What Is Your Top
Stepparenting complaint?
Here are some of mine (that we are working on):
Children are quite proficient relationship saboteurs when they want to be. (even unconsciously)
DH is so scared that Zippy16.5 will desert him that DH won't discipline Zippy appropriately.
DH dotes on Zippy 16.5 like he's his wife. :sick: (this thankfully is occurring less).
I feel badly that Zippy16.5 gets on my nerves so easily (even his breathing annoys me!)-like having a continuously rude, messy, uncooperative unwanted guest 24/7 (Zippy was a surprise custody case)-shouldn't this feeling have dissipated by now?
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im supposed to be perfect
but the bio parents are allowed to make mistakes. It seems that im always held to a higher standard by my inlaws and bm.
Easy.
But it has nothing to do with the parenting part of it.
Number One. My husband's codependent relationship with his exwife and his complete inability to realize that he is in it.
The rest of the list? Obsolete.
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley
My step mom complaint?
Always feeling out of the loop.
Right now....I can relate
Right now....I can relate with Sasha's complaint. My DH kids seem so ungrateful and never say thank you for anything. That is one of my biggest pet peeves with anyone.
Dealing with the BM, socio.
Dealing with the BM, socio. That's my biggest complaint by far. If it wasn't for that b*tch everything would be basically sane and basically happy. She is the main problem and she is the root of 99% of our other problems.
I agree with non_mom23
I agree with non_mom23 Dealing with BM has got to be #1 in my book. #2 Is that BM is such a huge liar and drama queen and everyone believes her. #3 Is that BM chose Welfare housing and now she lives about 5 mins away from us :sick:
Not sure how to narrow it down to one...
I hate not being included in such a large part of DH's life. I hate not having control over certain aspects of my own life. I hate the past. I hate a lot of things...Wow, I think I may need some wine...
"God grant me the serenity accept the things I cannot change; the strength to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference."
I too hate the past
I hate that BF has already been married and has had 2 children, a family, and I have none. I have to look and deal with his past EW and during the week when BM calls.
Wine...Wine is good! I've been leaning on the wine too much since we have moved to be close to his kids. Often I am dissappointed with myself when I need a few glasses to deal with skids and my situation, but that's the only way I can cope. I'm actually starting to think this has all turned me into an alcholic. }:)
Mmmm...
Mmmm... wine...
BB
- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)
BM...
IS A CRAZY PERSON...and she refuses to work with DH and myself when it comes to SD's 12 and 15...yet she "claims" to be the mother of the millenium. She and the girls live in a fantasy world where she can do no wrong, ever. So...the girls act like we suck and she is PERFECT. :sick:
I hate her....I hate her a lot. But I love wine.
Mine...
For whatever reason, BF lets SS get away with things which I believe he should be disceplined for or at least TALKED TO about.
Breaking shampoo and spilling it all over the bathroom floor, then saying nothing about it and acting like it never happened? I mean come on...when I was a kid, I at least covered my tracks when I made a big mess so that I wouldn't get in trouble. It's like SS isn't even worried about getting in trouble.
Now granted, most of the time SS is a good kid and he does as he is told, and when you do discepline him he understands and corrects his behavior. But I just think it should be consistent.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
The unknown...
Just the plain and simple fear of NOT knowing if SS is being taken care of properly. And DH thus far has refused to take action..
Is he being FED, BATHED, WATCHED? Is she getting high around him? Has she washed his clothes this MONTH? Has she cleaned her house EVER?? She is clearly an unfit mom... what to do about it? Fh doesn't want to "take SS from his Mom", it would be hard on him... but better for him. Try to get THAT through my FH's head!
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~ ; )
DISbelief If I were you I
DISbelief If I were you I would place an anonymous call to Child Servies if you believe this child is suffering this much and especially if BM is a drug user!! DH may not want to take the child from BM but this child may not live to see his next birthday.A child can come to serious harm in the house of an addict.Maybe this is what it will take for BM to clean up her act and be a better mother for her son. If she is all drugged up she needs help herself before she can care for a child!!
It would have to be
Quality time with BF. Sometimes we can't even have a quick cigarette together to discuss our day without one of the skids interupting or having an argument with each other. BM as well she would have to be equal first.
I have disengaged but,
I sooooo want to explode at DH and SD17, for the mear fact he doesn't parent!! I'm still trying to figure that one out Why doesnt he try?
Will she get mad at him? She stays sulled up all the time, she is like a gray cloud
Me and H
always having to be the bad guy because we are the only ones with the balls to discipline SS.
sd
My SD gets on my last nerves. I find myslef getting so aggitated whenever she is around. She lives with us for now but I can not wait until she moves out this summer with her mother where she should be in the first place. She is so coniving and manipulaitve and had har father by the nuts it is sicking.
Vickmeister We Have the Same DH!!!
Last night at dinner DH tells Zippy16.5 to take his pill for his acne-Zippy ignores him and keeps on eating :O
We implemented someone's suggestion here on ST since Zip is non-compliant with his meds, to have him take his pill at breakfast and dinner-that way we know he has taken them.
I'm thinking Zippy would have done one of two things-
1.Ask Daddykins politely if he could wait to take his pill after dinner.
