his kids Christmas presents. All my fault, no personal fault of his own as to why he can't have my address.
No, sorry, it is not let dad know of all doctors appointments or even ER visits. It is court ordered parents will maintain peaceful communication to facilate bf fathers visitation. Mother is to email father by the first of the month or regular doctor appointments.
Restraining order states he is not to even approach me at pick up brought off's. we are to have minimal contact. He is not to email me unless it is peaceful contact about his weekend. So I do believe it is a violation of the order for him to even email me about me not emailing him.
When the order was first put in place I emailed him everything they were doing.
I would get emails back that we're 3 pages long about how stupid their counselor is, why is our son in karate, how horrorible of a mother I am. So honestly I minimize all contact between him and I. I email him what I was told to. Regular doctor appointments and parent teacher tha are in place by the 1st of the month. I am not ordered to even allow him access to report card, the school had me sign permission to let him get them. He has no legal right to them, medical information or to make any legal decisions on them. If he takes them to the ER without me, he has violated his order. And has been told this by the judge.
Let me make this a little clearer. Our son had nose bleeds. BF told our son to tell me to take him to take him to the doctor. I called the doctor, looked them up online, and talked with my SO who has been a paramedic for 20 yrs. all told me there were anterior nose bleeds that are caused by dry air and picking your nose. Had my son sit in steam for a week once a night and worked on him picking his nose. No need to run to the doctor. Well BF asked kid, kids said I did all that and SO looked at it and he is fine. bad said no moms SO is not a doctor he is paid to bandaid people. Your mom is stupid and needs to take you to the doctor. Kid is upset. I get an email from dad that I am a horrible mother. I am denieing kids medical treatment and he is going to take them away. Mind you, nose bleeds have stopped at the point. I never responded other than to say please don't discuss this with our son.
So yep, I take the court order word for word and ONLY do what it tells me to. I am my children's mother and will do what is best for them weather it is best for dad or not. And NO we are NOT to be co- parenting.
Hmmm, I am not sure if I can
Hmmm, I am not sure if I can provide a email on appointments that happened after the first. If I could only explain how he fights over everything!!
I try to follow the court order completely because he can actually use me contacting him as a reason to say the restraining order is crap. But it is a great idea!!!! I'll talk with the court house clerks and see if that is a good idea!!!
Thank you
Yes, after having been a step mom to his daughter for 10 years, I know it is sooo hard to see clearing and be promom!! He has lost ALL legal say so, medical power, education decisions.. Everything. I am doing what I feel is right by letting him contact the school for report cards. Even that has back fired a little. We have a daughter with a learning issue. She gets special help, she is in 4th grade but is at a 2nd/3rd level. She works her butt off and this year raised reading from a 1.6-2.2 to 2.7-3.5. He sees her 1's one her report card and gives her crap. Yes, she is below grade level... But don't kick the kid!!! She has raise all of her testing a full grade level this year!!! That should be more important that anything!!!!!
I am not trying to keep dad out as so many stepmoms see biomoms do. I am doing what I feel is best for the kids with a verbally and emotionally abusive dad. It is sooo hard. Everything I do, he yells at them.
So I get that you aren't
So I get that you aren't going to have a nice little chat with your ex via email. That's fine. Keep it strictly "business". But what is the harm in sending an email on the 1st of EVERY month? On most months it is a form letter "no appointments scheduled this month. Thank you." Then you are following the order AND he has one less thing to pick at you about.
Is there a reason you couldn't do that?
No. Nothing wrong with doing
No. Nothing wrong with doing that. I have thought of it. But haven't done it, so my question would be to cover my own ass, should I email him no scheduled appointments at this time?? So he can't say later I lied because on such and such date they went to counseling?? I have all the texts with counselor to show they are made same week.
You have another kid & are
You have another kid & are not married & your "SO" supports you & your kids so that you can homeschool new joint kid?
I just want to make sure I read that right.
He broke your $4k laptop? Alien-ware digital media systems aren't even $4k.
You make every counselor appointment via text, the same week?
I'm wondering why noone has jumped on you for this stuff yet.
4k laptop 2 years ago when I
4k laptop 2 years ago when I left BF. I had a Sony Vio and had the memory upgrades and all that stuff. And no, the very same laptop doesn't cost the same today
No, you didn't read it right. I have my 2 kids with BF. SO has his 1. No we aren't married. SO works 12 hour shifts over night, and pays me rather than a daycare to watch his kid to make it possible for me to homeschool my son with BF. DS7 is suppose to be in 2 grade, he is almost done with 3rd. Schools couldn't help advance him until he can take the gifted and talented test in 4th grade.
Jump all over me if you feel me doing what is best for my son is wrong. Please go for it
So he's a jerk, he's a bad
So he's a jerk, he's a bad parent, he's so bad that you had an order of protection against him, sounds pretty awful.
