So last weekend there is a big family get together for my family, extended family, friends, etc...

All my cousins are there including three step-cousins.

I was raised with the step-cousins simply being cousins, and they were as much family as everyone else. They in turn have always been the same with us - with the exception of the eldest girl - she has some issues!

This one reminds me of my DH's sister - always a scowl on her face, ignores my siblings and I - has even gotten up and left gatherings in the past because she just can't 'handle it'

So, first a little back-ground on this; my grandparents divorced when my Mom was a little girl (my grandmother had gotten sick after the birth of her youngest child, spent an extended amount of time in hospital, and in the meantime my grandfather had an affair with the lady he hired to help look after the kids/my Mom and Uncles) My grandmother came home to be told that my grandfather was divorcing her, he and his new SO with taking custody of the kids. My mother grew up never so much as being allowed to even mention her mother's name, in her father & SM's home. My Mom greatly resented all of this, so as soon as she could leave home - with her help of her own Mom/my grandmother - she did. And then once she started her own family, she withheld her kids/my siblings and I, from having any real relationship with our grandfather and step-grandmother. My grandfather and his wife did try on occasion to see us, making the drive to our home, only to have my Mom make it very uptight and tense for everyone, until they left.

My Mom says she despised her SM's son/my Mom's step-brother, but we grew up calling him Uncle and really not understanding that he was anything but an actual Uncle to us. His children, the three step-cousins, we saw during summer vacation when we all camped together and of course at big family get together's with my other Uncles and their families - who for the most part had no problem with the step side of the family. My Mom was the one who carried the biggest grudge.

Oh, and this one step-cousin. I was pretty close to the middle step-cousin growing up, and we still to this day get on amazingly. I love her to death, she's great. But her sister - wow - what a piece of work! She has no problem making it clear how much she despises my siblings and I. And we have no idea why!

These step-cousins grew up knowing my grandfather as their grandfather. From what we've heard, he was an amazing grandfather to them. This step-cousin makes sure everyone knows how close she was to him. That he picked her up every day from school, she spent every afternoon at their home, that he simply doted on her. Even to this day, in her front entrance of her home, is a gigantic portrait of my grandfather and her grandmother.

Fine. We have no issue with that. We understand the issues in our family were between my mother and her SM. We have no resentment towards our grandfather and step-grandmother that we didn't have a relationship with them growing up. And we certainly feel no resentment towards our step-cousins who did. My siblings and I know that our Mother was the one who made the decision to deny us that relationship and we've always left it at that.

However, we have always been instructed that we were not to mention our grandmother, ever, around our step-cousins. First of all, why would any of us do that anyway? None of us really care about that whole situation, and we've always been super forgiving of the divorce (hey we weren't even born!) accepting of our step-cousins, and super tolerant to the attitude and crap from this one cousin. But, being TOLD we are not allowed to mention our own grandmother - who did nothing wrong - is a bit much. I mean really. If anyone had any right to feel any resentment and demand certain individuals were not to be brought up, not so sure it was my grandmother it should have been!

Regardless, we've all tolerated this cousin's crap for a long time.

At the family get together on the weekend, I decided that I'm not so sure I'm willing to do that anymore.

Whether her issues are because she resents that we are the actual bio grandchildren of "her" beloved grandfather as my brother believes, or because maybe my Mother may not have been so accepting or nice to her step-nieces as my sister believes, or maybe because she grew up hearing all the stories her grandmother filled her head with about the evil SD/my Mom, which I believe, at the end of the day - we - her step-cousins, have never been anything but great to her. And she, the one who I really don't think has any 'right' to walk around with the attitude she has after all 'we' have lost as a result of her grandmother, is the one that is filled with bitterness and is just plain nasty :? :? :?

Maybe due to all I've tolerated from DH's sister and daughter over the years, I finally decided last weekend that I would not be tolerating any more of this crap from this step-cousin. So when she she walked up to the group where my sister and I were chatting with another cousin (bio) and the step-cousin cut in only to greet our other cousin, ignoring my sister and I, and stood there with that same nasty look on her face, I completely ignored her in return. Believe me, that is a first for her.

Wow did that get a reaction at that point she did look at me, but I was already hugging and chatting with my other step-cousin/her sister.

Just so done putting up with people who have problems. I get she's bitter - although I do not get why - but not going to sit back and take all her nastiness any longer.

Time to grow up, for sure!