The Sh*t hit the fan on Friday night!!
We were supposed to have the skids this past weekend. My dh called to arrange the pickup time, and was informed that BM had plans for her and the skids and he could either 1) get them after dinner on Sat. or 2) get them the following weekend, as a make up.
She starts telling him how she has committed the skids to an activity EVERY Saturday this August. He says that he will come see 1 or 2 of the activities. (This is where it starts to get weird... She is now talking very loudly into the phone, so loud that I can hear her verbatim from ACROSS THE ROOM!!!..) She then says to my DH, something about the gas prices, and how it better not affect her children, that if SOMEONE has a problem w/it, have her call me and I will set her straight!! I gave my dh time to respond to her, time to come to my rescue and be like WTF.. but he didnt (I have not spoken to the bm, either directly or indirectly, in OVER a year... I do not get out of the car on pick ups/drop offs if she is present.. I do not even LOOK at her) I then yell back toward the cell, WTF, stop accusing me of crap I dont do you dumb B*tch. Then I hear back.. you whore, you sl*t, you C. I am fuming. DH hangs up on her.
She calls back. Starts into it again. How DH CHOSE to move to where we live (an hour away from the skids) DH points out that no.. the US GOV'T (military) chose where he was going to live, he just asked to stay in the New England area FOR THE SKIDS. She then says something about the skids crying when we drop them off.. what is going on at our house.. (I am thinking.. ummm.. we do crap w/them.. like go to the park and stuff.. Duh..) DH then says, they are happy when they are here, I wouldnt know why they cry when they are w/you. She then gets angry and decides to pull me back into the insanity.. she says, well.. I dont know how SHE is spending THE money but.... I went off.. I yelled back.. I work a FT job, I go to work EVERY DAY of the week.. I make a decent salary and can spend it ANY WAY I like.. if you want money to spend GET A JOB like the rest of us you lazy @ss. (I should say she is using obsenities to refer to me as well).. He hangs up on her.
She calls back again (I believe the whole time she was looking for a fight.. why keep calling back???) She tells dh, if you need a place to stay, we have an extra bed, you can come stay w/us... WTF x 1000..... You have got to be kidding me, I yell. I then shouted, he is not married to you anymore, he does not need to seek protection from his wife, I am not you, I do NOT control who he calls, when he calls, I do NOT control his choices or decisions, I do NOT control his cell phone.. quick making me your damn scapegoat. She then tells dh how I dont count. I am NOTHING to her, her children, her family and I should be NOTHING to him. That I am a zero in her book. (surprisingly I did not respond to this one.. it just confirms that I am a second class citizen in all this.. but here.. lets use HER money for crap) DH hangs up again.
She calls back. At this point DH tells her to knock it off. he hung up again and put the cell on silence.
I couldnt go to sleep that night at all. I was extremely upset. I do not need to be upset as I am going through a costly fertility treatment and want it to work. I think she might get a bill from me if it doesnt do to stress. My dh asks me the next morning why I am so upset.
I light into him that you have no problems telling me off when you feel that I have done something wrong.. why cant you do it w/her. He explains that he was trying to defuse the situation.. I point out that he was defusing the situation to MY detrement.. That unless he corrects her, she will assume that her statements are TRUE. That he needs to set her straight. Had he done that up front, I would not have got involved in that call. That I have never done anything to her and that I do freakin count! I then said, if you dont set her straight.. SHE WILL COST YOU YOUR 2nd Marriage!! (I had been thinking how I could get out of this situation all night. I was devising an exist strategy, because I just cant spend my life tied to this sociopath)
He calls her. talks to the children, then asks her to go into a room away from the skids. He then says, I have a few things to say to you. I love my wife, she counts. She counts to me and to my children that love her. (she tries to intervene a couple of times.. I will note those as well) No you listen to me. I do not disrespect your dh, I do not make up crap about him, You need to give my wife the same respect!! Next, she is a professional. She works hard at her job, earns decent money and can spend her money any way she pleases. You are NOT to question how she spends HER money again. When gas hits $5/gallon, I, and I alone, have decided that visitation will be once a month. No, it has nothing to do w/the kind of car (see... the new car I bought really did tick her off) $5/gallon is $5/gallon no matter WHAT you drive. and Lastly, the ONLY reason that you and I are still speaking is because of those kids.. do NOT be disillusioned.. IF it werent for them, I would have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with you! and then he hung up.