Still, you're still not following the court order, no way around it.
One email a month is not that big of a deal. Just sent a monthly update to cover your ass. The order doesn't say that you have to respond to his harassing or insulting replies does it? So send the email and ignore the rest of what he has to say, until the next monthly update-- answer all questions in that email. One email a month. Not a big deal. If you don't know of exact appointments just give expected appointments at that time...
An aside, how can you possibly justify not informing him when his child had to be taken to the ER?
He sucks, the situation sucks. But you chose him as the parent of your children, now you have to deal with him and follow the order.
I know it's crappy, we deal with the same thing with BM, but it is what it is...
you have a responsibility to
you have a responsibility to keep him updated about his children. It seems like it's not as much about the exact date of appointments (since he can't just show up to appointments due to the order of protection I assume) but he has a right to know if his kid is still in therapy, if he or she is having a medical issue and how the kids are doing in school. Yes, it's about ass covering but it's also about behaving in a way that is dignified and respectable even if he doesn't deserve it. Don't you want to be able to look back on this some day and say, I did the right thing? I upheld my end of the bargin. Don't you want to be able to show your kids the emails one day when he accuses you of keeping them from him?
He may be trash, and awful. But your behavior is not ok, and it's not justified by how awful he is either.
I am not disagreeing with
I am not disagreeing with you. I am asking the question. I have been told flat out, my contact with him, 1 email a month by the 1st of all up coming appointments and parent/teacher conferences.
So if nothing is scheduled on the 1st, how am I violating the order??
Please stop judging me against your BM and see that I am trying to do what is right and figure out if I am wrong here.
I'm starting to think this
I'm starting to think this type of order is a judge's way of saying dad (or mom) is too stupid or lazy to figure out how to obtain information from his/her child"s teachers,doctors,coaches...As a result, the CP is tasked with doing the adult leg work then spoon feeding the info to the NCP.
The CP should be required to provide name and numbers of schools, doctors, coaches ... Any info beyond that should be the NCP's responsibility to obtain.
See this is the problem!! I
See this is the problem!! I don't refuse!! I am following my court order, in fact have gone above my order already and allowed him access to report cards. Yep, allowed him, he doesn't have the legal right to that information.
I am not your BM. I am not playing game or changing his info with the school. He LOST the right to legal custody.
Last time I checked regular doctor appointments means regular doctors appointments nothing more. Parent teacher conferences mean conferences, nothing more.
Sorry, he doesn't have a
Sorry, he doesn't have a right to make any decisions. He lost that right. So he CAnT take them to the doctors.
And yeh, if only you all knew. Sending him and email stating ANYTHING and he goes off.
I'm going to talk with the Family law office at the court house, he is the type to email me if I forget to email saying there are no appointments. I also have to keep in mind the restraining order
I do find it interesting that if I was posting in my stepmom role I would be told SO should do nothing that isn't ordered for him to do but posting as a BM I get told how it is the "right" thing to go above and beyond my order.
My original question is about the order and if I am following it.
I totally agree, the NCP
I totally agree, the NCP should be the one to initiate and access information on their own. If they want an update, they should have to send an email to ask. They should have ownership because so little of the parenting burden falls onto them.
However, sometimes it's not about what's right or just, sometimes it's about following the court order regardless how you feel about it. You have an ongoing legal obligation with your children's parent. If it were me I would suck it up and send the email, if nothing more than to protect myself from giving the other parent ammo for court.
Not to mention,it's the right thing for the skids. One day you might want to show the kids the emails to demonstrate that you did the right thing in supporting their relationship with their other parent. y(you know that deadbeat mothers or fathers always blame the other parent for their behavior)
My DH has to send monthly emails to BM, we're the custodial parents. We don't think about it in terms of it being "for BM" or about communicating with her. We think about it as fulfilling a legal obligation, nothing more. We're doing it for ourselves and for the kids-- protecting ourselves as the custodial parents and protecting the kids from ever having to go live with her if she attempted it. If BM ever wants to take us to court in the future (fat chance) she will have literally nothing to go on. It feels pretty good to know that, just something to consider.
I see why you would think
I see why you would think it's none of his damn business since he doesn't do anything for the kids and it sounds like he is just trying to continue controlling you even after you are no longer together. Typical controlling, posessive ex.
I think you should just send the monthly email to cover your own ass in court, but he deserves nothing more if he is abusive and not even in his kids' lives.
Thank you!! I really
Thank you!! I really appreciate the real help I did get. Yeh some comments went to far, but I guess they can only see through their own filter. This gets so sticky with the RO , trying to follow parenting plan and not put myself in a situation that looks like I trying to get him to violate the RO. Trying to do my best. Thought I was doing the right thing. I asked here because I had a comment made by a friend. Court says one thing, but it is soo hard to know.