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I don't want to be home when H comes home for lunch

doll faced sm's picture

Submitted by doll faced sm on Fri, 07/19/2013 - 9:23am

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We had an argument this morning which began with me being upset that H was using my filtered water bottle with the filter still in it to drink sweet tea and ended with me refusing to continue the argument after H started attacking me personally. It seems that what I do everyday doesn't count as cleaning. And I should be eternally grateful to H and never take issue with anything he says since his income is the only income right now (I haven't been able to find work since we moved). Before I say anything, I need to "recognize who the f*** [I'm] talking to." He kept trying to re-instigate the argument even as he was walking out the door.

I'm so mad that I don't want to clean just to get the point across to him. But then again, I really don't want my house to be dirty either. And if I am going to get it clean before he gets home for lunch so that I can be gone when he gets here, then I need to get on it. Except, I really don't want to . . . and round and round the thought process goes.

In the past, I've always used weekends to catch up on whatever has fallen behind during the week. Lately, that hasn't been an option every weekend since we haven't been here every weekend. This past weekend was one of those weekends we weren't here.

But really, the water bottle and the state of the house isn't why I'm upset. I'm upset because any time H and I argue, he always goes for the jugular. He doesn't stay on-topic and argue about what the issue is. Absolutely anything that's bothering him is used as a weapon for attack. *I'm* the issue. *I'm* worthless. And I'm tired of living like that.

just.his.wife's picture

Submitted by just.his.wife on Fri, 07/19/2013 - 9:27am

Before I say anything, I need to "recognize who the f*** [I'm] talking to."

Answer: My ex husband.

Your DH needs a quick reminder that he can be easily replaced by a small piece of plastic and a AA battery.

christinen's picture

Submitted by christinen on Fri, 07/19/2013 - 9:50am

^^^^^ Yes! Hahahaha!

I am sorry you are going through this but it definitely sounds like your DH needs a wake up call!

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Fri, 07/19/2013 - 9:43am

Before I say anything, I need to "recognize who the f*** [I'm] talking to."

Answer: My ex husband.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
BWHAHAHA!! ^^^

I am amazed at the total amount of shit that some of the SM's on here put up with from their husbands.

just.his.wife's picture

Submitted by just.his.wife on Fri, 07/19/2013 - 9:52am

I am amazed as well. And I do not understand putting up with it. It does not compute.

If my DH ever said something like that to me he would be gone.

My answer would have honestly been " I am talking to a DICK. And an expensive one at that. You just convinced me to down grade. Pack your shit you just got replaced by whatever is on sale at spensers and a battery. Be gone by the time I get home."

tryingmom's picture

Submitted by tryingmom on Fri, 07/19/2013 - 10:14am

Nice bullying by your DH!

There are rules to disagreements and being nasty and lording over you is NOT acceptable. I was married to a man like that for far too long, it drains your soul and can create those scars on your very essence of being.

I'm sorry you are in this situation, please find a way for him to understand your feelings when he talks to you in this manner or find a way out. YOU are worth more than bullying!

doll faced sm's picture

Submitted by doll faced sm on Fri, 07/19/2013 - 11:09am

Yes, you're all correct.

The school year can't come soon enough. We need the time apart, or at least I do, to decide if I can really keep dealing with this. It only happens occasionally, but even occasionally is too often in my book. I think if he's willing to get counseling, that I'd want to at least keep trying.

We have a DD together, and someone here once said something that's stayed with me: when you make the decision to divorce the parent of your child, you've made the decision that your child will not have a normal life. And honestly, that's one of the reasons I've put up with as much as I have for as long as I have, but I'm done with it now. If he wants to fight dirty, fine, but he needs to find another sparring partner, because I'm out.

emotionaly beat up's picture

Submitted by emotionaly beat up on Sat, 07/20/2013 - 7:24am

When you make the decision to divorce the parent of the child you make the decision that your child will not have a normal life. Really.

Now ask yourself if you make the decision to stay, are you not making the decision to condemn your daughter to a life of having an unhappy mother who is being bullied and emotionally abused by her father. How "normal" is that.

Staying for the kids is really not fair to the kids. Who wants to live in an unhappy home. They get their ideas on now relationships work from their parents. Teaching them that this is how marriage is supposed to be is setting them up for failure in their own relationships later in life

Staying for the kids is a good excuse for the parents to not have to face their fears and strike out own their own. It saves the parents the embarrassment of having to tell family and friends the marriage failed, and of course in some cases it is also financially more secure. It is a good excuse and cover up for lots of things. But it is not healthy for the parents and by default the kids.

Your husband is way, way out of control here. He needs to reign in his temper and you need to be treated with respect. Your daughter needs to see you demand and receive respect n