I think you should pick your battles. If you ask them to stop emailing then they will move to another form of communication. Would you rather BM text him? It's more formal because it is an email communication whereas if it were texting, which is easy, it might increase more than 3 times a week. Honestly emailing it's probably a good way to communicate because it can be used in court. Phones calls are a lot harder to prove what you talked about. My ss2's BM calls almost every night to tell him goodnight (irritating) and text throughout the week for pictures and updates. I would give anything for them to just communicate 3 times a week through email.

Lawyers like txts and emails because its uncorrupted evidence.

Have you read the emails? That's not necessarily a crazy amount of communication but I can relate about noticing manipulation from BM. I smell that crap a mile away.

My DH does the same thing even though he knows BM is extremely manipulative. For us women it's a common tactic, our way of being competitive, to impose psychological warfare so of course we know. I wouldn't be surprised if your BM knows the emails drive you nuts, because if he's like my DH, he tells her--strictly for self ego stroking reasons. Or SD over hears and tells her mom.

If your DH says its about school he can prove it and let you read them. Even if its about SD (excluding household issues) I wouldn't fret about it. I think not knowing is what's driving you crazy.

I also wondered if you were privy to reading them? If not why not?

Email communication is so easy today I don't see 2 a week as being out of line just to confirm pick-up schedules and what's happening at school.

I do feel you, My SS is 21 and SD is 16 and there is still a lot of communication between BM and DH and I have had my belly full of it...mostly because the calls and texts rarely concerned the kids (which live(d) with us) and I have accepted my position with this and crazy as it sounds it's made my life a bit easier. I feel second sometimes sure, but it is what it is and DH just hides it now, but I always find out. Makes me insecure at times sure, but it just makes you have your own "secrets"...and no not another man, just shit I don't wanna talk about to him.

What helps me...I think, HMMM... if I were at a bar, party or restaurant or even a singles cruise...would I find her as competition
ANSWER: Nope I wouldn't, so I'm not going to compete with her over him either, if that's what he wants go back then and she may leave you again and it ain't my fault.

I speak about 3 times a year at most to my X....if I wanted to talk to him, we'd still be married. Plus, I got this mom thing, I don't need his input when he only sees the kids on occasion.

I think you should use your search engine like Google and use these key words to make a search: signs infidelity man

Watch for those signs. Until they appear I'd not worry about his emailing twice a week, emails that are open to you to read anytime you want from a man you say you trust without reservation.

I think it's DH's attitude towards the communication that would worry me, more than the content or the volume.

He pleads with me that it is so she doesn't get all pissy again and wage a new war.

Honestly if the kid is 14, 2-3 times a week seems very intrusive and obsessive to me. At 14, I agree with you - ask SD is an appropriate response. Or a general - I will let you know if there are issues during my visitation - then ignore.

Im a BM as well as a SM and I will say that I know my exes SO has an issue and is very insecure when we talk. I can't stand my ex but I can talk to him at work and he will be friendly enough but then I can tell when he gets home and is given lines from his girlfriend or she will cut him off on phone time. I think they are both ridiculous, my ex and I discuss my son only, there are no feelings there and its strictly business.

What is the content of the email? 14 or not they still need to discuss issues with their child. If she's flirtatious and tries to make it personal then I would limit the contact but if they are just discussing her, then I would let it go.

he doesn't have to understand, he just needs to cut it out. i'm having this problem with my dh now, his oldest kid is almost 18! i told him he'd better start forming his own relationships with those kids cause if he thinks i'm waiting until 12 year old is 18 (or longer!) for communication to die down, tell me now cause i'm not living through that. i'm thinking another year or so and he can pretty much communicate strictly with ss12. at 14 with no other kids in the house, contacting twice a week is excessive. i wouldn't tolerate it.

hmmmm I may talk to my ex once every 2 weeks at the most. Your DH should just respond to her the next time she oversteps and say something along the lines of, "we don't need to discuss anything unless its important info regarding SD" Im just trying to speak from the BM side even though I know theres different situations. If she's asking questions that are none of her business, then DH needs to address it.

My DHs DD is an adult so I would flip shit if they were talking still (BM). So I can see from your end that its annoying for an ex to talk to your DH, but its not her fault its your DHs fault. Also what is keeping the relationship cordial between him and BM, going to make her wage war for ?

His groveling and kissing ass is only going to make things worse, not better. If you want him to understand then flip the script and tell DH you need to call your ex and talk to him about the Cactus you guys purchased together, cause you noticed its dying. Your ex was the best at taking care of your cactus and you will be horribly upset if it dies. Then proceed to talk to your ex about other bullshit and plead with DH that its just till your cactus comes back to life.

When that little vein pops up on DHs forehead then you'll know it worked lol.