My husband and I had a really great talk last night and I think he finally sees things clearly now. It's been really hard getting him to see the big picture with regards to his son. He refused to even consider the fact that his son was one way with me and my kids and another way entirely when he was around. Not to mention finally getting him to see how jealous, bitter and resentful he is thanks to his mother.

My SS is 15 and literally hates me (for no reason really) and resents what his siblings have. When he come here (as I mentioned in an earlier post) he inventories what we have and tells his mother. Which causes all sorts of trouble because everything relates to the almighty dollar with her. He's cruel to my children,(physically and emotionally) but claims innocence to his Dad and makes me look like I'm just picking on him. He says mean, hateful things to me, but denies them when his Dad talks to him about it. And all these years, my husband has taken his side. "Poor SS, he's got such a hard life, everyone is so mean to him."

But last night, I calmly, once again, tried to explain to him and try to get him to see how manipulative and hurtful he is when he's here. It does no good to have him come here and make us all miserable for several weeks. He doesn't want to see me. He doesn't really like his younger siblings. And he's so totally jealous of our life (even tho he willingly chose to move out of our house to live in poverty with his mother) he can't do anything but make lists to give his mother. My husband FINALLY saw all this last night. I think when I told him that everyone outside our family sees SS for what and who he really is, that snapped him into reality.

We finally came to the decision together that it is not necessary for SS to come here anymore. So every few months or so, my husband is going to travel to SS's state, stay for the weekend and devote 3 days solely to his son. No battling for time with Dad and 3 other kids, my husband doesn't have to work when he's there, and SS doesn't have to deal with me. Not only that, but he doesn't have to come here and resent our life anymore. He simply won't see it.

When SS was little, it was so important that he be a solid part of our family. We did everything we could to keep his place in our lives alive and always there for him. Now that he's nearly an adult, being part of our family isn't what he wants anymore. Nor, do I think, needs. He just needs time alone with his Dad.

So I am feeling some relief right now. It's been a long time coming too.