As anyone who has read my blogs already knows, BM has a real problem accepting SD's life with her dad, me and her baby sister (and new sib on the way!) She is very insecure and jealous and tries to fill her head with nonsense all the time. Typical parental alienation. She hates us, so she wants her daughter to hate us too.

BM and my fiance separated 4 years ago and she filed for divorce about 6 months later. A year and a half after that, he and I got together after being close friends for about a year. Just a few months into our relationship, we were surprised by an unexpected (but not unwanted!) pregnancy. Turns out this little girl just really wanted to come into our lives because she came despite the protection we used!

At the time, we tried to be really sensitive to SD's adjustment to all this sudden change, as well as to BM's feelings, considering the divorce wasn't even final yet, even though they had been split up for 2 years. BM threw fits and we laid low, tried to give her time. Meanwhile, SD has wholeheartedly accepted the situation - she and I get along like gangbusters and although she was nervous about the pregnancy like any older sibling might be, she loves her baby sister from the bottom of her heart.

After almost 2 and a half years together, we decided to expand our family with another baby, just living our lives how we would if there wasn't an ex in the picture who refuses to officially become the EX. BM is still hell bent on acting like they're still a "family unit" and I'm some kind of homewrecker. She refuses to close the divorce and we haven't been able to afford a lawyer to do it ourselves. My poor fiance has tried on several occasions to close it on his own, but hasn't been successful. We're taking out a loan in the New Year to retain a lawyer because this has just gone on far too long.

My point in this rambling post is that BM forbids SD to call me her "stepmom" because we're not married. What is your opinion on this? We have been operating as a family unit for 2 and a half years and frankly, the day we get that marriage certificate, absolutely NOTHING will change in our household except for a piece of paper and how we pay our taxes. We are partners and spouses in every sense of the word... except legally. My "function" in the home is that of SD's stepmother, I am her sister's mother and her father's partner. Why can't BM get over it?

I really do try to put myself in BM's shoes, so I'm asking you all if I really should not call myself SD's stepmother (to her teachers, classmates, etc) until it becomes "official" on our wedding day. Is it wrong? Or is this just another way for BM to try to badmouth us to SD and to the world?