There's never a good time to talk to DH about the skid problems. He's too tired, sick, doesn't have time, not in the mood.
Well I have tabled the issues for 4 months in order to not upset DH. But now I am noticing my physical and mental health slipping and I am not willing to let that happen.

I can't beat the dead horse anymore. I told DH there needs to be a solution this time and RIGHT NOW. He's back and forth on skid visitation and it leaves me holding my breath. I bet his kids feel the same, never knowing when to expect a visit.

I laid out the options we've thought of. DH is back to thinking he will go visit the skids for 10-12 days every 2 months. I need advice here: Right now EOWE puts the skids here 6 days a month. (That is 4 days visitation because they aren't full 24-hour periods.) Is it better to have the intruders come 2x a month or just knock it out for 10-12 days every 2 months? It would save 600 miles of driving too and I would not have to see them...I would also be alone during that time...which is ok but right now I am trading 4 days a month for an additional 4 days by asking DH to 'parent' away from home. Did I mention I have a timeshare option that he thinks should be used for these long visits? My timeshare, being used for his kids but to spare me from having all of them in my house. (I have to hide valuables and breakables every time the skids come. Privacy issues. And I just hate having kids in my house, touching everything and spying on me and DH---it makes my life miserable.)
Other options were splitting time at my house and his dad's....but I can't stomach the skids here anymore. I passed my breaking point.

I lost the battle on the communication with BM topic. I won the defriend her on FB battle but they still talk and text here and there. I need to get over it I guess but I don't like not knowing what is being said. Even if they're just being nasty to one another or talking about skids, I don't like being in the dark....I also don't like the stress of being privy to it all. I feel like the outsider. I feel like I don't know what's being said or what's gong on. DH admitted that BM 'influences' our lives. (Can someone please speak to this statement? I said other than skids, there should be no interaction. I am met with the argument that DH needs to keep her happy so she doesn't fly off the handle and sue him etc.) "I just need to trust that their communication is respectful to me and necessary and healthy." OK. Great. My issue again.

DH got notice YESTERDAY that the skids and BM are coming TOMORROW for the weekend. DH doesn't mind because it saves him 600 miles of driving and he gets 2 nights with the skids. I guess I don't really care since I don't have to see them. They will all stay at his dad's. I could use a weekend alone. I AM resentful however because skids= money for food/entertainment. DH has been sick (therapist told him to unplug from all stress and even go inpatient for a while...he won't, so now he's sick.) So all I see is DH is going to babysit all weekend, put out money he doesn't have and probably get sicker....all crappy things for me to deal with once BM and her spawns have left town....AND it will be MY fault because I didn't step up to raise his kids and 'create a happy family for all of them.' That's DH's ideal. It's what men with kids want...step in and replace mom so they can not have guilt...oh and do it all with a smile and unconditional love for his children that he had with another woman...a woman who decided pool parties and short dresses were more fun than her marriage. *Vent*

Next weekend DH has plans with our friends. He's really looking forward to these plans. His dad planned a short getaway to see the skids--a first football game of the season. DH has blindly said yes to both which occur at the same time, on the same date. I don't even care anymore. I will watch him swim upstream. I will watch him squirm to get out of his son's football game in order to go do the more fun thing with our friends. I will watch his total disappointment when he realizes he has to go to the football game and miss out. I will watch our friends' disappointment when he flakes out on them again.

I never wanted to get to this point of being so unhappy and apathetic.

All DH says is how much he loves me and needs me to be happy and he'll do what it takes. I took some advice from here and told him I would support his time he needs with his kids---and it looks like that time will be away from me, which is what I want.

It's like choosing between and turd and a pile of crap.

*Sidenote: An old friend of mine shot himself in the head 2 days ago. His wife had twins even though he never wanted children. I think he was too miserable in his new life with babies and perhaps could only see how trapped he was. He's dead now. I understand some of that thinking.