That was my first thought, that FSD was jealous & didn't know where she fit in. In fact, when we first got married, she asked me what she would be if we were to have kids together. I told her that she could just call them stepbrother or stepsister to make it less confusing, plus, she WAS like a daughter to my husband & a stepdaughter to me. I even told her that she could call me her stepmom if it was less confusing. She did not like that idea, but she still called my husband her stepdad sometimes to make that less confusing. Honestly, I think FSD thought that BM would someday get back together with my husband. She once said something to this effect (before I came along), and my husband told her straight out that that would NEVER happen. So if she was still holding out for that even after that, our marriage probably did upset her. Though if it did, she did a great job of disguising it because she seemed really excited about us getting married. I think she liked the idea of stability since BM goes through boyfriends/girlfriends as often as she changes her underwear. (Though maybe that's not the best example to use, considering the person I'm talking about!)

We did everything to make FSD feel like part of the family, never pointed out the fact that she wasn't actually one of our own. I felt like the outsider; they already were family, you know? Everything we did for SD8, we did for FSD. Like I said in other posts, we supplied EVERYTHING for FSD, just like she was ours. It wasn't until BM got out of control with her demands that I mentioned some of the things we've been supplying for FSD without any assistance from her. This was a conversation between BM & I ONLY, but immediately after this was when FSD's behavior did a 180. So I'm sure FSD somehow overheard BM talking or BM flat out told her. Also, we were really good about not showing the kids our dislike of BM. We did not even mention her around the kids unless it was absolutely necessary. But we NEVER attacked her or talked badly about her around the kids.

You pretty much summed up everything I've been feeling on this situation! It's nice to hear someone who's not connected to the situation have the same view.

After all the nonsense we've been put through, my husband FINALLY said that his main concern is how HIS daughter is handling all of this. And she is flourishing. Though not according to BM. She keeps saying how depressed both girls are. Maybe that's because BM is making everyone - including the kids - feel like complete crap. She's made a difficult situation about a million times worse. Also, is was hard to bond with SD8 with FSD around. Anytime I had some minutes alone with SD8 & she would talk about school, friends, etc., FSD would come in & interrupt, changing the conversation to BM. Which does really sound like jealousy. Both from FSD because I was talking to SD8 & not her, but also from BM, who I KNOW did not want me to bond with "her girls". So I'm sure she put FSD up to being a wedge anytime that happened.

We've been trying to establish clearer boundaries with BM for the last couple of years, and with FSD recently. I think the only way it's going to happen is for us to go to court & have something legal done in writing. BM is either clueless or just being a nuisance (or both), because the things she's done to us are ridiculous. It took years for her to realize that we were no longer baby-sitting for her anymore or switching the schedule around. She would call or email just to try, though. When she finally seemed to understand that, she started doing other petty things. She would call several times during the weeks we didn't have the kids for no real reason. (If we let it go to voicemail & not call her back ASAP, she would just keep calling.) The week FSD had chickenpox, BM called us EVERY DAY except one (though some days she called multiple times). Why? To give us an update on how FSD was doing. Why? Did she call FSD's BF to give him a daily update? I doubt it. BM did this because she was pissed FSD got chickenpox on her week with her. Like that was our fault?! I think BM wanted us to feel sorry for her & offer to take FSD because BM had exams at college that week. Oh, well, boo-hoo. My husband & I have JOBS! If the college wouldn't let her postpone any of the exams, then she couldn't find a baby-sitter for what, like 2 hours here & there? Give me a break. I'm sure BM was mad that she couldn't hang out with her friends before/after exams.

Last fall, BM also started a new annoying stunt. She scheduled the kids' dentist appointments on our week with them without consulting us first. She was the one that took them, it's not like she made the appointments & then expected us to take them, at least. BUT of course there were ulterior motives to this. My husband & I wondered why BM scheduled them on our week? She couldn't schedule them the following week when she had them? Or wait until one of the school breaks like we usually do? Well, BM's mother & stepfather had moved up here 3 days before and were surprising the kids. Of course, BM did not tell us about this. And she was also about 40 minutes late dropping off the kids. (Which we knew she would be since she's NEVER on time.)

To make this even worse, the next day BM had scheduled FSD to visit the private-like junior high she would be attending next year (another LONG story!). Why BM scheduled it for this day in particular I still don't know since the very next week there was an actual day for prospective students to come & check out the school. Anyway, my husband had wanted BM to keep FSD after the dentist appointment since BM would be taking her to this school early in the morning, which is a good half hour drive from BM's house. (In other words, he wanted to avoid BM being late in the morning since we both had to get to work early.) BM refused to do this because she was going to a concert, but said that she would pick up FSD from our place at a specific time the next morning. Well, guess what? BM was a no-show. FSD was visibly upset & tried to hold back tears. So my husband went out of his way to drive FSD to elementary school because he thought maybe plans changed. Just after getting there, BM pulled up, FSD's tears suddenly vanished because "there was mommy!" and away BM went with FSD. So my question is, why did BM go right to the elementary school? Did she know that she'd never be at our place on time & figured that my husband would do just what he did? Then later, BM had the nerve to blame this on my husband, saying that the plan was for her to pick-up FSD from the elementary school & FSD got upset for nothing! Unbelievable!

Oh, but the story is not over yet. My husband called me at work to tell me that BM was picking up SD8 from daycare after picking up FSD from her school thing, so I wouldn't have to. I was pissed at my husband for going along with this, because once again, BM was bringing them to see the grandparents. (The reason I have a problem with this is because a) BM never told us about this, b) the kids would spend OUR evenings with them talking about BM & the grandparents, and c) if they're living here now, they can see the kids as much as they want...on BM's weeks! It's just one more evil plan BM cooked up.) So long story short, BM was once again late dropping off the kids at our house. About 30 minutes or so. When she finally showed up, my husband went out to talk to her. He was pissed. So he told her what the problem was, no more scheduling things on our weeks with the kids, that it was rude to be so late & not respect our plans, etc. All the while, BM sat leaning back in her car, wearing ridiculous Paris Hilton sunglasses, looking at him, obvious thinking, "whatever". This woman is 29 years old! Grow the hell up already! She didn't like his "vibe" & drove off.

Then, several weeks later, she did it to us AGAIN. BM scheduled doctor appointments for the girls on our week with them. My husband told her to either change them to her week or that we would reschedule for a different week & take them ourselves. She flat out refused. They went back & forth through email about this for a week. She refused to budge on this. I should have just canceled the appointments myself & ended that nonsense. I really should have. But instead, my husband told her that he would take the girls to their appointments because he did not want to rely on BM to do anything on time again. She wasn't happy, but let him do this. So my husband took time off of work to do this. I wasn't very impressed. There was no reason for this other than BM being a bitch. Also, when I originally called to find out the appointment times, they were for later in the afternoon, so my husband at least wouldn't miss much work. But when my husband smartly called the day before to confirm the times, they were several hours earlier. BM had changed the times & not told us!

After all of this, we will NEVER go along with anything BM schedules on our weeks with SD8 again. Appointments will be canceled or rescheduled. End of story. We definitely need a more rigid custody agreement. BM needs to do things with the kids on her weeks & we'll do things with SD8 on ours. There doesn't need to be any overlapping of lives unless it's an emergency. BM has been told this several times, but doesn't want to hear it. She's so self-centered that it kills her to hear that my husband & I don't want anything to do with her. You are absolutely right, Brutallyhonest, about BM working out things with FSD's BF & not us. That's what my husband told her & I'm sure she was pissed. BM's gotta realize that her free ride with my husband is over. She needs to find another poor sucker to take advantage of!