Now.. I am sure she hung up on him at some point.. just not sure at which point. But I think she might have heard the general message. Live Frustrated alone!!
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omg this kills me
first of all, what the hell does she think gives her the rite to dictate his visitation? second, is she even allowed to sign them up for something that will interfere w his visitation w/o asking him first? third, what the hell is wrong w these crazy women who attack us just bc we EXIST??? why do they have to scream at us, lie about us, call us names, etc???? it just infuriates me! and the best part is, they dont give a shit about their kids or they wouldnt pull HALF of what they do...all that should matter is that we love and take care of their kids...PERIOD. i am so sick of my days and nites bieng ruined bc of BM, sick of dealing w her on days we shouldnt even have to talk to her, sick of worrying about what shes gonna do next and im sick of all my friends here being put thru the same thing. grow up and give it a rest already.
that being said, why did yr DH keep answering the phone? after the first time, i would have answered and told her to f off and turned off the phone...let her leave a msg so we have proof of what a whacko she is. i used to get mad at my FH for not screaming at her and giving it back to her but i do understand they are just trying to keep the peace w these unstable bitches, especially when they know they cant win anyway. im glad yr DH called her back and put her in her place!
That is a good question.. I
That is a good question.. I do not know why he kept answering. It was almost a reflex move.
I have no idea why she made me the target of her anger the other night. I am just so tired of the whole situation. I was actually up til 4 am thinking.. HOW can I get myself out of this.
My mother says that I should just laugh at her... That I should anger her back by laughing at her absurdness. For some reason, I just cant.
I know my ss9 had to ask to call me on Mother's Day and then he proceeded to wish me a happy mother's day.. I wonder if that is where some of her anger came from. I believe that is one of the things he might have said to her as well the next day. That is her anger and behavior last night due to SS9 calling me on Mother's Day. Its all really a blur. A lot more was said, and a lot more accusations on her part.. I think my mind is only remembering the really horrid points... and the crazy comments she made.
MY favorite is about my dh going to live w/them, because of ME.
i understand completely
the 2 confrontations ive had w BM replay over and over in my mind like a bad dream...i keep hearing her nasty words and seeing her ugly face scream at me. its easy for people to say dont pay attn, dont let it bother u, ignore her, but its differenet when its happening. ive never been disrespected in my life the way shes disrespected me, and for NO REASON.
the only thing i have on my side is my fiance...he will not let me or US or our family live like this anymore.
i feel for u bc i know what youre going thru...
I am so sorry!
I was wondering what was going on when we didn't hear from you for a couple of days.
I used to go through the same thing all the time (I think we live parallel lives). I finally decided that I do not care how BM feels or thinks about me. I also no longer care if my husband defends me to her or not. As long as he knows her accusations are absurd, let her say what she wants. It just rolls off my back.
I know that if I tried to confront her about what she said (the way you did when you were yelling at what she said on the phone), the situation would just escalate. She is SO sure she is right and I am evil, ANYTHING I said or did would just reinforce her feelings (regardless of whether they are right or wrong).
Things have gotten a lot smoother since I stopped dealing with her at all. But your husband needs to do you a favor and stop answering her calls once she starts insulting you. He doesn't need to listen to that from her. And you should just leave the room when he starts talking to her, if you know it's going to make you mad!
It's tough not to stoop to her level, but that's what she wants when she calls you out like that. Let her rant and act crazy, but don't join her!
I know.. I know now that
I know.. I know now that she was baiting me. I just couldnt see it then. I think it was the blind rage that she had me in.
I know she is a miserable person, I know that she has absolutely NO redeeming qualities... I just cant fathom how someone can go from a casual conversation to crazy in 5 seconds flat.
I am so tired of my life not being my own. So tired of crazy trying to intercede all the time.
I was on the road for work Monday and Tuesday with no internet access. I dont dare jump on here from home, as then dh might find this site. Not that this isnt anything that I would say to his face, I just dont need him knowing that I put it out there for the world to see. LOL...
