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Am I overreacting?

ncgal1980's picture

I am so livid right now that I'm sick to my stomach. My DH told me last night that BM is applying for a job at my younger son's daycare!

I was washing dishes when he just casually mentioned that she'd told him that she had a job interview there, and I whirled around and said "She WHAT? You are NOT serious!"

He didn't understand my reaction at all. Just a month ago, she tried to get a job at my older son's school, and now this. He thinks it's just a coincidence, but after hearing that now she's applied for a job at my younger son's daycare, I seriously doubt that. We live in a pretty decent size city with tons of schools and daycare centers, and she just happens to pick the one school and one daycare where I have kids? Yeah, right!

I felt like I was going to throw up. DH thought I was mad at him, but I really wasn't (except for the fact that he couldn't understand my reaction). DH gets along fine with BM for the most part, and I really don't have a huge problem with her, but this is just too much.

I asked him how he'd feel having to run into my ex husband every day when he picks his kids up after work. How would he like to have to chit chat with my ex on a daily basis? He still didn't get it. He said "Well, I can get along with pretty much anybody, so I'd be fine with it."

ARRRGH!

I don't relish the thought of having her up in my business and taking care of my child every weekday, and possibly going through all his personal files in the office (which I'm sure she would if given half a chance). I feel like she's invading my territory, and it's really pissing me off. Am I overreacting?

zerostepdrama's picture

I would mention something to the daycare. And if she does get hired, I would pull my son out. For all the reasons you explained in your posts, are the reasons I would do that.

ncgal1980's picture

She casually drops questions to DH all the time, and he hasn't yet picked up on it. She also mentions stuff that she wouldn't know if she weren't stalking my facebook, like the cake I made for my older son's birthday a couple weeks ago. I guess she saw a picture of it on my facebook. We're not FB friends, so she had to go seek it out.

She's asked DH where my sons go to school/daycare in the past, so she knew what she was doing when she applied for jobs there.

I try not to give it too much thought, but it does annoy me that she's so interested in my everyday life. She needs to spend more time on her own life. Maybe invest some of that unused energy in cleaning up that rolling landfill of a van that she drives around.

I haven't said a word about it to anybody (and I'm not going to), but first thing this morning when I got to work, I called the director of my son's daycare and gave her the scoop. I also told her that I'm certainly not trying to tell her (the director) what to do, but if BM gets a job there, my son won't be attending that daycare anymore. I hate that, too, because he's been there for about four years now, and he's really happy there. THAT'S what really pisses me off. I feel like she's running me out of my own life!

Sparklelady's picture

Please block her from your Facebook! No ex anything should have access to your Facebook - if you won't invite them to your house for dinner, don't invite them to your personal life on FB Smile

ncgal1980's picture

I think I will do that. I'll just make my FB private. My attitude up until last night was "Hey, if they have nothing better to do than snoop around on facebook, then let them." Now, though? Nope. Let her get her kicks somewhere else. Nosy heifer.

ncgal1980's picture

Shoot, not just FB. I have a friend who doesn't work, and stays home all day (hermit - long story). Anyway, she has a hobby of seeing how much information she can find out about people online. I didn't think I had much out there. She asked me if I was interested in her seeing what she could find, just using Google and a few other basic search engines. I said, "Sure, go ahead."

Oh my GOD. She came back to me several days later with a SCARY bunch of info about me! She even found some pictures I had in a snapfish folder that didn't have my name associated with it AT ALL! They were in my mom's name (which she didn't even know!). She even found the memorial video of my ex mother-in-law, posted somewhere online about six months ago. My friend didn't know my ex mother-in-law's name, either.

She even found my driver's license photo!

I said all that to say this: NOBODY is safe. I don't care how private or obscure your information is. If somebody knows what they're doing, they can find out virtually anything about you that they want to know. I try not to dwell on it too much. I protect what I can when I feel the need, but really? All that shit's out there if somebody wants to invest a little time in finding it.

askYOURdad's picture

I would be annoyed.

