Is it wrong?
About once a year we get a family picture with my husband, ss, bio son and me. I scheduled that picture appointment for next week. And then I decided to make another appointment for the next weekend to take pictures with just my hubby and son. I don't want my ss to feel left out but I would also like some pictures with our son alone..... I'm not sure what to do. Now that I am 6 months pregnant I had alway invisioned having my son hugging my bare pregnant belly and my husband with his arms around me. It just feels like a really intimate photo I want with our son. Need some advice. I told my husband about the idea and he had no problem at all with it. But I know my in-laws better and if we do ANYTHING without ss, it puts a negative energy around me. I want my ss included but at the same time I want to also catch memories how our family is 90 % of the time and that is with just the three of us - my hubby, me and our son.
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nothing wrong with wanting a family photo..but
have you considered making this intimate photo (and I love your idea)a mother and child and belly photo? This way you do not have to worry about ss feeling left out of dad's life and you will have your awesome photo.
I have considered it but I
I have considered it but I really really want my hubby in it.......
Maybe you could
just take the picture with your hubby. I'm thinking that leaving the SS out will make him feel like a penney waiting for change-- a horrible feeling for a 6yr. old.
Make the appointment.....
when the ss is not with you. I think it is ok, but he could be hurt. another approach would be to have a few taken with different family members out of the picture at the appointment when step son is along. one with just the kids, one with just the parents, etc. then the ss won't even know that the picture with all of you minus the ss was taken at a different time.
I think its tricky
With a baby on the way, I would have to think ss may feel odd about the family photo without him, Without taking 20 deifferent combo's you should think about it this way...is this a one time photo with your belly, dh, and bio, or are you going to take a separate shot every year? I can't see a one time thing being that harmful especially with the belly factor, but if you want separate shots every year it may become an issue, and lead to resentment. I have a nephew who is now 13 and he has taken notice to the fact that his sm has left him out of the family photos over the last 8 years.
We take family
photos without ss b/c he is a total pain in the ass for the photographer, and absolutely refuses to cooperate. So I don't battle it anymore, we just take our family photos w/o ss.
In your situation, I personally don't feel that there is anything wrong with you taking photos w/o ss, as long as you take some with him. My ss is older than yours, and would have felt totally grossed out taking pictures with me and my belly. Also, sometimes kids (especially boys I have noticed) feel like they are betraying their mothers by taking pictures with step-mothers. In my experience, my ss would not have liked taking photos of my pg belly (no matter what age) b/c of his loyalty towards his mother. So, I'm not so sure you will truly be hurting his feelings.
I believe photos are artwork, and I believe that you are okay with taking the intimate photos you want the way you want. You take family photos with ss, and it's okay to take some w/o him too (just make sure dh is okay with this too). Just be aware of the harsh judgement you will receive from the in-laws, and preapre yourself for that battle.
Good luck,
Candice
I don't see anything wrong with it....
As a BM to 2 daughters and SM to a son and daughter we have numerous professional photos of all 6 of us, AND I also have some of just Dad and his 2 bio kids and Me and my 2 bio kids. But ladies I have a HUGE family I mean HUGE, over 200 immediate family members. MY Step kids are not always with us therefore, there are some of my family members who have never met my step kids. Just like I am sure that there are and will be family members of my husband's who have no idea who my girls are. I don't see it as a slap in the face unless I was ALWAYS keeping my step kids out of pictures. We take an annual Holiday family of 6 pictures and normally during Spring/Easter I take more pictures of the kids because WE HATE the school pictures from Step kids bc BM doesn't get hair cut/get daughters hair done/iron clothes etc.....so we have just stopped ordering them and we do our own professional pictures. With that being said on the kids only pics, we do all 4, then we split up 2 and 2 and then normally all the girls by them selves and my ss by himself. So everyone gets pics (on both sides of the families) of all 4 kids, and some people on my side only get my 2 bio girls and some people on my husbands side only get his 2 bio kids as well. If you are feeling guilty then myabe your intentions aren't pure bc I have never felt BAD from having pics taken and I am missing all 4 kids (that also includes my own 2 bio girls) they do go and visit their father and miss out on family events and pictures as well.
"Be there for the joy. Be there for the tears. Be there for each other."
(Step-Mom the Movie 1998)
I really appreciate all your
I really appreciate all your input. Some see it as okay others see it as exclusion. I figured this much. I will take the family photo with all of us yearly, ss included as usual but I have decided that my husband and our children together should also be able to have family pictures from time to time as well.
Do it skye22!
There's not a single thing wrong with it. If you were to take only pictures without him and never any with him, then that would be different. This is a special time in your life and in your family... YOU get to make that call and it doesn't matter a tinker's damn what anyone else thinks.
~ Anne ~
Just talked about this tonight with my ss
I was happy to see this topic brought up as we just asked my ss tonight if he would want to have a family picture taken with me in it. He was all for it. In your case I say go for that special picture that you want. You are including your ss in a yearly family picture and I don't feel he will think he is being left out. But if you want to make sure he doesn't I have some other ideas for you also. Having a family picture each year of your family is great, but also have one of all the kids together, one with Dad and all the kids and some with you and the kids. This way he sees that he is included and the one picture that you do now will not seem like something he was purposely left out of.