He also had mentioned to her in the calm Saturday convo that EVERYONE in the US is probably discussing what areas of they need to cut back on due to the gas prices. How when the winter comes it will be the cost of gas AND the cost of heating your home that will go through the roof. I am sure she and her dh were discussing it and assumed we had and that is where those accusations came from.
Its just hurts to be told that you dont count. I know where its coming from.. PYSCHOLAND.. but it still hurts nonetheless. And all this after I allowed her to change around OUR plans to accomodate hers. If anything that crazy b*tch should be thanking me.
I think I might have also yelled, I can give you something to complain about. I think that will be when the next time she wants to switch weekends at the last minute I will say, nope. its this weekend or the next one scheduled.. but not changing my plans.
She kept calling back
She kept calling back because you kept giving her what she wanted... for you to be upset. Honey, you can't let anyone have this kind of control over your emotions. I know it's easier said than done, but who gives a shit what she says about you or anything else? Who is she? She's a big, fat NOBODY in your book, so WHY DO YOU EVEN CARE what she says about you? Don't fall for it, please don't fall for it again. Leave the room, don't listen to their calls, don't chime in, DON'T GIVE HER WHAT SHE WANTS! My God, think about how ugly her life must be that she gets enjoyment only in passing more ugliness on to others. That's just sick, pure and simple. Don't be a part of her sickness. Choose to let her drown in her own venom, but don't you dare go down with her. It must really suck to be her, huh?!
♥ Georgia ♥
"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)
I didnt see the bait for
I didnt see the bait for what it was at the time. Growing up, I have always been one of those people that cared what others thought. My mom would always tell me that I shouldnt care what others think. I guess I am just hardwired to care what others think.
I know this woman is mentaly unstable. I am just so sick of it all, sick of the verbal abuse, sick of the fact that she physically abused me and no one seems to give 2 sh*ts.., tired of the fact that my MIL is starting to have amnesia about the ex is REALLY like (as she recently told me HOW NICE BM IS!!!! )
I will try and distance myself from everything. I know those kids heard her call me a whore, sl*t and C... How do you think this is going to affect how they treat me.
Well, hopefully, their
Well, hopefully, their father will sit them down and talk to them about how inappropriate it was that she treated you this way. Hopefully, he will tell them that their mother lost control of herself and acted badly and said many untrue things about you. Hopefully, he will tell them that they should form their own opinion of you, because their mother's opinion of you is skewed. Hopefully, he will tell them the truth and teach them to leave the room when their mother is going off like that. Hopefully, he will encourage them to treat you with respect and discipline them if they don't. How they treat you after this depends a lot on how you and DH talk to them about it.
I know how you are feeling, because I have so been there myself. I had a heart-to-heart with my skids one time after a blowout with their mother and I basically told them that their mother didn't like me and never would, that she was going to say hateful things about me because she hates me. I told them that she has certain ideas about me that are wrong. I told them that this was sometimes just the nature of divorce. I told them that the ugliness between their mother and me is between their mother and me... they can love her and they should love her because she's their mother, but they need to decide how they feel about me based on how I treat them and not based on what she says about me. I told them to always believe nothing of what you hear and only half of what you think you see with your own two eyes... to ask questions and form their own opinions based on what they KNOW, rather than on what someone else tells them. My skids were pretty open-minded back then and, for the most part, have always treated me well, in spite of what their mother said about me to them. I don't know how your skids are going to react to this kind of thing, especially if it keeps happening. But I do know that you don't deserve to be hurt by this woman and you just have to protect yourself. I hate seeing anyone getting ripped to shreds like this for nothing more than loving her husband and being a good stepmother to his children. That just flat out sucks.
♥ Georgia ♥
"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)
My problem right now is, I
My problem right now is, I dont know if I have the energy anymore.. Last nigth for no reason.. I started crying... actually.. there probably is a reason.. I was remembering how easy I had it when I was single, living in my condo alone w/my cats.. How peaceful my life was.. . How very UNDRAMATIC and unwhite trash it was... How I just want that life back. I am not even sure if I want the fertility treatment to work now... I find out next Wed...