2. Do as his Father asked
Awkward silence at the dinner table prevails....
I say "Zippy, your Father has asked you to do something"?
Zippy: I WILL (continues eating)-
My kids BFather would have led them to the pills (rather forcefully!!) and made them take them or negotiated a time after dinner and -here is the kicker- FOLLOWED UP ON IT.
What does DH do??
I mention to them both that IF Zippy has a boss in the real world and treats his bosses request like he treated his father's request-Zippy is going to be out of a job in a hurry (like the last job his father handed to him, and Zippy was promptly fired!)-
DH-"He He He" -"yeah Zippy I'm like a boss, He He He"
There DH goes -just been highly disrespected by the Zipster (as his wife has) and tries to be buddy buddy with the arrogant -shoot himself in the foot beloved Zippy
I felt like saying-
"Hah Hah Hah-too bad real life is gonna slap the crap out of Zippy16.5 cuz no one else will"
Let's see how happy DH will be watching Zippy drown helplessly in the real world and there is Nada his Daddykins can do in at least one scenario I can think of!
I was too shocked to say anything at the time but I am not now-I mentioned it to DH last night-and Zippy is going to be VERY uncomfortable in this house should he EVER speak to me like that again-and DH can BLOW it out his ear! I don't talk to Zippy that way and he CERTAINLY will not speak to me that way-how he chooses to treat his father is between those two!
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
Cattle prod sounds good
That's when a cattle prod comes in handy! hehehe
I'm the one that mentioned giving him his pill during meal time. Since that didn't work too well, give him the pill to take BEFORE any meals are presented. No pill first, NO food. Period. If he wants to act like a 5 yr old, he'll have to be treated like one! Put the pill in front of him to take at the table instead of his plate of food. That might get his attention.
Thanks Sherw
Another good suggestion-
DH is going to faint (like Scarlett O'Hara) when the suggestion to put the pill on Zip's plate instead of his dinner-IMAGINE making Zippy wait for his food..... :O
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
HA HA
Crush it up and mix it with his mashed potatos. Just take the freaking medicine, you big baby!!
Seriously, this is what my SD is turning into and I'm frightened.
Another good idea!
Thanks Serena-just like we do with our dogs (put it in peanut butter!)-
It is scary to watch-not to mention frustrating....sigh-not my kid-still my problem I guess, somehow....
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
Make him accountable and
Make him accountable and responsible. Don't crush it up & let him get away with thinking he defied you, MAKE him take it or no dinner. He'll just think he got over on you guys again if you crush it up and don't MAKE him take it. If you are going to spend your hard earned cash in trying to help the lazy arse, then he should have the decency and learn a sense of responsibility to take it. How frustrating it must be to stand by and let the little B*****d defy and push you to submitting to HIM. Sorry, don't mean to sound like a meany but teens irk me! I have a SS15 1/2 that's almost as bad. I've disengaged and I hate to watch a potentially good kid become what his enabling parents are making out of him. If Zippy can't take the responsibility he needs to perform a non-life threatening procedure to ensure his health, can you trust him to wear a condom when/if the time comes? Hate to put it that way, but think about it!!!
My top step-parenting complaint?
That I'm a step-parent.
OK, to clarify... I can't stand either SD or BM and yet I have to deal with them BOTH on a daily basis. Some days more than others, but not a day goes by that I don't have something come up that pisses me off.
Secondarily (and this is MY problem), I feel the need to parent a child that I don't like when her own parents think (erroneously) that they are doing a fine job parenting and don't want me to "interfere". I have this control issue that I have to deal with and learn to just let go and let them all three fail.
Top complaint? Disrespect.
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
Everything that has gone awry here boils down to that one word.
If H has reinforced SD17 being respectful in my home, at the very least, things would not have reached the point they are at today with her.
There have been times-you all know them-when I was pushed to the limit, by the behaviours SD17 displayed and H condoned. I never wanted it this way, never, never. I wanted everyone to feel comfortable here, but that was not to be. Because I could not be comfortable in my home with a 17 y.o. treating me with such blatant disrepect.
Sad, really. H could've put his foot down when we first got married, and it would never have reached this level.
Having raised sons, I actually looked forward to having girls around; my sons gf and I get along great and have fun together, SD14 and I get along great and also have fun together. All it would've taken, again, for SD17, was common respect.
Ditto Serena!
My top complaint is the same. I'm a stepparent. I'm parenting someone because the parent doesn't want to be a parent, and never did.
My other complaint is the SD9 things her mom is the Queen of Wales, even though she doesn't see her but twice a year due to her moms negligence.
My other complaint is that I have 8 years to go(hopefully)...before she is off on her own...
Lovely...
I just got a vision
of SD standing over DH's emotional corpse and cackling like a hyena.
Mine is
that apparently I have no right to stand up for myself, no right to feel like I should have any say in my stepkids' lives, no right to feel like my husband is mine alone, and no right to expect that my house should be my own domain where my opinion carries some weight -- BUT the second BM needs help, I'm a b**** if I don't instantly volunteer to stand in as the mom replacement.
BB
- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)
Amen!
I identify with BB and Sasha the most on this!!! Why is our household supposed to do everything, yet have no needs ourselves??!! Not happening!!
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin