Does she receive CS from the BD?

I have 2 younger sisters that are both SAHMs by their choice. Both of them were put on an allowance for household expenses by their SOs. They were wasting so much money that the got cut off.

Sister 1: Is given plenty of money to pay bills and get what everyone needs. If she shows him a bill he gives her the money for it, all household shopping is done together, and she gets a little extra cash for whatever she wants to use it for. She has no access to the bank account and he keeps all of the money in the bank. I see no problem with this situation and neither does anyone else in the family.

Sister 2: Was cut off suddenly without her knowledge. He was a really ass about it and even tried to take the kids from her claiming that she couldn't care for them with out his money. Her SO is a long haul truck driver, and is never home. (on purpose) He just stopped putting money in the account and opened another one with out her knowledge. He has his grandmother on the new account. She pays all of their bills for them. (she lives 2 hours from them.) My sister is given a very, very low amount of cash to get the things their kids need. I don't know how many times we've had to buy her diapers and wipes. It's ridiculous. Her SO is an ass, you can tell he doesn't love her, and is very controlling. My sister was young and stupid. He was her first boyfriend ever and she was still in high school when their oldest daughter was born. ----This is wrong.

she found a sugar daddy ... looks like.
I think blended families should have separate budgets/finances ... and agree to it since the very beginning, so there are no misunderstandings.

What she’s doing is not right. When you love and respect somebody, you don’t do this. You are being financially abused. And $4000 a month is an incredible monthly allowance to give her. She’s greedy and you got money.

Wow.. I have to say you are wonderful for Caring for all those kids that are not yours. Unfortunately she is taking advantage of you. She needs to get her own job and take care of her kids with her money. If her 16 year old wants to go to private school and her money allows for that plus anything else for her children than that is her call but your money should not be going into that.

"In addition I gift her, in cash, 4 grand every month for "household expenses" to pay for groceries and such. Prior to this she was spending $6500-10,000 per month, the majority of which went toward her other kids for food, car insurance etc etc. Furthermore, I gave the entirety of our tax return to her to pay off her medical debts."

Read this:
https://www.amazon.com/Entitlement-Cure-Finding-Success-Things/dp/031033...

I'm sorry - but close your wallet.

When she complains, respond with "honey you chose not to work - that means you have no income. You have forced me to pay your share of the bills. There's nothing stopping you from getting a job, in fact, I'd appreciate it if you'd try to at least cover your share of expenses. In any case, you're going to have to find a way to pay for your son's schooling...."

WHY are you giving away your money so freely to someone who is ungrateful?

Dang... I'll send you my email address - I could use a couple thousand... I'll show you more gratefulness and appreciation than your wife does I can promise you that.

:jawdrop: $4k a month for household expenses and she works now. You are more than generous.

Ohiodoc, I really feel for you. My suggestion is sitting down and thinking about what you will and won't pay for, then discussing things with your wife. I sense that she did not discuss paying for her bio-kids with you in the first place. You are incredibly generous and I am slightly gobsmacked that your wife is complaining. She needs to re-think the value of money and how lucky she is to have you and to be so fortunate. And no you are not the asshole in this situation, not by a long shot.

I don't know what I could find to do with $4,000 per month if all the bills were already paid. She must have a giant savings account. Must be nice to be handed all that money without even working. She probably also has a maid and nanny. Guess I married poorly.

I hate to say it, but that kind of spending... I’d hire a private investigator to see WTH she’s doing with all that money. No exaggeration. That is RIDICULOUS. I will venture to say she wouldn’t have your back if you fell on hard times...

You need to realize that money is power. Some people may think that is "unfair" but so what.

The primary income for my DH and I is social security. But I have significant IRA accounts that I can draw on.

My DH is a good man and does not pressure me to help his son with my money. If he did I would have no problem kicking him to the curb. SS32 has even been homeless. Not my problem.

I worked my ass off to make something of myself even after being raised in extreme poverty. SS was given so many opportunities including private schools and a zillion chances. He's just a worthless user.

I believe in consequences for one's decisions.

Your in the right my SO works but her accounts are always in a negative standing she brings home like 200 and thats gas until one of us gets paid again and for some reason she just spends never looking at the balance. I hate say it I might take her off my account.