Should these behaviors be addressed or let go?
SD's is jealous of daddys attention when I am around. She is only 5. She wont allow daddy to sit near me without her being in the middle or she will cry, scream, hit and yell until she gets her way. She wants him to himself so I end up sitting on one couch by myself and my hubby and her are on the other. She wont go to the store with me and only wants to be around daddy even though Im always very nice to her. My husband doesnt correct this nor address her behavior because of her age and natural feelings of competing for his attention. If he needs to go for groceries both kids insists on going with him and will cry to get their way. I stay at home now. Taking 2 kids to the stores with you when you can go by yourself in half the time is ridiculous. Ive always been very nice to his kids even though it hasn't always been reciprocated. I dont get it. Part of the problem is SD's competing with me for attention but is also competing with her brother, who is 8, whom my husband favors, and his mother who is 67 and spends way too much time with her son and seems to always be at the house when I am not there, sometimes also when I am there. I feel the kids pain so I haven't addressed it but I feel this will just get worse. Another thing that bothers me is my step kids refusal to get drink of water by themselves when they are both very capable of doing so. They are both capable of getting a cup and getting themselves a glass of water but they always want my hubby or me to do it for them because they dont want to get off of the ouch or go downstairs. Odd thing is when they want food they are plenty capable of getting it out of the pantry themselves to get cookies, candy, chocolate, etc. Ive been disengaging and will tell them if they want water they can get it themselves (unless they are sick then I will get it for them) my husband says Im not compassionate enough.
I tell my 4 year old ss to
I tell my 4 year old ss to get his own water. We have a stool he can stand on, he knows which tap it is, knows where his cups are... there's no excuse.
SS "competes" a little for attention... but not to that extent. I've been lucky in that DH tells ss he can join in, (dh and I generally snuggle together on the couch) but he can't take my place, just like I could join in on their snuggle but not take ss's place.
And, I don't have a MIL - she passed away years ago.
My husband doesnt correct
My husband doesnt correct this nor address her behavior because of her age
Now, at her age, is the perfect time to address this. If he doesn't, you are in for a real treat as she gets older.
Trying to teach kids to have some independence and do for themselves does not equal no compassion. It is a parent's responsibility to raise self-sufficient human beings.
Address it ASAP. In the
Address it ASAP. In the beginning I let a lot of thinks slide as not to make waves. HUGE MISTAKE. Now since ST and just being annoyed I am starting to speak up.
Sadly, it will only get worse.
Duplicate post!!!!!
Duplicate post!!!!!
There is absolutely no excuse
There is absolutely no excuse for SD to be behaving this way. She's 5 and should be guided by her elders. Children that age need firm discipline to learn right from wrong. Instill that discipline now and you'll have a well-mannered girl. Fail to do so and you end up with an entitled, spoiled brat. Why would your DH not discipline her? I don't understand why he won't correct or address her behaviour. Bad parenting!
My SS would start his
My SS would start his pre-visitation behavioral degradation about 2wks before leaving for visitation and would regress during his SpermClan visitations. He would leave talking, getting his own drinks, snacks, etc... and would come back home after visitation grunting, pointing and crying for things. We would let him get frustrated, collapse on the floor, and pitch his fits while we just stepped over him when he pulled that crap. Our only response to that BS was "use your words and get up and get it yourself" That kid went pretty hungry for the first few days after a visitation because we would not recognize the toxic SpermClan residual behaviors during his post visitation detox period. We fed him only at meal time and he often would pitch a fit and not eat. He starved.
Hunger is a pretty good behavioral alignment motivator.
The detox would usually take about 3wks.
lol. As others have said,
lol.
As others have said, it's the perfect time to address it. I was never inclined to act like a little princess, but if I ever did pull any nonsense like this my mom would always say: "Oh, I'm sorry. Are your legs broken?"
She had 6 kids...so she really couldn't afford to be hopping to every time one of use wanted something...and I'm sure I'm better off for it. I was the oldest, so I became independent and self-sufficient very quickly. I think that's why I was even more surprised by the helplessness of my skids in their pre-teen and early teen years. REALLY? They don't make their own lunches for school? They don't know how to do laundry? They don't have chores? What are they DOING all day?
No, your step-daughter isn't
No, your step-daughter isn't too young to teach that temper tantrums aren't an appropriate way to get attention. Yes, she's in a vulnerable position right now, and it's important to remember that. She's 5 years old, and needs and craves attention. But there's an appropriate way to get attention, and an inappropriate way. You can't let ANY kid (bio or step) get their way when they throw a temper tantrum. It'll only teach them that it works. Temper Tantrums are emotional manipulation. It's tempting just to give in to get it to stop, but once you do that you're opening a door that you'll find is difficult to close. You can't reinforce bad behavior.
I'd say you're being very compassionate, given that you're taking her situation into account and are trying to empathize with her (which can be hard for a lot of step-moms).