Nope not at all. But your BF is going to have to be the one to set the boundaries. And be ready for some push back from BM over it.

SO BF ex is overly involved. While her and I get along, I have a few boundaries as far as us blending a new family.

I don't feel she needs to call/text to make sure he is on time for the kids sports activities.

Answer: I think it's ok for her to keep him aware of the kid's sports activities. Especially if he is known to not be good at keeping up with such things.

I don't feel she should just walk in our home and help herself in our kitchen. Or go in the kids room to collect clothing/sports gear/backpacks etc.

Answer: I agree here. Kids should be packed and ready with EVERYTHING they need before mom gets there. This is your DH falling down on his responsibility. There should be no need for her to do this stuff.

I don't feel she should invite herself to NON important functions... EXP trick or treating tonight.

Answer: I think trick or treating is ok for a mom to go along if the kids are young. If they are old enough to go on their own.. maybe dad could send her a picture?

I don't feel she should leave her belongings sitting on the sidelines of sports activities and expect my BF, her EX to collect things and bring them too her.

Answer: She shouldn't be forgetting her stuff.. but is this really intentional or is she forgetful? It's nice for her to taker her the things though. It's a nice sign that he can be cordial with her.

I don't feel every time she needs things moved or picked up that require a truck she should call him to do.

Answer: This is probably habit as she always counted on him and his truck before and she just hasn't figured out how to do this stuff without him and his truck. If it was only occasionally and it isn't some ploy to "get him back". I would probably grit my teeth and bear it. However, I might help him be less available for this stuff so that she figures out how to do stuff like this without her.

Are they actually divorced or are they separated? Do you live with him? How long have you been together?

"I don't feel she needs to call/text to make sure he is on time for the kids sports activities."

Is this when he is taking and/or picking up kids at activities? A text while he physically has the kids would seem harmless. 'Drop kid#1 at football by 5pm and kid#2 needs picked from scouts at 5:15' is no biggie. Perhaps not necessary, but nothing to fight over.

"I don't feel she should just walk in our home and help herself in our kitchen. Or go in the kids room to collect clothing/sports gear/backpacks etc."

The woman has no business in your home. None. Dad needs to prepare his kids better so there is no need. Tell him to get his rear organized.

"I don't feel she should invite herself to NON important functions... EXP trick or treating tonight."

Dad needs to learn to just say 'no'. Holidays should be clearly defined and sorted in the court order.

"I don't feel every time she needs things moved or picked up that require a truck she should call him to do. "

Does he change light bulbs and come take out her garbage on trash day too? I'm guessing he's been at her beck n call since divorce and it's all worked for them until you came in and objected. He needs to decide if he's really ready to have a live-in GF. BM and Dad are still dependent on each other. Which was fine until he brought you in. It's unfair and disrespectful to you and to your relationship... he's divorced. Time to cut the dependency cord.

This is nuts. This man basically has two wives, at the same time. Do you want to put up with that?

Since you are girlfriend and not wife, I agree your hands are more-so tied. However, if and when you and BF get married, do you think things will change now that you have allowed the pattern of his ex- being wife #1 and you being #2?

You are either husband and wife or boyfriend and girlfriend or you are not. There is no third wheel or dates including the ex- allowed.

None of the above has anything to do with doing what is best for the kids. What is best for the kids is to see that mom and dad are divorced and have moved on. Kids don't need the confusion of maybe mom and dad will get back together once that servant girl, what's-her-name is 86'd from the picture.

This is really up to you. You can either contend with being #4 on the list behind DH, his ex- and their kids; or, you can decide you want to be full partners with someone and move on.

And, I would imagine BM does get along with you well, since you are more than willing to do/jump at whatever request she has. I'm sure she loves the free babysitting too. She probably wants to keep you around just as much if not more than BF. They are both having their cake and eating it too. What are you getting out of this?

Your BF and his ex are still enmeshed. A great deal of what you describe are things that are okay for two people who are committed to one another in a relationship, but is not at all required for coparenting.

- Her access to your house. Nonresidents don't walk in the door without an adult resident inviting them inside, period.
- Her relying on your BF as her go to guy for things that a male relationship partner would do. Making her life easier is not coparenting, period.

The other things you describe (inviting herself along, texting him not to be late) are things that you cannot control. She's going to do what she's going to do. Your BF needs to be the one to change his reactions to those things in order to discourage the behavior.

You are another in a long line of women to date a conflict-avoident man whose ex-wife takes advantage of his good nature to hang onto some perks of the prior relationship and call it "parenting."

Have a talk with your BF. None of the things you want to end are out of line. She is no longer the number one adult female in his life and he needs to start acting like it. You aren't in this relationship to be a sister wife. You want a full partner, but he can't be that to you when he's still acting like a partner to her.

He needs to forcibly boot her out of her entitlement, and chances are she's not going to like it. You will learn a great deal about your importance to your BF when you see whether he's willing to introduce the potential for conflict in order to get this codependency ended and make you the number one adult female in his life.

Don't get angry with him and don't become the controlling woman forcing him to change. Both of those might work in the short term, because he'll want to avoid conflict with you, but he will resent you in the long term. Instead, calmly state your case of what you want changed, and he'll choose to do it or he won't. You'll learn all that you need to know from what he chooses to do with the information that you give him.