As if taking care of BM's golden children isn't hard enough, her wanting to take care of mine... no thank you, it's hard enough cleaning up the mess you made.

ncgal1980's picture

Exactly! It's enough to deal with, having her three slobs invade my home every other week and trash it. She needs to spend some of that time teaching her kids to grow up and clean up after themselves. It's not gonna happen (she's a big slob herself), but it sure would be nice.

ncgal1980's picture

I really didn't worry about my profile being public, and I don't understand the hysteria over people seeing your kids' pictures. I'm not posting anything lewd or inappropriate. I know we live in a paranoid society these days, and that my philosophy may not be the same as others, but I just don't see the harm in posting pictures of my kids, or anybody else.

If you want to rush into "worst first thinking," they could just as easily attract some pervert while playing on the playground at school, or walking out to the mailbox to get the mail. The vast majority of children who are abducted or molested are pursued by people they know personally. Posting pictures on facebook isn't going to do much to increase your children's odds of being snatched or messed with in any other way. Yes, it does happen, I know, but not anywhere near as often as the media would like you to think it does. And again, most of the time when it does happen, it's by someone the kid knows personally (usually a family member, and in cases of abduction, by the non-custodial parent).

I kept my profile public because...well, maybe because I'm stupid, but in a way, I did it because I don't have anything to hide. I don't have any personal information on there - not even a phone number or email address, and certainly not a physical address - so I just never saw the harm in it.

At any rate, it's totally private now, and only my friends can see my posts, pictures, and information. But again, given that most abductions and molestations are done by people the kid knows, I haven't done much to decrease the odds that somebody may mess with my kids.

It's not on topic, but I'm a follower of "Free Range Kids" thinking. If you're interested, you can go to freerangekids.com to find out more. Statistically speaking (though it may be hard to believe, the way the media bombards us with stuff), our kids are safer than we were when we were growing up.

Anyway, it's private now, and I refuse to delete my fb because of one batshit crazy BM. From now on, though, she'll just have to keep mining for information by plying DH with questions about me and my boys, which she seems totally fine with.

ncgal1980's picture

Oh, I agree. I can't really fault her for looking up information that's public. I know she's been doing it since DH and I first got together, though she won't admit it. She won't be able to anymore, though, so it's a moot point from here on out.

As I said, I realize that a lot of people don't agree with my way of looking at this particular issue, and I don't mean to start an argument. It's like religion and politics. You're not going to change anybody's mind on the subject, so it's not even worth getting into.

ncgal1980's picture

I'm sure she could find a way to see my stuff if she wanted to. There's really not much to see there. My life's kinda boring. Blum 3

Trust me, there's a LOT of information about all of us out there, whether we like it or not. I saw a story on the news just the other night about people gathering information from obituaries and getting credit cards in dead people's names. Death certificates are available to anyone who asks for them (at least in my state), and it'd blow your mind to know how much personal information is included on them, and then you can get even more information (like parents' names and addresses, etc.) from some obituaries. Even the information you list on doctor's offices' forms can easily be accessed.

And don't even get me started on cashiers swiping info off your debit/credit cards! Yikes! That happened to a coworker of mine not too long ago.

If you think about it too much, it's mind-boggling. Makes me want to go live in a cave and never come out again.

ncgal1980's picture

I keep hoping BM will get a job...just not where she'll run into my kids! If she had something she had to do every day, and somewhere to be, maybe she wouldn't have as much time or desire to snoop around on other people.

ncgal1980's picture

That may very well be the problem, right there. If only she knew how UNinterested I am in her kids' personal lives! All I know is that they're messy, lazy, disrespectful, and whiny brats. That's all the information I have, or want, about them at this point.

I keep hoping it'll get better, and DH is trying his best to enforce rules in our house, but then they go back to BM's for a week, and it's all shot to hell. Then they're back the following week with all their old habits reinforced. Lather, rinse, repeat...

Harleygurl's picture

Definitely talk to the director of your son's daycare. My son was going to the after school program when I noticed the daughter of a friend was working there. I knew the girl's drug history and that she was still using. Needless to say she was drug tested and fired. And I'm not talking about a pot here and there. The girl and her boyfriend had bad coke habits.