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Could use a few suggestions

sweetoctober's picture

Submitted by sweetoctober on Sat, 04/25/2009 - 1:25pm

I am an avid bookreader and summer is coming so I am getting my list together. I purchased my first 2 on Amazon today, but need a few suggestions from all of you here. This summer I plan on doing more reading to assist in my situation versus my usual reading for pure enjoyment. I am looking for some books that my DH and I could read through together and benefit from. The last book didnt work out so well. So I would greatly appreciate if anyone knows of any books that may be geared more towards our situation. Which is as follows....

We have been married for 6 months now. I have no children and he has an 8 year old son from a previous relationship. This is a first marriage for both of us. He and his ex split when ss8 was an infant and he was single up until the time he met me. He has no previous experience with stepfamily as his entire family consists of nothing but nuclear family. I am a stepdaughter so I have previous experience.

Im looking for a book that would give my view as a stepparent as well as his view as a biological parent and maybe compare the 2 sides of this type of family arrangement. Thank you in advance for any help you may be able to provide.

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melis070179's picture

Submitted by melis070179 on Sat, 04/25/2009 - 1:55pm

I only have a suggestion of a book for pure enjoyment. Chelsea Handler...My Horizontal Life or Are you There Vodka?...step issues though...Wish I knew of some that actually told both sides instead of just what SM should be doing to be successful. Let me know if you find any!

"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"

Sasha's picture

Submitted by Sasha on Sat, 04/25/2009 - 2:55pm

I am working on "The 5,000 Year Leap" and have "Atlas Shrugged" on my list of books to read.

Seriously though...sometimes I think we need to read less self-help books and use more common sense Smile

Last Nerve's picture

Submitted by Last Nerve on Sat, 04/25/2009 - 8:48pm

What about "Divorce Poison", or "Mom's House, Dad's House?" Have you read either of them?
Of the two, I prefered Divorce Poison. That book by Alec Baldwin "A Promise to Ourselves: A Journey Through Fatherhood and Divorce". It was quite an eye opener for my hubby (and me), to see that this cr@p happens to alot of people.

beamer's picture

Submitted by beamer on Sun, 04/26/2009 - 1:41am

perhaps you can read a book with your step son? he is 8, perhaps i am very outdated, but those choose your own adventure books were cool as hell. I also recal reading the kids version of the odyssey and loving it!! perhaps a good way to bring the child into you world, and conversations?

sweetoctober's picture

Submitted by sweetoctober on Sun, 04/26/2009 - 11:12am

I will be doing some research on a couple of the books mentioned. I have been looking all over online trying to find some titles that might be geared toward my situation but havent had much luck yet.

To Sasha, yes I do agree about using common sense. But common sense hasnt helped much when trying to show my DH that my feeling are normal and ok. And along with a self help book or two, I will be doing plenty of reading for pure enjoyment. Ive been known to finish my books in a matter of two days if they are good enough to get lost in!

To beamer, yes I could read with my SS. And I have. But my whole point in this post was trying to get suggestions from others for books that could help to strengthen my marriage. Because without that foundation, there will be no family. We are having so many troubles right now that I think my focus should be going there first, before the marriage falls apart and there is no child to bond with anyways.

Last nerve, you mentioned a few that sound like they may be right up my ally. Thank you. What did you think of "Moms house, Dads house"?

Last Nerve's picture

Submitted by Last Nerve on Sun, 04/26/2009 - 7:21pm

But it didn't help much for the high conflict we have with BM. Divorce Poison was better that way, as it gave suggestions on how to deal with the bullsh@t from BM, which is what we were looking for. MH-DH, I think may be more for people that are divorcing/divorced and can be civil for the sake of the kids.

It's funny, my exH and I divorced over 10 years ago, we didn't need to read books, take the girls to psychologists, none of it. We were civil, and put the girls first - we both knew that the girls needed both of us, not one over the other. We (myself, my DH, the exH, and his DW) get along very well. Not 'go on vacation together' kind of get along, but go to each others houses for coffee, exchange xmas gifts kind of get along.

With my DH's exW, it's completely the opposite. They had such a high conflict divorce, it was scary. The ONLY contact we will allow with BM now is email, that way there is a record of things said. I mentioned the Alec Baldwin book to you, because his divorce from Kim Bassinger was VERY similar to what DH had gone through - or should I say is still going through...

Hope this helps. LN

StepLightly's picture

Submitted by StepLightly on Sun, 04/26/2009 - 11:04pm

coming out in May....Stepmonster...suposed to be the best book ever for a step mom to read. From what I hear, it really captures what we all go thru...

Wicked2Three's picture

Submitted by Wicked2Three on Mon, 04/27/2009 - 2:05am

#1) Divorce Poison

#2) Anything from Love & Logic.
I recomend starting with these two first. The links will follow. They come in audio format so you can listen to them together in the car if you travel anywhere this summer.

This great introduction to Love and Logic will help you identify your parenting style, the message it sends, and stress-free techniques to help you become a “consultant” parent.
It’s how you say things to kids that affects what they choose to hear from you
It’s okay for kids to make mistakes
The importance of giving children choices
Simple steps to help kids want to be responsible
http://www.loveandlogic.com/ecom/p-103-helicopters-drill-sergeants-and-c...

I called Love & Logic about a step-kid problem and they suggested I get "Avoiding Power Struggles with Kids" It's a good one!
http://www.loveandlogic.com/ecom/p-131-avoiding-power-struggles-with-kid...

sweetoctober's picture

Submitted by sweetoctober on Fri, 05/01/2009 - 9:30pm

I just received my first book in the mail today. "The single girls guide to marrying a man, his children and his ex-wife." Its pretty good so far and I find myself really relating to it. I also ordered a new one that is coming out this month called "The package deal: My (not so) glamorous transition from single gal to instant mom." Once I am done with that, I will definitely be ordering Stepmonster, thank you for that suggestion! I really appreciate the Love & Logic suggestion. I just may get a few of those started on one of our many trips up north this summer. I will post some reviews of the books once I have finished them.