The time that they watched her flip out on me and psyhically abuse me, they were very stand off ish.. and didnt speak to me the whole weekend following the incident. Sooooo.. if they repeat those actions, this should be an interesting weekend.
i feel like that too
i completely understand...u said it perfectly...How peaceful, undramatic and unwhite trash your life used to be...gosh i know what its like to feel that way. i joined this site after most of the BM damage had been done to me, so no one really knows the specifics but its been bad. standing at my front calling me a scumbag child abuser was the last time. we definitely dont deserve this...no one does. all i can say is that my life w my fiance, aside form all that drama, is so wonderful that i cant imagine living w/o him now, even though it means living w all that...BUT, now he is also gotten to the point where he cant do it anymore either and he will not allow that to happen anymore. so knowing i wont hav eto deal w all that comforts me somewhat. i still have nitemares about her though and at times get flashes of her screaming her ugly lies in my head. time will heal though....pm me if u want to talk about it more...it sounds like we are living w the same hell. hang in and hugs.
I don't know though
The only way I have ever shut up our BM is by answering her back . . . if you let her talk we would all be convicted felons, murderers, drug addicts, etc. but if DH will let me I will point out how much she is lying, about everything, which she has no response to!
Come to think of it, the 3-4 times I have gotten involved she crawls back under her rock, maybe because she is trying to hurt DH not me, but I am sick of that too. Now SD is her little puppet who says what her mom tells her to, so this past time I had to yell to both of them over DH's objections and point out how ridiculous what they were saying was and shut them both the f up! they still haven't thought of any response to that, because they were lying, quite consciously!
So sometimes just laying down just gets you run over and over and over. Sometimes they need a reminder we will not be bullied.
"In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer." -Albert Camus
As hard as it may be...
As hard as it may be...don't fall for her crap. And believe me, I am a person who speaks my mind as I think it, so I know how difficult it is.
We have been experimenting this past year actually to only respond by email (phone priviledges have been cut off for the most part due to her abuse). We only respond to things pertaining to the skids...we don't react to her slanderous BS.....but it is hard, very, very hard. We found "somewhat" of a decrease in her written assaults of us, but now we are experiencing more and more drive by stalkings....which really piss me off. Having someone watch you is worse I find, especially when you are trying to enjoy some time outside with the family & she drives by at a crawl watching your every move....sick, sick, sick...is all I can think.
Hubby and I met with a counsellor and she told hubby to cut off ALL communication with BM. Said things are established in court as far as support & visitation. Unless the skids need an emergency surgery (or something of this nature), do not communicate with her for anything. If its legal related, let the lawyer deal with it. She said if you have something that needs to be passed to her as far as time changes etc, go through the skids cause they are old enough...15 & 12. We were told to start this immediately (last Friday), so far we have rec'd 3 emails that we have not responded too. I would imagine BM is becoming pissed by now (but hasn't started any written assaults yet this week...its coming though, always does), but the counselor stated that we were feeding BM what she wanted even though we were not slinging mud back at her. That BM needed to feed off of us, by us not responding, she won't get what she needs and will eventually move on in life. (Personally I am hoping its really soon cause with everything going on in our lives, I am ready for this BS to be long over with).
It's frustrating as hell to deal with this nonsense on a regular basis. I don't hate the BM, just her actions and her inability to accept things as they are and move on. The skids are not benefiting from this behaviour she displays. Both skids have behavioural problems and I honestly understand why...how can they not, seeing it on a daily basis? I pray every night that this "hell" will be over with...one day my prayers will be answered...as will all of ours. Let's just hope it isn't "till death do us part"!! LOL
Corie
i hope it works for u
we go back to court on tuesday and are going to ask for the communication journal u suggested, or email. but i dont know if the courts will even give us that. we have a log of all of her bs and VMs and texts, but havent been able to use any so far.
i cant imagine what it must be like to have her drive by yr house...can u get a restraining order?? i couldnt live like that and i hope u dont have to either.
I thought she was getting
I thought she was getting better.. I really did. I hadnt talked to her in over a year, and hadnt come in contact w/her for a year and a half. Then out of the blue 4 weeks ago, she offers my dh a kitten, sending pictures to run it by me. I LOVE cats.. I figured perhaps the kitten was a way of being nice to me, so I let my guard down. Then my ss9 was allowed to call and wish me a Happy Mother's Day.. I figured she was maturing in her behavoir.. that she was finally accepting me as a part of my dh's and skids lives.. I let my guard down. Just to be reminded on Friday night that she is crazier than a sh*t house rat!!!