Robin
I don't know... maybe I'm on the fence...
But in my house... I jump through hoops to make sure that EVERYONE is in the photo so NO ONE is left out! LOL.
I guess it comes from my upbringing. Many in my 'family' is not really related by blood, in fact, I have several sisters, brothers, cousins out there that aren't blood related at all, and I am an only child...
I think this is a touchy situation. If you do plan to have this photo done separately, you have to also consider the outcome in the future... just because he's not there when the photo is taken, doesn't mean that he won't see it... in less you plan to keep in a tight sealed box for the rest of your life. If you plan to frame it up, put it out on display, which is usually the reason for professional photos anyway, right, then I think it may not be viewed the same to your SS. It is an exclusion. But only he is the one that will ultimately know this.
I was a SD growing up, and I tell you, I still remember the absent appearance of me in many family photos... it wasn't because my mom didn't want me in them, it was because my step dad didn't. I didn't want to be in any photos with my step dad, but the difference is still the same... I was meant to be invisible, because that's how I felt... that's how my step dad made me feel.
At the same time, I also see the desire that you have to distinguish 'your' family. But really, what is your family? That's what I think you need to ask yourself. Are you really limiting yourself down to blood relations? That's what this photo represents, and deep inside, you desire that this only represents you and your blood line. SS is not part of that unique mixture. So, I don't know. This one is a tough one.
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...
nothing is wrong with being a proud mom
as I said yesterday I think your idea for this picture is awesome, and as a sm of eight years I can say there is many different pictures around the house of all combos of kids. I would take the picture the way you want but like I said if this becomes an annual picture without him he will take notice and be affected. I have since day one tryed to have a happy blended home even with all the crap. We have a family photo box that has ten parts.Five for family & various photos, one of our wedding, and each of the four children have their own part...the step sons starts with a photo of their bio parents together, baby photos, and goes to the present. I have been called strange for this before , and even though times can be terrible with the x's it is because of their relationship with my dh that I have been blessed with these boys. There is many years of photos to be taken and many different ways to take them...don't worry and enjoy that belly!
The more I think about it I
The more I think about it I agree that I am being selfish wanting this picture with just our child in it. But if my husband has no problem with it, why should I. I mean sometimes it seems like everyone puts so much pressure on us as stepparents that we live in this bubble world. It SEEMS like everything is TABOO! No matter what I do I'm under the watchful eye of his mother, waiting to condem me for hurting her child. If I try too hard then I am trying to be his mom - which she makes certain to point out that I am NOT. I can't win. Why does being a stepparent and loving a man who already had a child make your life together less important and means for taking the back burner, everytime? Our own wants and desires are not figured in to the picture. I love my ss and care about my ss greatly. I think if he is offended by the picture it will have more to do with his mom making a big deal about it than anything else. I have been in his life since he was only months old. I have a ggod relationship with him. I do my very best to include him and make his time at our house pleasant. I would venture to say that I have a better relationship with him than my husband. But I also have needs and wants and desires. I am starting to wonder if a lot of blended families don't work becasue the step parents are constantly having to 'stuff' there own feelings. I feel like if I skip this picture I will resent the situation more, That can't be healthy either......
I think you should do it.
It's a picture for goodness sakes. If you were having family pics done w/o ss that would be wrong, I am guessing SS would not want a picture taken with your belly...mine wouldn't. In my case the boys are thrilled to be having a baby & are going to the big ultrasound, however having their picture taken with my belly would just be odd.
DH always stresses that he doesn't want the boys to ever feel like I love our baby more than them....maybe because he is afraid of that himself. Because I treat him with respect & will allow him to parent this child more than their mother did or does.
I know I will never love the boys less than I do now, but I do tell him that this relationship will be different because of how this child will feel about me. Our baby will never hesitate to tell me it loves me, for fear of betraying the ex... and that folks will be the major difference. That & their will be two people with the same beliefs raising this child verses one parent who feels it is a priviledge to allow their father to be with his kids.
If you don't do this I think you will regret it. Kudos to you for showing off your bare belly... I am to self conscious to do that.
Go for it!
I understand you want to include your step son and you have by having family photos done with him in them. Then after having pictures done when he is not around. I am sure he has pictures done with his mother that does not include his father and you and soon his photos with his mom will also not include his new sibling. This is a beautiful time for you and you should go ahead and capture it in a photo without guilt. If you still feel guilty and you see your ss does not approve dh can have photos after with just him and ss. That will make the ss feel special. Good Luck.
That is a really good idea
That is a really good idea daytona1. When we take our family picutres I will have just a dad and son picture done with him and his son. That way ss feels special. Then when we go back later and get our beely shot with us and our son he won't feel insecure since he already had the big family picture and one along with HIS dad.